


Since The Beginning

by innertimetraveldetective



Series: City Of Stars [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: :), :D, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Both of them, Childhood Friends, Childhood friends to lovers (eventually), Christmas Angst, Christmas Fluff, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, GUESS WHAT, IT'S SO FLUFFY, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mutual Pining, Neurodiversity, Slow Burn, The Fluff outweighs the Angst, This is cute, Underage Drinking, Useless Lesbians, bioquake endgame, bobbi has a little sister and i love her, daisy is gay, im sorry, it' just angst at this point, it's getting fluffier, just realised i haven't tagged this as slowburn, just to be clear, like painfully slow, literal years of mutual pining, not bella, okay it's getting less fluffy, the rest of them though, there will be a philindaisy chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 52
Words: 81,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26412811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innertimetraveldetective/pseuds/innertimetraveldetective
Summary: Jemma’d never had a real friend who lasted. She didn’t think so anyway. She hadn’t been bullied, so to speak, just picked on occasionally.  She’d had people she spoke to, but she never really connected with any of them.    In year 3 she’d had Daisy, the American girl who no one had wanted to talk to because of her funny accent.  They’d gotten along, they both loved the stars.orJemma and Daisy were best friends for a year in primary school, they reunite at a fancy S.H.I.E.L.D. school, fluff ensues, as well as some feelings *oh no*
Relationships: Bobbi Morse & Jemma Simmons, Bobbi Morse & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Jemma Simmons/Skye | Daisy Johnson, Lance Hunter/Bobbi Morse, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson/Melinda May, Philindaisy - Relationship, Skye | Daisy Johnson/Original Female Character(s)
Series: City Of Stars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026970
Comments: 881
Kudos: 160





	1. Ophiuchus

Jemma Simmons sat in the front seat of her mother’s car, talking animatedly about how different species adapt to change, tapping her fingers against each other as she did so. Her mother waited patiently, nodding her head along as Jemma info-dumped. She loved her daughter endlessly; it didn’t stop her from being apprehensive about this new school. She was only 11. She’d always been smarter than the other children at school, she just hadn’t been aware it was to this extent. 

She’d received an email from S.H.I.E.L.D. Preparatory School, asking her if Jemma would be interested in taking the entrance exam. It wasn’t a well known place, but all of the research she’d done had suggested it had been highly prestigious. Jemma had been appalled at the prospect, she’d always hated change. That was until she’d called her mother to school one day, crying to her about how Katie had taken her biology notes, the ones she’d spent hours illustrating with brightly coloured diagrams and highlighted in her own specific, careful way, and thrown them away. 

“Mum, I think I need to go.” Jemma had told her through her tears. She’d just nodded. 

“I’ll email them again when we get home.” 

They now sat in the car, driving up to Edinburgh, 2 suitcases shoved in the back of the car and tentative excitement echoing throughout Jemma’s voice. 

“You know, it’s a good thing really that I’m leaving. Most species, when threatened, have the option to move, adapt or die. Adapting didn’t work, and I don’t much want to die, so moving is the best option for me really.” Jemma tapped her fingers together, trying to stop herself from chewing on the toggle of her hoodie. It was her favourite, fleecy inside and plain black. She wore maroon joggers and black trainers. Of course, the rest of her clothes were more formal, but she figured she didn’t need to look all spiffy to sit in the car.

“You’re going to be fine, dear. According to the lady I spoke to, lots of kids like you end up at S.H.I.E.L.D. You won’t be alone.” Jemma mostly ignored her, other than a small nod, and continued on her rant. They stopped off just before they reached the border for some McDonald’s. 

Jemma sat across from her mother, happily picking at her food. If she was being honest with herself, she was scared for this change. She was moving to a whole other country! Yes, it may only be a four hour drive away, but it was big. She’d never done too well with new people, or new anything if she was being honest. She thrived on routine. It made her feel safe, so she always knew what to expect and when to expect it. Of course, nobody else was to abide by her schedule, but she could control herself and only herself, and so she would. She’d find a routine at this place, she was sure of it. It was a boarding school, they’d be mad not to have some sort of routine. She’d chosen her classes 6 months ago when she’d been accepted. She was taking organic chemistry, advanced mathematics, biochemistry and neurobiology. 

She’d found it strange, already choosing areas of study when her classmates in England had been studying for their year 6 SATs. Her teachers had started to introduce her to GCSE level work when she was 9, and she’d already sat her GCSEs in the sciences and maths. She spoke french and spanish almost fluently. 

That’s when S.H.I.E.L.D. had reached out to her mother. She’d always been different to other children. She was more analytical, she liked to have her dolls have a specific agenda when she’d played, always having an order to what was going to happen, planned out like a script in her head. At nursery in role play, she’d preferred to tell others what to do than to participate. Her mother said it was because she was a strong leader, but Jemma didn’t think that added up, considering she was awful with any sort of confrontation. 

It was lonely sometimes, being the prodigy whilst all her classmates might as well have been learning their ABCs. She’d never had a real friend who lasted. She didn’t think so anyway. She hadn’t been bullied, so to speak, just picked on occasionally. She’d had people she spoke to, but she never really connected with any of them. 

In year 3 she’d had Daisy, the American girl who no one had wanted to talk to because of her funny accent. They’d gotten along, they both loved the stars. They’d sit in their classroom at break, on the floor. They both agreed early into their friendship that chairs were stupid. They’d marvel at the astronomy books in the classroom, pointing out their favourite constellations, or galaxies. Daisy’s favourite had been Ophiuchus, or Holder of the Serpent in English. 

“We can’t see it here,” Daisy had told her, pointing to Ophiuchus. 

“In winter it’s in the daytime sky, so if we went to the North Pole we could, and in summer the midnight sun obstructs our view of it.”

Jemma had been confused. She couldn’t figure out why Daisy would like it if she couldn’t see it. She liked Cygnus, it had the brightest star of them all in the summer.

“Why is it your favourite if you can’t ever see it?” Jemma had asked her. 

“Well,” Daisy paused to consider for a moment

“I think it’s because it’s always there, something beautiful and bright, even if you can’t always see it.” Jemma had thought about this for a second.

“Ok. Do you want to go and get some lunch now?”

“Yes.”

Daisy had moved away shortly after with her parents, but Jemma still thought of what she’d said a lot. She’d never been one for metaphor, unless she was the one making it up (this had exasperated her English teachers, and was part of the reason she preferred the sciences. Everything was much simpler with maths) but what Daisy had said all those years ago stuck with her now. ‘It’s always there, something bright and beautiful, even if you can’t always see it.’ It was quite beautiful when Jemma thought about it. She wondered what Daisy was doing now. The last time they’d seen each other they’d been 8. 

“What’re you thinking about, Jems?” her mother asked her. She snapped back to reality. She’d been staring at the table, chip in her hand.

“Do you remember Daisy?” She asked her mother.

“Of course! You two got along great. You used to sit on the swings and look up at the stars, do you remember?” Jemma nodded. She wondered if Daisy missed her. Rain started pattering down on the rooftop. 

“We better get going, I don’t much want to be driving in the rain, and it’s still a bit of a way away.”  
Jemma started to get up. She hated the rain. It was too loud, and heavy, made her feel like she was going to explode from all of the noise. They got back in the car and she plugged her headphones into her ipod, putting her music on shuffle. She stared out of the window for the rest of the drive, drumming her fingers together in their familiar rhythm. 

Eventually, they reached the countryside just outside Edinburgh. Her mother took a twisty, winding road through the country and Jemma closed her eyes.


	2. Brightly and steadily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i just really love them

Daisy May sat on the train, bouncing her knee excitedly. She wore black converse hightops, cropped blue jeans and a red plaid shirt. A daisy necklace hung from her neck, the same one her dad got her for her 9th birthday. She’d taken her hoodie off a while ago, overheating and feeling a tad sick on the clammy train. Her mom was sitting across from her, gazing out of the window. She hadn’t been back to the UK for three years. Granted, she’d only been here for 6 months anyway for her parents’ work, and she wasn’t even in England, but it was exciting all the same.

“The rain! I missed the rain! Every other day, rain, rain, rain!” 

“As I remember it, you never stopped complaining about the rain.” her dad said next to her. 

“Well, you know what they say, you never miss the water till the well runs dry, quite literally, in this case.” her mother pointed out, her gaze still fixed on something far in the distance. 

Daisy had been accepted into the new S.H.I.E.L.D. prep. She was familiar with the agency, considering her parents both worked for it. She’d grown up around people in suits, busy days, staying with her aunt Maria when necessary. She’d always been used to moving from place to place, never staying anywhere for long, never really having time to connect with people. Her mother had trained her in martial arts, but Daisy didn’t have the same love for it that she did. Her father would talk to her about the avengers, his time with them. 

Sometimes, she wished she could be like them, a hero. She’d usually push the idea out of her mind. She knew how to fight, sure, but she really loved computers. They’d always fascinated her. She’d been frustrated when she was younger and none of the people in suits would explain to her how they worked. So she started to learn for herself. 

She was good with people, and it helped that her parents were Coulson and May, so when she’d have to stay at the hub whilst they were gone, she’d find her way up to the computer labs, helping the technicians build them, the software engineers program them. Then she’d been scouted, someone had watched her build a new facial recognition system on one of the computers in the lab, and she’d been recommended for the all new S.H.I.E.L.D. prep. 

It was meant to pluck out younger kids than the academy, get them training and ready for S.H.I.E.L.D. whilst they were young. Her parents had been hesitant at first. They weren’t sure if they wanted this life for her, one in which you never knew if you were coming home. She pointed out she’d be in the Sci-Tech division, working in a computer lab most of the time. She knew she wanted this life. She wanted to help people, and she’d watched S.H.I.E.L.D. do it her whole life. 

The last time she’d been in the UK had been the longest time she could remember in one place since. She’d begged her parents to let her stay there until their next post, and they’d agreed, not wanting to pull her away from Jemma. It touched them, to see her bond with the little british girl. Daisy had never had the chance to stay in one place for long. The two understood each other, they communicated more deeply than just words. It hurt them, to rip them away from each other, and they could see it hurt Daisy as well, though she tried to hide it. She’d gotten painfully used to endings since then.

They loved their jobs, and the family they’d built, but sometimes they longed for a normal life for their daughter, for normal relationships. They thought that she could find that at S.H.I.E.L.D. 

Sometimes Daisy thought about Jemma. She’d wonder if she missed her. She didn’t think so. She thought about Cygnus, the brightest constellation, but often overlooked in favour of more commonly known ones, such as Sagittarius, or Orion. Jemma had said she liked Cygnus because it shined brightly, steadily. Daisy liked Jemma because she was steady, but brighter than any of the others.

“Next stop, Edinburgh Station.” The monotonous voice announced. Daisy wrinkled her nose as she looked up at the sign, pulling her hoodie back over her plaid.

“Why can’t they just spell things like they are?” She’d always hated English. She was taking computer science, software engineering, maths and martial arts at school. Spelling just didn’t do it for her. Phonics confused her, letters had a tendency of changing what they actually were whenever they felt like it and she was just not here for it.

Her mom got up and started lifting down her first suitcase, her dad taking the second. Daisy scooped up her backpack and stood up. 

“You ready, Dais?” her dad asked her, smiling over at her. She nodded.

“I’m ready.”

They pushed their way through the busy station, eventually finding the car that S.H.I.E.L.D. had sent for them, the driver helping them to load Daisy’s stuff into the trunk. She watched out of the window as the countryside rushed by, rain pattering down on the roof of the car. She tuned out her parents chatter, watching as the world went by. The driver took them down windy country roads, littered with leaves, flowers growing at the side of the road. Roads here were much thinner. She remembered the motorways only having around 3 lanes. In the States they were bigger. Her mom put a hand on her shoulder,

“You okay?” Daisy nodded, painting a smile on her face. She wasn’t sad. She just wasn’t happy either. 

“We’ll be there soon. You know dad and I will be around whenever we can be.”

“Yeah, I know. It’ll just be different without you guys. You’re all I know.” her mom nodded. 

“Well, now you’ll get to know other people, see new things, get a life of your own away from us.” her dad contributed.

“Thank God.” Daisy said grinning. Her parents looked at her in mock horror, her dad gasping and throwing a hand over his chest. Daisy giggled a bit.

“How many 11 year olds do you know who only talk to their parents?” she teased.

Coulson chuckled a bit, May just rolled her eyes. They exchanged a look. They knew she was right. This would be good for her, if a bit of a shock to all of their systems. It would teach her routine as well, which she sorely lacked. They were all guilty of this, of course, what with the constant moving around, time zone jumping, quiet weeks, and weeks in which Daisy would end up with Hill whilst they were too busy. She needed this stability. 

They turned the corner and Daisy gasped at the sight of the building before her. The campus was made up of 4 buildings, all of them surrounding a green courtyard. She'd expected something like S.H.I.E.L.D. academy, but these buildings were old, made of bricks. She saw a lake down the hill, a forest next to it. She was anticipating the usual futuristic spy vibes, but this felt like Hogwarts. 

They drove up to the front of the place, a high wall with a gate surrounding the buildings. 

“This is where y’all get out.” He gestured into the back seat. Daisy put her hood up before clambering out of the door, unable to take her eyes off her new home. Her dad opened the trunk and hauled out her suitcases. She took one and slung her backpack over her shoulder. She looked at the floor, her hoodie already wet from the rain. They walked up to the gate, and her mom went over to the keypad.

“Daisy May is here, taking computer science, software engineering, maths and martial arts,”  
A voice came from the other side,

“ID number?”

“Oscar-Echo-Foxtrot, 211.” her mom replied. 

“She can head right in, you’re gonna want to find the assembly hall, Morse should be waiting there to help you. Sorry Coulson, May. No parents today. Gotta get the kids settled, don’t want too many people around.” They nodded. Daisy flung her arms around her mother's neck. Daisy was already taller than her, and she wasn’t currently wearing her usual 3 inch timberlands. May was slightly taken aback by the sudden display of affection. She held her daughter close.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” Daisy nodded, and held on for another second before heading over to her dad. He kissed her cheek as he held her. 

“Go show them that you’re more than a legacy.” He told her, holding her.

“I will. I’ll do you both proud, I promise.” he nodded and let go.

“I love you both. See you soon.” She took her bags and left, not looking back. Phil pulled May close as they watched her walk through the gate. 

“She’ll be okay, won’t she?”

“She always is.”


	3. All that time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love Bobbi Morse

Jemma hugged her mother one last time before heading towards the grand building before her. The rain had subsided on their drive, leaving puddles. The lady on the intercom had told her to go to the assembly hall, wherever that was, so someone could give her a welcome pack and show her to her dorm.

She followed the signs around her, pointing towards the building on the left. She climbed the stairs to the open door and walked in. She wandered through the hallways, peering through doors as she went. One looked to be a theatre of some sort, chairs ascending up the back of the room. Another had a canteen in it, empty apart from a cleaner, before seeing a sign ‘11-12 year olds’ on a door. She entered to be immediately greeted by a tall blonde girl who looked to be about 17 leaning against a table. She looked up from her phone.

“Hey, sweetie! My name’s Bobbi. I suppose you’re Jemma?” She nodded, anxiety rising.

“Great. This is for you,” she handed her a tote bag with the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo on it.

“It’s an official S.H.I.E.L.D. laptop, although you’re welcome to use your personal devices if you wish. There should also be textbooks for your classes, and some exercise books and stationary if you prefer to write stuff down .” Jemma nodded again. She didn’t want to use a new laptop. She had all of her stuff on her one. It was organised how she liked it. 

“Okay, I can take your suitcases if you want, then can you follow me up to your dorm. You’re with...” Bobbi lifted up a checklist.

“Daisy May, my little sister Edie Morse, Alice O’Connor and Isabella O’Connor, although that may of course change depending on what happens over the course of the year.” Jemma’s heart stopped. Daisy May? It couldn’t be. That kind of coincidence never happened. She followed Bobbi eagerly now, the prospect of seeing Daisy again pushing her forward.  
She thought about Daisy. About all that time pouring over astronomy books together, all that time gazing up at the stars on the swings in Jemma’s back garden. All that time they’d spent laughing together, how warm Jemma had felt with Daisy, how no one had ever understood her quite like she had. How all that time seemed like forever when they were young, but it was really only a second. She thought about how they’d lay on the field together at lunch sometimes, looking up at the sky. 

Sometimes they’d run around together, pretending like they were up in space, chasing each other through the stars. This had always seemed a bit silly to Jemma, as there was no way they could run through space, they’d die instantly, and they couldn’t chase each other through the stars, they were all light years away from each other. But it was for Daisy, so she tried. Bobbi rudely interrupted her thoughts.

“You’re in science, right?” Jemma just nodded. She didn’t know quite what to say to this tall, blonde girl, and usually when she didn’t know the expectations in a situation she found it best to stay quiet, as learned from previous embarrassing experiences.

“Yeah, most kids here are. There are a couple who are going into operations, little gym prodigies and what have you, but most of you are kid geniuses. I’m from S.H.I.E.L.D. academy, which is where you’ll end up, if you want to stay with S.H.I.E.L.D., obviously. I’m in operations though, so you might not see me around so much” Jemma thought about that. She didn’t know what S.H.I.E.L.D. was, exactly. She knew it had something to do with the SSR, maybe it had been formed by them, but she wasn’t sure just what the extent of the company was. 

“How many people are there here? And can I have a copy of my timetable please.” She finally asked Bobbi. She needed the timetable. She just needed to know the plan, what to expect from her days here. She couldn’t afford having one of her ‘moments’. She needed to hold it together. Bobbi led them into a building and up the stairs.

“Um, in total I think there are about 250? Around 50 per age group. There’s a hard copy of your time table in your planner, and later at dinner when you get your logins for the website you’ll be able to login and print as many as you need.” Jemma was surprised about the size of the school. She’d expected this to be much bigger than her old school, which had had around 7,000 students. 

“Alrighty, that’s your dorm there. I’m Bobbi Morse, my number is pre-programmed into your laptop. Feel free to get in touch if you need anything, I’m your dorm’s collective buddy.” Bobbi smiled at her, handed her her suitcases, and left. 

Jemma took a deep breath. She thought about seeing Daisy again. What should she say? Would Daisy try to hug her? Would she even remember her? She thought of Ophiuchus, how it’s always there, bright and beautiful. Maybe their friendship was like that. Maybe they would just bond again instantly. Maybe they wouldn’t. Jemma braced herself, and walked in.


	4. Cold hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one was so much fun to write ngl

Daisy looked up when she heard the door open. She’d been sitting on her bed, transferring some of her stuff from her old laptop and phone to the newer S.H.I.E.L.D. issue one. It had more storage and was a newer model. She kept some personal stuff on her old drive, and figured she’d use it for netflix and the such, but all her computer science related things were going on her new laptop. She’d need it for class.

“Daisy?” She looked at the English girl standing before her, older, but still Jemma. She still had her brown hair and doey brown eyes. Her cheeks were still lightly spattered with the same old freckles. She got up and over to hug her.

“Bobbi said you’d be coming but I didn’t know if it was actually you or not. I thought I’d never see you again.” Daisy told her as she hugged Jemma. She felt her slowly moving to hug her back. Daisy held her for a second and slowly let go. 

“I’m taller than you now.” she simply stated, pointing out that Jemma was now a good 4 inches shorter.

“And you have darker hair than you used to. I like your necklace.” Jemma told her, studying the little necklace that hung around her neck. It had a small silver chain with a daisy on it. 

“Thanks. How come you’re here as well?” Daisy asked her, moving to take Jemma’s bags and put them by her bed. 

There were five beds in the room, each had a bedside table next to it, 3 were against one wall, two on the other. The two on the right were already taken, there were bags on them both, things scattered across them. The inhabitants were nowhere to be seen. The one on the far wall on the left side was also taken, a blonde girl who looked to be about 5 '6'' lay on it, listening to music with her eyes closed, hands drumming some sort of pattern on the bed sheets. Daisy had taken the one on the middle on the left, leaving Jemma with the last one by the wall. Perfect. Jemma liked to sleep against a wall. She wondered if Daisy remembered this, and then quickly pushed the idea out of her head. The far wall had 5 chests of drawers lined up along it. Each one was about 2 feet wide and 3 feet tall, and had 4 drawers to it, all on top of each other. Above each set of drawers was a pin board.

It was spacious. The ceiling was slanted, so they must be at the top of the school. There were three skylights that were currently closed. It had been raining earlier so that made sense. Jemma breathed in. This was good. A lot of mammals thrived in cohabitation, humans included. Some canines lived together and formed a sort of pack, she wondered if this would be like that.

“Jemma?” Daisy asked her. She was now sitting on her own bed, waiting patiently for Jemma to fall back to earth. She’d missed her.

“Right, yes, sorry.” Jemma said, snapping out of her trance, moving to sit on her own bed opposite Daisy. She started to tap her fingers together again. Daisy smiled at this. Jemma had always been a fidgeter.  
“Um, well you remember how I was always smart?” Daisy nodded, remembering how her friend had always shyly outshone everyone else, never wanting to draw too much attention. She wondered why, briefly, but then remembered how Jemma had reacted when all eyes in the room were on her, all stutters and fidgets, oversharing It made sense then. 

“After you left I didn’t have much to do but study. My teachers introduced me to GCSE work in year 4, and by the end of primary school I had GCSEs in maths, further maths, triple science, french and spanish. S.H.I.E.L.D. got in contact around May last year. How about you, how come you’re here?” 

“Wait, you have 7 GCSEs? I’ve never been in one place long enough to take any country’s official exams.” Jemma nodded.

“My parents are S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, so I spend a lot of time over at HQ. I started learning to build and program computers, turned out to be kinda a whizz at it, and here I am.” She told her. 

“Yeah, I remember you always liked to play around with the class computer.” Jemma recounted what Daisy had said. Something felt off.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. agents? As in like, spies?” Jemma asked her, confused at Daisy’s word choice.

“Well, it is the world’s most advanced spy agency, although not everyone works as a field operative. We’d be going into Science and Technology if we stayed for the academy.” Jemma considered Daisy’s words. They explained a lot, the high security, all of the funding, the remote location.

“I don’t think I’d be a very good spy. I’m not very good at lying. Or sport.” Daisy smiled. She didn’t think she’d be a very good spy either. Sure, she could fight, but she didn’t enjoy it much.

The door opened and two girls walked in. They were both around 5’2”, they both had thick, dark hair and brown skin, but that’s where the similarities ended. The one on the left wore black skinny jeans, the front of an AC/DC shirt with the ‘Back in Black’ album cover on it tucked into them. She wore black Doc Marten boots and a striped shirt underneath her tshirt. Her hair was down and flowing over her shoulders. Jemma noticed it had little red streaks in it. The one on the right was standing with her hands in her pockets. She wore a hello kitty t-shirt under a light blue hoodie and a pink denim skirt with white converse. Her hair was tied up and she wore star earrings.

“Hi,” the one on the left said in a light Irish lilt. “I’m Ali, that’s Bella. What’re we talking about?” she asked, flopping down on her bed.

“Just comparing origin stories. I’m Daisy, this is Jemma.” Daisy told her. Jemma smiled, not quite sure what to say. She fidgeted with her sleeve. Were these girls really her age? They seemed so much older, and more confident. Jemma realised that she was the shortest one in her dorm now. She stood at 5’0, these twins(?) were around 5’2”, Daisy was about 5’4” she had to guess, and the other blonde girl who hadn’t said anything yet looked around 5’6”. 

“Aight, so how’d you two end up here?” Ali asked, pulling off her boots so she could put her feet up on the bed. 

“Well, I got scouted straight outta the hub. Computer science is my thing. Jem?” Jemma looked up from her hands. 

“Um, well. I have 7 GCSEs and I’m 11. My mum got an email from S.H.I.E.L.D. asking me to come. I didn’t want to initially because I don't like change very much but then Katie ripped up my biology notes so I decided to leave. Does anyone know what time we need to go for dinner? They haven’t given us a time table for the day and I usually eat at 6.” Jemma blurted out. She tried to look at Ali and Daisy and Bella all at once but it just didn’t make a lot of sense. She said it mostly to Daisy, she felt safer with her.

“Aye, similar story here. Our Ma works abroad so we’re always being shipped off to some boarding school or other. The last decided to dish out IQ tests and we both ended up with craic results and here we are.” Ali told her, finally flopping back onto the bed with a sigh.

“I asked Bobbi what time dinner was and she said she’d come up to get us.” Jemma exhaled. She just had to wait for this new routine. It’d be ok. Besides, she had Daisy now.

“We just went for a walk about the grounds, they’re well grand. The library is an entire building! As far as I could tell, all the dorms are round this way, classes should be in that one across the way there, and I think the one opposite that is the sports hall but I can’t be sure.” Bella continued. 

“Have you guys spoken to her yet? Bobbi said that she was her sister and her name was Edie, but that’s all.” Daisy asked. Everyone shook their heads. 

“Maybe we should leave it. She doesn't look like she wants to be disturbed.” Jemma said, not wanting any confrontation. She knew if she was lying on her bed in her own world she wouldn’t want 4 strangers disturbing her. 

“Ah sure, let’s let the wee wane rest. Maybe she’s jet lagged. I am for sure” Ali said, gazing up at the ceiling.

“Really? Where have you come from?” Jemma asked. She hadn’t been to many places. Or any, really. She’d been to Ireland for a summer when she was younger, but that was it.

“We’ve just hauled in from Canada. We were over staying in mammy’s holiday house.”

“Oh, do you speak french?” Jemma asked, suddenly curious. No one else had mentioned being bilingual, let alone trilingual, and she wasn’t used to feeling this well matched. 

“I don’t speak French, but I know Mandarin, mostly fluent Russian, and so by relation by Ukrainian and some Jin and Catonese from the Mandarin.” Jemma looked at her, shocked, as did the twins. She didn’t know Daisy spoke so many languages.

“What, I grew up around spies, of course I know languages. I think we have to learn them here anyway.”

“Ah, well we speak enough French to get by, and some German.” Ali said.

“I speak French and Spanish almost fluently.” Jemma told them, slightly embarrassed at how much more Daisy knew than she did.

“I speak Russian, Mandarin, French, Italian, Polish and some Spanish. ” A soft voice piped up from the corner. Everyone turned around to look at her. She was still laying on her bed, but she’d taken her headphones out now. 

“Name’s Edie Morse, call me Ed. I’m from America, but I’ve lived in France and Italy. I’m here for operations, as opposed to you geniuses, but I did take a few high school biology classes, so I’ll be studying that here as well. You met my sister Bobbi. She’s the reason I’m here, put in a good word for me with Weaver.” Edie didn’t move the entire time, other than her fingers which were still doing their funny little dance.

“Well, I guess you know who we all are, and boy is that a lot of languages.” Daisy said. Jemma looked at Ed. She liked her, she was straight forward. Her voice was soft, almost delicate. She was wearing a black tank top and leggings, her hair was blonde and spread out across her pillow. She was more relaxed than anyone else in the room; they all felt like they were holding their breath, whilst Edie seemed perfectly at ease. 

Jemma watched as the clock turned 6. Bobbi still hadn’t come up to get them. Jemma thought about dinner. It would be 250 people, all in one room. What if they didn’t have any food she liked? What if there was too much noise again and Jemma had one of her infamous ‘moments’, as her mother had called them. She fidgeted slightly uncomfortably, pulling on her sleeve now. 

She felt a warm hand on hers. She hadn’t been aware that her hands had been so cold. 

“Jemma, you okay?” She looked up from where her eyes had been fixed on the floor to see Daisy, concern playing behind her eyes. Jemma nodded, not really sure what to tell Daisy.  
“I-I just like routine.” She said, her gaze returning to the floor. Suddenly, a small fluffy thing was flying towards her. Jemma panicked and her head jutted sharply to the left like it did when she was upset. Daisy caught it, looking down. Jemma moved over to Daisy’s bed to look at it. It was a small pouch. 

“I don’t get the routine thing, but there’s fidget stuff in there. Good distractions.” Ed said. She was now sitting up straight, fiddling with a necklace that she wore. Jemma opened the pouch and pulled out a little fidget cube. She started to push the buttons, it satisfied her, the pressure feeling nice. She could feel Daisy watching her as though she had questions but wasn’t sure where to start with them.

“Thank you.” Jemma said, putting the pouch to one side. She looked at Daisy.

“Hey, you do you. You’ve always been a fidgeter anyways.” Jemma nodded, grateful. Everyone was far nicer here. 

In some ways she compared herself to a marine turtle. They spent much of their life alone, only finding a partner to mate and then leaving. Maybe she could be more like a bluestripe snapper, or surgeon fish. Maybe before she hadn’t found her shoalmates. (a/n i looked it up, that’s legitimately what they’re called and it’s absolutely adorable)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pleaseee tell me what you think of the OCs :D gotta love feedback


	5. As you always were

The girls turned around when Bobbi entered the room. 

“Alrighty kiddos, you’ve got 15 minutes to make your way downstairs. Bathroom is through there,” she gestured to the a door at the back of the room,

“Dinner will be at 6:30 every night. I’ll meet you at the bottom of the stairs outside, if you’re late we will leave without you.” Bobbi left, apparently going to knock on some other doors.

“How pish posh is supper going to be? Like is it a big deal here?” Ali asked. Jemma had absolutely no idea, but compared to everyone else she was practically in her pajamas.

“I think I’m going to put on some jeans and a shirt. I’ll be back in a minute.” She went to open her suitcase and pulled out some blue jeans and a gray spotty shirt. She hurried into the bathroom, really just needing a breather before dinner. When she walked in she was half expecting a bright white light, the kind that they had in public bathrooms, but was glad to find a dull kind of yellow light. She slipped into a cubicle and sat on the toilet. 

She thought about the girls she’d met. The Irish twins seemed similar, despite their different appearances. They were both friendly enough, and didn’t give her any weird looks when Ed had thrown her the fiddle packet, or if they had, she hadn’t caught them at it. 

Ed. She was hard to read. She didn’t seem big on expressions, but then again, neither was Jemma. Maybe she was just tired.

Then there was Daisy. Amazing, bubbly, confident, multilingual (apparently) Daisy. She’d missed her. She thought about how she’d touched her hand, how comforting such a small action had been. 

She thought she could fit in with these people. They were different from her, of course, but not in the same way she’d always been different. They were different in the way that she’d experienced being different.

She thought about what her mother had said in the car. ‘Lots of kids like her end up at S.H.I.E.L.D.’ She had doubted that. She’d never really met anyone like her, almost as though she had some kind of unique genetic mutation, like she was a different kind to the same species, but it had never occurred to her that she might not be the only one.

She thought of her mother. She’d promised to call her later, so of course she would, but this wasn’t quite so bad as she thought it could’ve been. She got up and started to get changed, she heard someone come in as she was buttoning up her shirt.

“Hey, Jemma. Just Ed.” 

“Okay.” Ed didn’t say anything back.

She left her cubicle and looked at herself in the mirror. She considered taking her hair down, but she knew it would end up upsetting her later. She took it out and redid it, plaiting down her back instead of having it in a ponytail. She took Ed’s fidget cube out of her pocket and began to play with it again as she left the bathroom.

Daisy looked up from her phone as Jemma entered. The data transfer was done, but she wasn’t sure what to keep on her phone that had already been put onto the new laptop. 

“Hey, you ready to go?” Jemma nodded and grabbed a zip up hoodie, Daisy followed her out of the door, leaving Ali, Bella and Ed in the dorm.

“You know, up here on the shortest day, we might be able to see Ophiucus .” Jemma said, wondering if Daisy remembered.

“I saw it once, when I was up in North North Canada last winter. It was breathtaking. Made me think of you.” Jemma smiled at that. She had thought of her.

“Cygnus reminds me of you. Bright, although not quite steady. I’m the steady one here.” Jemma pointed out.

“As you always were. I’ve never been steady, not like you. Remember all those times I’d make you run after me, pretending we were part of the star systems.” Jemma smiled as she looked over at Daisy.

“Did you have to leave because of S.H.I.E.L.D.? Did your parents get a new mission or something?” Daisy thought about telling her that they were only supposed to be in england for a month but they stayed because of her, but changed her mind. There would be time for that later. 

“I went to Italy for a week after England, I think. Then I was over in China for a month. That’s when my mandarin got really good. I’d spoken it with my mom casually, but it helps if you get used to speaking only one language all the time, and reading books is good.” Jemma thought about Daisy, moving around all the time, nothing ever permanent. She couldn’t imagine that kind of life, no routine, no steadiness, constant moving. 

“Will staying at school be a strange change of pace for you then? It’s just, you’ve never had anything constant?” Daisy considered it. Her mom and dad had said something about that when they were trying to decide if this was the right thing to do. She didn’t get it, the whole routine thing. She’d never had one, and she’d never really felt she needed one. Her mom had her whole 5am tai-chi thing that she’d tried to get Daisy to do a while back, but she didn’t ever have the attention span. She preferred sparring with her. At least she didn’t have to be quiet for that.

“I don’t know, I guess it’ll be weird. I’ve been to school before, so I get the lesson thing, but I’ve never really had a set time for meals, or exercise, or sparring, so I guess that’ll be a change of pace.” Jemma didn’t know how Daisy could get anything done. When she didn’t have a routine, or plan for what was going to happen, or someone messed it up, it’d send her into a frenzy. It wasn’t pretty.

“What classes are you taking?” Jemma asked her, realising that they might not even get to see each other much during the day.

“Uhh, computer science, software engineering, maths and martial arts. What about you?” They were outside now, waiting for Bobbi.

“Organic chemistry, advanced mathematics, biochemistry and neurochemistry.” Jemma told her.

“We don’t have any classes together.” Jemma shook her head,

“I looked at the time table, we might have MFL together.” Daisy nodded, she doubted that they’d have MFL together, they spoke different languages so they’d all be given a placement test, but she could hope.

The door to the dorm buildings opened behind them, Ed walked out, wearing a hoodie and jeans now, earphones back in. She was shortly followed by Ali and Bella, who both grimaced slightly at the cold Scottish weather. Bobbi walked around the corner,

“Naushniki, moya mladshaya sestra” (earphones out, my little sister) Ed rolled her eyes and took out her earphones, wrapping them around her ipod. Her music made it easier to focus, kind of like it cleared everything up. Without it, the roaring in her ears was too loud, everything was bright, but muffled. It was easier, when she was flatter to have it on.

“Spasibo,” (thank you) Bobbi said, her tone almost annoying. She turned to address the group.

“Alrighty, we’re heading over to the canteen now for the first year dinner slot, then you’re wanted in the assembly hall to be given your logins for the S.H.I.E.L.D. prep website, and your S.H.I.E.L.D. id numbers if you don’t already have one.” she turned and started walking towards the building that Jemma had entered at the beginning to find Bobbi.

“What were they saying?” She asked Daisy, Ali and Bella besides them listening.

“She just told her to take out her headphones. Or maybe I’m lying and she said get the cyanide ready, you will never know.” Daisy winked at Jemma. She looked at the pavement as they walked, concentrating on her trainers. Bobbi had said that it was only the first years who ate at 6:30. That was good, that was only around 50 people, nothing compared to what she’d put up with before. 

They reached the canteen, and joined the queue of kids who were waiting to serve themselves. Daisy stood on her tiptoes, trying to see what they had. She wasn’t tall enough, so she just shook her head at the others. They all turned expectantly to Ed, who stood around 6 inches taller than Jemma. She seemed to be gazing very intensely at something on the floor. She rolled her eyes and stood on her tiptoes.

“Uhhh, looks like there's fries, mash potato, pasta, two different pasta sauces, some carrots, peas, corn, chicken nuggets, maybe some tater tots, grilled chicken, and there are some sauces and stuff on the table at the end. There’s apple pie for dessert, and they’re handing out cartons of juice.” she stood back down normally. Daisy thought about what she wanted. She figured she’d go for pasta, couldn’t go wrong with pasta. 

“That’s bang on, like,” Ali said.

“Our mam’s always on about her fancy health shite, haven’t had class american fried food for donkeys.” Bella explained.

“Donkeys?” Daisy asked, confused. Americans didn’t eat donkeys, at least not in her experience.

“Ay, donkeys. You know, like a long time? Do you folks not have that over this way?”

“No, donkey’s years is a commonly used expression here, I think Miss ‘I’ve traveled everywhere’ just hasn’t heard it.” Jemma said, giggling a bit at Daisy’s expression.

“I’ll have you know that I’m very well cultured, I just don’t get all of your strange brit things.”

“I’ll have you know that our ma would have ye hanged if she heard ye call her a brit. Right old Irish Catholoic she is.” Ali said, almost laughing.

“Oh, are you religious?” Jemma asked. She didn’t want to offend anyone, as a general rule.

“Naw, bunch of dryshite in my opinion. Still, keeps her happy.” Ali said, they all shuffled forwards in the queue a few steps.

“Oi, Ali, what would Mammy say. Besides, I think the whole thing is fine, ay. Kind of sweet, something to believe in like that.” Ali rolled her eyes at her sister. In truth, she sometimes liked the idea of something bigger, some kind of benevolent, omniscient being. It comforted her, feeling that it wasn’t just this. She’d always hated church however, boring fecks they were.

They all got their food one by one and flopped down at a time. Jemma opted for her usual chicken and chips, not wanting to be too adventurous. For now, at least. Daisy was already digging into spaghetti bolognese, the irish twins had opted for fries, grilled chicken and corn, and Ed was picking at some mash, chicken and carrots, not looking particularly interested in any of them.

“What classes are you guys taking?” Daisy asked them. 

“I’m doing advanced maths, mechanical engineering, chemical engineering and physics.” Bella muffled through a mouthful of fries.

“I’ve got advanced maths, chemical engineering, biochemistry and neurobiology. Figured I’d cover all boards, ya get me?” Ali said, cutting at her chicken.

“I have advanced maths with the both of you, biochemistry and neurobiology with you, Ali, as well as organic chemistry.”

“Crackin’. What about you, Daisy, what’re you takin’?” Ali looked over to her.

“Uh, well nothing quite as sciencey as you all, just regular old math, martial arts, computer science and software engineering.”

“Ah, so you’re in tech, sound.”

“What about you, Ed? What’re you taking?” the blonde girl looked up from her plate to Jemma.

“Uh, linguistics, just plain ol’ bio, martial arts, advanced combat training and operational field tactics. Again, I’m more into ops than you science nerds. Although, I guess I’ll have martial arts with you, Daisy.” Ed smiled at her before looking down again, bouncing her knee under the table. 

“Should I bother asking where you all grew up, or am I going to get lists of countries you’ve all lived in?” Jemma asked, joking a little.

“We grew up all over, spent most of our lives travelling, lots of boarding schools, lots of tutors, lots of apartments, you know how it is?” Bella said, this time without a mouthful of food. Ali just nodded in agreement. 

“Made sure to stick with our roots, hence the accents.” Bella continued. Daisy understood that. It was part of the reason she’d had her mother teach her mandarin. She spent so much time all over the place that she didn’t have a great idea of ‘home’. There was always the hub, she knew she could always go there and there’d be a room for her, but it was too busy, too full of faceless people in suits.

“I grew up in America, mostly. Moved to France when I was 9, then to Italy shortly after. My sister left for the academy last year, so we moved back to the states.” Ed said, not sounding remotely pleased about Bobbi leaving. Jemma wondered why she hadn’t wanted to move back home. 

“Welp, my parents are S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, so I’ve never had a home for longer than about 6 months. Grew up all over, but kept my accent because of my mom and dad, get the mandarin from my mom.” Jemma knew all of this, but it seemed to surprise the twins. Ed didn’t look too shocked, but she hadn’t been about much so far. 

“I grew up in the same house my whole life. It’s in a little town in England. Everyone knows everyone, it’s very sweet and quaint, and you’re all deprived of that white picket life.” She said the last part in a southern american accent, which made Daisy and the twins chuckle.

She thought about their different walks of life. She felt like a baby bird, she’d never flown far from the nest, especially not alone. Her roommates were more like butterflies, they’d migrate to another country every 6 or so months, never staying in one place for long. Or maybe they were like turtles, the babies would be left alone to fend for themselves, exploring the sea. 

They finished their meal, exchanging life stories, little quips from their different childhoods. Jemma found out that the twins had made history as the first brown girls accepted into some school abroad. She found out that Daisy was the daughter of two of S.H.I.E.L.D. 's best, and she called the commander of the entire organisation auntie, which had perked up Ed’s interests. She found out that Edie had trained with her sister in martial arts since she was young, and was homeschooled for most of her life. She’d been at public school in America but after she was diagnosed with ADHD and the school system had refused to make accommodations, her parents had pulled her out.

“They figured that with 5 PhDs between them and another daughter who was already half raising me they could do just fine” she’d said. Jemma wondered if this was true. Humans were social animals, especially during early adolescence, like many species were. She wondered if Edie, along with herself, was an exception to this.

Bobbi had come in to get them.

“Okay, time to go. We gotta get round to the assembly hall so y’all can pick up your IDs and login stuff.” They all got up and followed Bobbi like little ducklings. 

“Dobrze się bawisz, malutka??” (you playing nice, little one?) Jemma heard Bobbi say to her sister.

“Tak. I nie nazywaj mnie maleńką” (yas. And don’t call me little one) Jemma turned to Daisy expectantly. She just shrugged at her.

“I don’t speak Polish.”

“Well then how’d ye know it’s Polish ya eejit?” Ali asked.

“The accents, dingbat.” Daisy poked back at her. Bobbi ignored both of them, glad that they couldn’t understand her this time. She hadn’t really been anticipating Daisy being able to speak Russian. Then again, she was The Cavalry’s daughter, so she was a bit of a wild card.

In truth, she was worried about Edie. She hadn’t socialised much when she was younger, she always said the other kids worked too slowly. She hoped that there would be some more kids like her at S.H.I.E.L.D., she knew a lot of the kids in her class were neurodivergent too. She just wanted to see Edie looked after. She hadn’t really found her pack until S.H.I.E.L.D. either.

Her sister had talked to her a lot about how separated she felt from everyone else. Bobbi knew she could never understand, never understand what it felt like, never understand why, and it hurt her. Edie has had a psychiatrist for a while, to try to help her cope with her ADHD when they moved back to the states, but even the psychiatrist adn’t been able to determine why her little sister felt so separated, so unreachable, all the time. She’d vaguely suggested it could be something to do with ADHD, maybe a dissociative symptom, but there was nothing conclusive she could say. So Bobbi had watched Edie suffer, grasping onto the world, forever watching it slip through her fingers.

Getting the kids’ logins and IDs was quick enough, putting at it 7:15 by the time they got back to the dorm building. 

“Alrighty, can you just try out your ID cards on the door please. Need to make sure they all work okay.” They took it in turns beeping their cards against the scanner, waiting on the other side of the door for everyone else. They all worked perfectly. It was 5 flights up to their dorm, apparently first years were all up the top of the building. Once they reached their room Bobbi said her goodbyes.

“Alrighty, this is where I leave you. Lights go off at 9:30 for you, but there’s no bedtime really. I’d rest up, the first day is always exhausting. I’ll be around every six or so weeks, but I’m usually accessible via text.” She told them. She lay a hand on her sister’s shoulder.

“Zadzwoń do mamy i taty. Martwią się. Kocham Cię, maleńka.” (make sure to call mom and dad. They worry. Love you, little one.) Edie nodded.

“Też cię kocham.” (love you too) she told her sister, placing a hand over hers before letting her go.

“Bye, kids.” Bobbi called over her shoulder as she headed down the stairs. 

“Well, I guess this is it.” Daisy said.

“Aye.” Ali said in return.


	6. Pieces of a puzzle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitzsimmons!!! i love them!!! also some edie content because i love her a lot (i use mostly my own ADHD and knowledge of it to write her, it can be hard to articulate, so i'm sorry if it doesn't ring true for you, i'm trying i promise)

Jemma waited anxiously in advanced maths. It was only her second day, third period. She drummed her pencil steadily against her desk, waiting for someone to be assigned to sit next to her. She’d decided to wear a baby blue shirt under her black zippy with jeans. It seemed like the correct kind of thing to wear. She’d spent ages trying to decide what to wear last night, until Daisy had given in and helped her.

Professor O’Doherty sent a boy with curly hair and a monkey t shirt to sit next to her.

“Hello. I’m Jemma Simmons.” She said to him as he got his laptop out of his bag. He sat up to look her in the eye.

“Fitz.” He said, holding out a hand. She giggled a bit at that.

“What?” He asked her, she noticed he had an accent, although she couldn’t quite place it.

“Nothing, it’s just I’ve never met an 11 year old who shakes hands before.” she said as she took his hand and shook it firmly. Fitz just shrugged.

“So, what brings you to this place? What’re your subjects?” she asked him, curious as to his field.

“Uhm, well. I have GCSEs in all three sciences and maths. I’m taking advanced maths, obviously, physics, mechanical engineering, and electromagnetism and photonics. And yourself?” She placed his accent as scottish, although he didn’t seem to use as much slang as the Irish twins did. Maybe they just enjoyed confusing Daisy.

“I have GCSEs in triple science, maths, further maths, french and Spanish. I’m taking organic chemistry, biochemistry and neurobiology, as well as advanced maths, obviously.” she was glad to find someone in this place who she could say with some certainty she was smarter than.

“7 GCSEs? How old are you?” He demanded.

“I’m 11, I’ll be 12 next week though. How about you?”

“Turned 11 bout a month ago.” Damn. That evened out the tables. He was almost a year younger than her.

“Alright, your attention please. You should have a paper in your inbox, we’re going to be looking through it in preparation for your exams. This first half term we’re going to be looking at the pure maths papers, to leave time for mechanics and statistics” he then said some very mathsy things that I will not be going into for personal reasons (such as maths makes me want to cry) before saying

“Open the document please, and start working through the questions on quadratics.” Jemma looked over to Fitz.

“Do you want to work together, or are you more comfortable alone?”

“I’m good together if you’re good together.” He said, and she just nodded.

Jemma quickly found that they worked well together, filling in what the other had been missing, like pieces of a puzzle. Where she was usually careless in checking through her work, he worked through it all again carefully. Where he would work through it too fast, his thoughts going faster than Jemma could keep up with, she would look through things slowly the first time, working through her checklist.

The lesson flew by. Jemma found that he loved monkeys almost as much as she loved animals in general, and they had a very over excited conversation about prehistoric monkey teeth that had been found in North America, but could be traced to Africa.

The lesson flew by. They worked through all of the quadratics work together, moving onto functions before anyone else.  
“Hey, uh Simmons. I’m around the library most of the time, I like to stay by the back shelves, it’s quieter around there. Drop by if you want, I like you.”

“Thank you, Fitz. I’ll make sure to come by some time.” She smiled at him before heading to the canteen. She met Daisy on the way there. She wore black jeans and a blue plaid shirt, with her usual daisy necklace.

“Heya, Jems. How was your schmancy math class?” she asked her as she slung her back further over her shoulder before turning to head to the canteen.

“It was good. I made a new friend, I think. We talked about monkeys and quadratics.”  
Daisy smirked a bit, nodding.

“How was your morning? I haven’t seen you since breakfast?” Jemma asked. The day before, Daisy had sat in the library with her during period 2.

“Uh, well period one I had free so I went back up to the dorm after breakfast and watched some netflix. Then I had martial arts with Edie for 2. The girl is like a machine, it’s like the only time I’ve seen her focused on one thing rather than her fidgeting or whatever. Then for three I went back upstairs to shower and here we are.” Jemma frowned.

“You took an hour-long shower?”

“Well, I played on my phone for a while.” that made more sense. They made their way through the canteen, Daisy getting some chicken chow mein and Jemma a cheese sandwich. They chattered, never seeming to run out of conversations to have. They’d missed so much of each other’s lives, and Jemma hadn’t really known half of Daisy’s life in the first place.

They’d clicked back into place straight away. If Jemma and Fitz were like pieces of a puzzle, Jemma and Daisy were two magnets, drawn to each other, like some greater force meant for them to be together. They’d only been reunited for around 48 hours, but they were already back to their old rhythm. Daisy was just comfortable to be around, Jemma was perfectly at ease in her presence.

She didn’t get that with a lot of people. She was used to feeling awkward, uncomfortable, in social situations. She was growing used to the twins, and she quite liked Ed.

“What do you have next?” Daisy asked her.

“Biochem with Ali. How about you?”

“Free period for 4, then for 5 I have software engineering. Apparently it’s just me and some other guy, which should be interesting.”  
“You’ll be fine. You’re good with people. Anyway, smaller classes increase learning benefits.”  
“I know. Thanks Jems. I’ll see you in the library after period 5, yeah?” Jemma nodded, watching as Daisy walked away. She got up, ready to head over to the labs for biochem.

* * *

When she reached the dorm after her hour in the library she found Ed in there, pacing up and down between the beds, wearing her sports kit.

“You okay?” Jemma asked. Her head snapped up.

“I- I need to shower.” Jemma was confused.

“Okay…”

“I can’t.” Jemma looked over to their bathroom door, which was indeed closed.

“Well why not?” Ed didn’t stop pacing.

“The- It’s all wrong. I need to open the door.”

She needed Bobbi. Bobbi knew what to do. Bobbi would say something along the lines of ‘come on, Eds’. Bobbi would find a way around it, find a way to untangle all the steps. Bobbi wouldn’t have the door closed in the first place, she’d leave it open. Bobbi knows her order, how things have to be for it to work. The bathroom door has to be open, her toothbrush has to be to the left of her toothpaste, her shirts belong in the top drawer. But the bathroom door wasn’t open, and part of the order didn’t include opening the bathroom door, and so how the hell was she supposed to get to the bathroom?

At home she ran on autopilot. She knew where everything was, she knew how to use it, how to get there. Here, it was like someone had said ‘here, fly the plane’ but she was blindfolded, and had no training. Jemma walked over and opened the door.

“Thanks, Jemma.” She mumbled before heading into the bathroom. She was frustrated at her brain, she couldn’t get the steps straight. She knew she needed to turn the shower on, take her clothes off and open the door, she just couldn’t quite figure out what was supposed to happen first, and her brain wasn’t quite sure of the timeframe.

She stood, staring at the shower. She leaned forward to turn it on. Good. Well done, Edie. She took off her tank top, then her leggings and underwear. Right. That was two steps. Snaps for her. She resisted the urge to hit her head with her hand, stomp her feet. Bobbi had spent enough time getting her out of the habits when she was younger.

She slowly stepped into the shower. Right. Molodets, malysh. That’s what Bobbi would say if she was here. They didn’t generally speak English to each other, out of habit. When Ed had started learning different languages, Bobbi had started speaking in pretty much anything but english. It annoyed their parents, both of them speaking only holiday spanish and english, but that just made Ed more keen to learn.

Ok, Edie, now you need to pick up the body wash. Come on, malysh. She picked it up, the water beating down on her back. Ok, good, well done. Now open it and squeeze some onto your cloth. She did that. Don’t get too cocky, she scolded herself.

She continued showering step by step, eventually emerging from the bathroom sweet smelling and wearing blue jeans and a black shirt, to see Jemma and Daisy sitting on Daisy’s bed looking at something on her laptop.

“Hey, Ed.” Daisy said, not looking up.

“Hey. What’re you doing?” she asked, walking over to Daisy’s bed, careful not to touch either of them.

“Daisy’s mum sent some videos and pictures of us from when we were little, come look.”

They watched as the two girls gazed up at the stars together, whispering indistinctly. ‘Hey, girls, can you smile for the camera?’ Daisy’s mom said from behind the camera. They both turned to face her, matching hideously exaggerated smiles on their faces.

“Well weren’t you two the gosh darn cutest little things I ever did see.” Ed said in a faux southern accent. Daisy smiled, looking at Jemma. Their friendship was sturdy, steady and bright, unwavering.


	7. A Fleeting Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here, have some fluffy fitzskimmons.

Daisy had been planning this for a while. It was the winter solstice, Ophiuchus should be visible in their sky tonight. She’d convinced Fitz to sneak over to the girls' dorm, telling him that it technically wasn’t against the rules if it was during the day. The sun was due to set at around 15:53, which meant that Daisy had time to get Jemma and Fitz up on the roof in time. 

It had taken some convincing to get them both to skip their usual study session in the library, but they’d finally given in after she admitted she had a surprise for them, and she’d given them plenty of warning. 

Daisy and Jemma were the only two staying in their dorm staying at school over christmas. Daisy’s parents were away on mission, although they promised to drop by for New Year celebrations. Jemma chose to stay at school, despite missing her mother, but she’d gotten herself into a nice rhythm and wasn’t too eager to give it up. Fitz stuck around because his mum was working and his dad was an asshole, which Daisy thought was fair enough, but seemed to upset Jemma a great deal.

Daisy had practiced clambering up onto the roof through the skylight in their dorm often enough. Ed had shown it to her, telling her it was nice to sit up there sometimes , just to be alone for a second. Daisy had found a small stool in an empty dorm and nicked it, hoping it would make it easier for the science nerds to clamber up. She just wanted this to be perfect for them. 

They entered the dorm, wrapped up tightly in coats, hats and scarves. Jemma wore a thick black coat with a dark purple beanie and jeans, Fitz almost identical, but with a blue beanie. Daisy was wearing joggers and a winter coat that her mom had gotten her when they were in Canada, with a red beanie.

“Hello, nerd herd, and welcome, to Daisy’s night of wonders.” Jemma rolled her eyes at her.

“What’re we here for, Dee? We’re sacrificing a perfectly good study hour for this, and if we don’t get our dinner at 6:30 we will riot.” Fitz said, shuffling from foot to foot impatiently.

“Quit your complaining, I am gonna show you something that will blow your collective mind. It will, however, require us taking a brief trip up to the roof.” They both opened their mouths to protest.

“Before you both start with your rules and whatnot, I checked, nowhere does it say that we’re not allowed on the roof, and trust me, it’s for a good cause.” She looked at the faces, both of them remaining unconvinced.

“Please?” she tried. Jemma rolled her eyes again, this time more in submission than indignation. 

“Fine, Daisy. But this better be great or I’ll set Morse on you when she gets back.” Jemma said, heading for the stool and the open skylight.

“I pinky swear.” Daisy said happily. She turned to look at Fitz.

“Well if she’s going I might as well.” he grumbled. Jemma was already up on the roof, sitting down, desperately trying not to look down to the campus below. Daisy followed shortly after, and then Fitz. 

“Well, what’s the surprise?” Fitz asked. They sat side by side, Daisy sandwiched in between them. 

“Just wait.” Jemma had been racking her brains. Why tonight, of all nights? It wasn’t Christmas yet, or New Years, or Chinese New Year, so why tonight? She gasped softly, grabbing Daisy’s sleeve.

“Tonight’s the winter solstice! Ophiuchus! We can see it!” Daisy nodded, excited to see Jemma’s reaction to the real thing.

“Ugh, this isn’t about your stupid astronomy thing, is it?” Daisy just nodded at him.

“It’s not stupid, Fitz. Stars are just our thing.” Jemma said, nudging Daisy’s arm a little.

“Then why the hell do I have to be here?” He asked, slightly exasperated at the girls.

“Because we just love you too much to leave you down in the library,” Daisy teased, leaning into him. She looked up and gasped softly, nudging Jemma.

“Look, up there.” she softly took her hand and pointed it in the direction of the constellation. Jemma’s mouth fell open, she could feel her eyes tearing up, although she wasn’t sure if it was from the bitter cold or the monumental beauty in the sky above her.

Stars littered the sky, the clear Scottish air and lack of cloud cover allowing for them to see what they couldn’t usually. Canis Major, Cetus, Eridanus, Gemini, Orion, Perseus, and Taurus all shone brightly. They weren’t unusual, she could see them anytime. She looked at where Daisy was pointing, and there it was. Faint, but there. She knew it would only be around for a fleeting moment, it was only visible in the day and it was nearing 4:30 already, so she took it in. 

She looked at Ras Alhague, the brightest star in the constellation. It was 62 light years away. She felt Daisy lean her head on her shoulder.

“Thank you, Dais. I will admit that this trumps studying.” Fitz looked at her in mock horror, and she just smiled at him. She was ok. She’d found her people. She had Daisy, and Fitz, and Ed, and Ali, and Bella. She looked back up at the sky, and it was gone. She thought about what Daisy had said.

“It’s always there, something bright and beautiful, even if you can’t always see it.” she mumbled. Daisy smiled. Maybe her parents hadn’t been completely mad sending her here. She had a pretty good thing going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank for reading :)


	8. Red Bean Buns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philidaisy!! Yay!! I love them!! no edie tho :(

Daisy was boxing in the gym the day after New Years, music blaring over the gym speakers. Her parents had promised that they’d come to celebrate after they couldn’t for Christmas. They weren’t picking up the phone, and she couldn’t help but worry. 

She wished Ed was here, to spar with, or even just Ali and Bella to talk to. She could talk to Jemma, but she didn’t much want to worry her. Besides, it was 9, so she was studying with Fitz.

She punched the bag harder, feeling the impact echo through her fists. She hadn’t bothered with the big boxing gloves, just using a hand wrap. She knew that if something terrible had happened that someone would’ve told her by now, so maybe they just didn’t care enough to come. Hell, they hadn’t even texted. She started kicking the bag. If Edie were here, or her mom, they’d tell her that her form was off, that she needed to rotate her hip, but they weren’t.

She heard someone enter, probably one of the older kids, but she didn’t turn around. She had a reputation, she was Daisy May, Melinda May’s daughter. She remained focused.  
“Nǐ xūyào xuánzhuǎn tụ bù, qīn'ài de bìng gèngjiā jǐnzhāng nín de héxīn” (you need to rotate your hip, honey. And tense your core more.) Daisy stopped, turning around. She ran into her mother's arms, collapsing against her.

“Wǒ yǐwéi nǐ fāshēngle shénme shì”(I thought something happened to you) she half cried into her chest. May was wearing her boots again, placing her a good 2 inches above her daughter.

“Guys, English, please?” 

“Shǎ lǎotóu” (silly old man) Daisy said, collapsing into her dad, breathing in his familiar scent. She pulled away, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

“Where were you? You said you’d be here yesterday.” She said, glaring at them both.

“We know, we’re sorry Daisy. We tried to get word to HQ to tell you that we’d be a day later but Comms were down, some accident in communications, I think. But hey, we’re here now, and we bought red bean buns?” her dad said with a smile. Daisy considered what he said, more interested in the food than their excuses.

“You were in China? Did you see yéyé and nǎinai? And are they proper buns or the yucky American ones?”

“We were only there for a couple days so we didn’t get to see them, and yes, they are proper buns.” Daisy lowered her eyebrow, but her arms remained crossed.

“Hmph. Fine. Whether or not I commit patricide depends entirely upon the quality of the buns.”

“Hey! What about your mom?” her dad said, really just glad that she didn’t seem so angry anymore.

“Well I could take you, couldn’t take her, she’s too cautious about everything, and she knows my weaknesses.” May smiled at that. Her daughter looked happier than she’d seen her in awhile, she silently thanked S.H.I.E.L.D. for taking care of her. She just wanted her to be okay.

“Jiǔ sì” (kinda like exactly, the literal translation is 94). May said, smiling down at her daughter.

“She couldn’t get away with matricide anyway, I’d come back and haunt her ass until she confessed.” Phil smiled. He loved his girls. He hated not seeing Daisy so often, but she did look better than she had, well rested, more comfortable. He followed Daisy and May out, Daisy grabbing her jumper and water before excitedly leading them to the dorms.

“Jemma and Fitz are in the library. I’ll take you down to the common room to meet them at 11. They’ve scheduled a nice little break for themselves, perfect for red bean buns.” she nudged her mom.

I’d introduce you to everyone else, but they’re all away. You might know Edie’s sister though, she's at the academy. Bobbi Morse?” 

“Yeah, I saw her training once when I was scouting for a new squad. She’s good, really good, just not quite old enough.” May said, thinking about the fiery blonde girl she’d watched. Part of her had wanted to go and give her some pointers, but she knew she was under strict instruction to look, nothing else. 

“Ed’s amazing as well, good to spar with.” May nodded, glad to hear that she’d made friends.

They braced themselves against the cold, the typical early January greyness overtaking them as they trooped over to the dorm building in silence. 

“I need to shower, then I’ll show you around. Unless you wanna go spar a round before le grand tour.” She finished in a faux french accent.

“Quand as-tu appris le français?” (when did you learn french) her mom asked, in better french than Daisy knew how to speak.

“Nous devons apprendre les langues ici. C’est ennuyeux, mais facile pour moi. Garde également papa alerte.” (We have to learn languages here. It’s a bore, but easy for me. Keeps dad alert as well.) She poked her father who looked grumpy.

“Just because I don’t speak a million languages doesn’t mean you have to speak anything but English to each other.” He said, pulling his daughter in to kiss her head.

“Mais, c’est amusant. Ton petit visage est alors trist.” (but it’s fun, your little face is so sad.) Daisy said, teasing him. May laughed at her.

“Hey, stop encouraging this behaviour.” May shrugged.

“You raised her.” she said, smirking at him. That was mostly true. Phil was around more when Daisy was very little, he’d oversee May’s missions from the Hub with Daisy sitting in his lap. When Daisy had gotten old enough, she’d toddle around mission control. Hill’s philosophy on this was ‘as long as she doesn’t get anyone killed she’s fine’ but Phil just thought she had a sweet spot for the child.

“Well you’re the one who decided to teach her languages, as though it couldn’t be used against me in the future.” 

“Have you considered that I did it so it could be used against you in the future, Shǎ lǎotóu?” (silly old man) She said, mimicking Daisy’s name for him from earlier.

“I’m going to assume that that means dearly beloved, and not something very mean.” he said.

“As though I would ever be mean to you.” Daisy said gasping loudly, placing a hand to her heart and throwing her head back dramatically .

They walked up to her dorm and Daisy hopped in the shower, coming out wearing black boots, not unlike her mother’s, but without the heels, black skinny jeans, and an oversized gray sweater with the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo on it. It had been her dad’s from his days at the academy, but she’d stolen it for it’s fleecy texture. She tended to keep her hair up, for convenience, but she hadn’t any intention of any more exercise for the rest of the day, so she left it down, brown curls hitting her shoulders.

Her mom stood by her drawer, studying each of their individual pin boards. Jemma’s was organised, she’d pinned her timetable as well as her study plan on the right, highlighting them in shades of blue. On the left, pictures of her and her mum were pinned up, along with one of Jemma and Daisy when they were little, all lined up in chronological order. 

Daisy’s, on the other hand, was an absolute mess. It was covered in photos of her and her parents from all over the place, doodles of her namesake flower, class notes in messy handwriting, stickers, selfies of her and Jemma, a boy with curly hair featuring in some of them. There wasn’t an inch of the actual board visible, it was all hidden under her personality, splattered onto a couple square feet.

The other three were different as well. One was covered with multi colored sticky notes, most of which seemed to be reminders for things, but weirdly outdated, like ‘unpack suitcase’ or ‘call mom and dad about week 1’. There were a couple of photos of a girl who May recognised as Bobbi Morse, as well as a couple who she assumed to be the girls’ parents and two black cats. 

The one on the far right side was mostly art, drawings that one of the girls must’ve done in her spare time. Flowers, music notes, rain, a watercolour of what appeared to be the school grounds, some scribbled band logos, that sort of thing. 

The other looked a lot like Daisy’s, but more carefully messy. It was littered with pastel colours, although the top corner had been reserved for a timetable. Little flowers were dotted all around, photos of two girls who appeared to be twins floated across it. 

May turned as she heard Daisy walk in.

“You guys good for me to take you around the grounds? We’ve got a good hour before the nerds down there are ready to eat.”

“Lead the way, Dais.” Phil said, standing from his position on her bed.

She took them around the sports block first, showing off the gyms and dance studios.

“I come over here with Ed sometimes when we’re the first ones awake, work out for a half hour.” she told them, walking comfortably around the gym. It was fully kitted out, all of the equipment Daisy could ask for, and more. There was a boxing arena for sparring, as well as a sprung floor for gymnasts, some bars and a vault. Daisy had never been much for gymnastics, missing the technique and patience it required, but she’d seen other kids do insane flips and stuff.

“There’s nothing particularly interesting in the library, so I’ll just take you around the main building.” she made her way for the largest building in the quad, this one had stairs leading up the door, but not like the dorm building had. These stairs were grander, tidier, like they were actually leading up to something. 

Daisy led them around the labs, the classroom, she tried to get into the computer lab to show them around but it was locked, and none of their IDs would open it. Of course, this place had nothing on the Hub, or the Triskelion, or even the academy, but it was pretty high tech, for a school. May wondered if the keypads required to enter every lab were slightly overkill, but this was S.H.I.E.L.D.

“We even have holotables in the engineering labs, although I’ve never been allowed to use them. Didn’t choose the right courses, I guess.”

“How are your lessons going, you haven’t mentioned them.” her dad asked as they walked down to the basement where the first and second year common room was.

“They’re fine. Different from just teaching myself, and I don’t love being graded on everything, but as long as I keep pumping out straight As, I’m fine.” she said, presenting her ID card to the reader on the door and swinging it open, only to find that Jemma and Fitz had beaten them there.   
They were sat together on a couch, having some sort of science related argument that Daisy would get a headache trying to follow.

“Hey, Fitz, these are my mom and dad, Jemma, you’ve met them.” They both looked up, Jemma smiling at the once familiar faces, and Fitz not even trying to hide his distaste.

“Mrs May! Coulson! I haven’t seen you for years!” Jemma said, jumping up. 

“Uh, just May is fine, Jemma.” May said, slightly confused at the title that Jemma had given her. May wasn’t even her married name.

“Uh, hullo.” Fitz said, looking awkwardly to the side. He wasn’t good with new people, unlike Jemma, apparently. Although, he supposed she did use to know them, so that must count for something. 

He didn’t know what he’d been expecting from Daisy’s parents, but this certainly wasn’t it. He thought they’d look a lot more… formal. Her dad was wearing a typical S.H.I.E.L.D. suit, the whole jacket and tie ensemble, but her mum was wearing black jeans, a leather jacket and high heeled boots. She dressed like a grown up Daisy, or even Ed. All the female S.H.I.E.L.D. agents he’d met wore pantsuits. 

“Are you a field operative?” he asked Daisy’s mum.

“Yup, she is. She even had a badass codename, but she doesn’t like it much.” Daisy said excitedly, wanting to show off her parents.

“Really?” Fitz was slightly more interested now.

“Well, what is it?” Jemma asked. May was getting increasingly uncomfortable.

“Classified.” she said, glaring at Daisy. She’d been taught better than to bring up The Cavalry. 

“Your codename is classified?” Fitz asked, confused.  
“She means it’s classified. You need to be a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent to know, and whilst you all have S.H.I.E.L.D. IDs, you’re not agents yet.” Daisy’s dad said. That made more sense.

“And you’re in communications?” he asked him. He nodded.

“Aww, you all have everything covered. May is ops, Coulson’s comms, and Daisy’s tech.” Jemma said. That made May smile. They were three parts of a whole, really. It had been strange, not having her around. Not going back to wherever they were staying to see Daisy waiting patiently for them. They’d talked on the phone, of course, but it wasn’t quite the same.

“Can we have the buns now please?” Daisy said, impatient and hungry. Jemma and Fitz looked at each other.

“What’re they?” Fitz asked as Daisy’s dad stood up to hand him a bun.

“Dòushā bāo. They’re a chinese bun thing, filled with this sweet red bean paste thingy. You don’t have to try it if you don’t want to.” Daisy said, before taking a bite out of hers and moaning.  
Jemma cautiously took a small bite out of hers, to find that it was pretty much normal pastry. She wasn't a fan of new food, or new anything, for that matter. Many species went their whole lives only eating one thing, and they seemed perfectly content. She hesitantly nibbled at it a bit more before finding a smooth, sweet red paste in the middle. She tentatively licked it, before taking a small bite, bracing herself for some repulsive texture. It was nice. The paste was smooth, it added a sweetness to the pastry. She nudged Fitz, urging him to try a bit. He took a bite and wasn’t quite as pleasantly surprised as Jemma seemed. He wasn’t filled with an overwhelming urge to gag though, so that was something. The texture was dry, it stuck to his mouth. He shook his head.

“If you don’t want that, I’ll eat it for you.” Daisy told him, winking. He handed her the bun and she’d finished it before he had time to say anything.

They stayed in the common room until Jemma and Fitz announced that it was time for them to go back to the library. They had some ‘groundbreaking work on biomechanical engineering’ to take a look at. 

“How long are you staying for?” She asked her parents as the science twins left. 

“Not long, we need to be back at the hub for 2, so we’ll be off soon. We’ll be around for Easter though, and mom ‘convinced’ Maria to give us a couple weeks off in July, so we can take you to China, if you’d like that.” her dad said. She thought about it. She hadn’t been to China for a while. Funnily enough, she’d been speaking more mandarin than she normally did. She and Ed had been helping Jemma and the twins learn, it was compulsory for them. 

“That sounds great. If we get to see yéyé and nǎinai then I’ll definitely be spoilt within an inch of my life, and I’m always down for that.” she said. She’d only met her grandparents a few times. Her mom had a bit of a weird relationship with them, although Daisy wasn’t sure why. Every time she’d met them they’d doted over her, they called her their xiǎohuā (little flower). 

She’d ran around with them in their garden, picking daisies that grew in their garden, chasing butterflies. She’d read her first book in Mandarin with her yéyé, he’d sat her on his lap in the evenings, helped her follow the unfamiliar letters. Her nǎinai had taken her shopping in the city, buying her books, tech, anything she could ask for. Apart from the daisy necklace that she now wore. She’d begged for it, but it was the one thing her nǎinai hadn’t bought her. Daisy hadn’t figured out when her dad had managed to get it for her, or if he’d gotten nǎinai to do it for him, but on her 9th birthday, there it was. 

They stayed down there, chatting, catching Daisy up on whatever details they could spare about missions whilst she filled them in on her classes and teachers until, eventually, but all too soon,

“We need to go, tiánxīn, but we’ll be around soon.” Her mom said, getting up to leave. Daisy went to hug her, disappointed that their visit had been so brief. She knew she’d see them soon, but part of her felt wrong, staying behind whilst they went off together, travelling to who knows where. Part of her was annoyed at them for leaving her behind. Then she thought about Jemma, their conversations in the library, the time they spent watching videos together in their dorm. She thought about Ed, all the time they spent sparring, working things out with each other. She thought of Ali and Bella, all the time they’d spent laughing together in the library whilst Jemma worked. She might have a home with her parents, but she’d built herself one here.

Her mom held her tight for a second, before turning to go, leaving Daisy alone with her dad.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” he asked her, pulling her into him for a hug.

“Yeah, dad. I’m okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i probs (definitely) should've said this in an earlier chapter, but i don't speak any other languages!! this is pure google translate!! idk what im talking about!!


	9. Completely Straight Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly wasn't expecting this chapter to happen so soon, or even at all, but hey-ho.

Ali and Bella had always been close, travelling so much had left them to spend more time with each other more than with other kids their age. They were each other’s home, in the way that a lot of siblings weren’t. They were constants for each other, they’d always have the other to depend upon.

Other kids they’d met had always made comments about how close they were, on how they didn’t let other people into their little lives very often. Even if it wasn’t meant as a compliment, it always brought a secret kind of joy to them, knowing they were best friends as well as sisters, knowing that they couldn't be torn apart.

Going to the S.H.I.E.L.D. school was a huge change to the system for them. They had never been close to anyone who wasn’t one of them before, they’d never settled like this, never really known people like this. It'd been one of the first times that they would be settling down at a school and not leaving halfway through the year. They’d been at S.H.I.E.L.D. 7 months now, it was March.

They’d summed up the other girls pretty quickly, both sharing similar impressions of them. Jemma was shy, not someone who was socially confident, she was sweet. She was reliable, she kept her promises. Daisy was the most confident of the three, good for a laugh. She was outgoing, grasping a level of sarcasm and sass the twins could easily echo. She was quietly kind though, not showing that side of her to many people, like it was to be protected.

Ali had seen it shortly into their first week, Daisy had found her fretting over her already mountainous pile of homework and had just sat and helped her with what she could, gentle and quiet. Bella was surprised to learn about this, not expecting it from Daisy.

Ed was like a strange combination of them both. She was quiet like Jemma most of the time, as though she was walking in a different world to everyone else, but when she’d come out of it, smile more, laugh more, she was fun, bubbly, happy. She’d offered the idea of her and Daisy teaching them all languages, giving them all something to bond over. It was good of her, really. Before that the group had been separated into Ali and Bella, Jemma and Daisy, and Edie alone.

They were talking quietly about whether or not to go home for the spring in the bathroom whilst Ali plaited Bella’s hair when they heard someone enter their dorm. They didn’t move, figuring it wasn’t important, and they were busy anyway, that was until they heard a phone ring.

* * *

Ed had always felt wrong. She wasn’t like Daisy or the twins, she’d known her home for her whole life, her home was in America, her home was with Bobbi, but somehow it just didn’t feel right. It was like she’d been running on a different wavelength to everyone else her whole life, and before S.H.I.E.L.D the only person who could ever get close to tuning into it was Bobbi, but even then there was only scratchy white noise, the occasional word, moment slipping through.

It was different now. She didn’t think she could ever be fully functioning at the same pace as everyone else, never quite reaching all the way through the blankness to reach them, but she got closer and closer, almost getting a grasp on their world. She was always going too fast or too slow, she couldn’t sync herself up with everyone else and it exasperated her, despite her efforts. This was good though, they’d all come closer and closer to her. Sometimes when she couldn’t sleep, she’d entertain the idea of scenarios in which she was fully there, fully with them, and she’d smile. Maybe one day.

She thought about her wrongness a lot, trying to figure out just what it was about. Why she felt so dislocated, why everything was simultaneously not enough but also far too much. How sometimes it felt like she was deep underwater, trying to understand everything everyone was saying, but they were speaking Norwegian. It wasn’t always all wrong, sometimes she felt closer to being right than she’d ever thought was possible.

She thought about Daisy a lot. How she made her feel like she was reachable, like she wasn’t a million miles away, how she didn’t look at her like she was losing it when she spaced out. She thought about Daisy, and how she was blunt, and funny, and gentle, but hard. How she made Ed feel like she was on the top of the world, but also like she was down, comfortable on the ground, almost solid.

Her phone rang. It was Bobbi, she’d said she was going to call, just to check in. She’d just entered her dorm, settling herself on the floor by her bed, facing the wall. It was easier to concentrate on a conversation if she was on the floor, less opportunity to get out a laptop, or to space out, or to get distracted by something.

“Hej maleńka, jak tam szkoła? Jak tam Daisy?” (Hey, little one. How’s school? How’s Daisy?) Bobbi asked through the phone, teasing humour playing through her tone as she asked after Daisy. Ed rolled her eyes at her sister, knowing that she couldn’t see.

“Szkoła jest w porządku, chociaż uważam, że miecze są lepsze niż pałki. A Daisy jest w porządku i to nie jest zadurzenie, jesteś po prostu głupi.” (School is fine, although I think swords are better than batons. And Daisy is fine, and it's not a crush, you're just stupid.) Her sister had instantly picked up on something when she’d first started talking about Daisy, raising her eyebrows. ‘Sounds like my little sister has her first crush, only about 4 years too late.’ she’d said.

“Czy jesteś sam? angielski jest... łatwiejszy. Wolę drażnić Cię w naszym ojczystym języku.” (Are you alone? English is... easier. I'd prefer to tease you in our mother tongue.) Bobbi asked, Ed taking a second to translate, the sudden language change throwing her.

“Oooh, you’re slipping Bobs, can’t keep up with me?” Ed asked her, shifting a bit on the floor. She ran her fingers along the ridges in the floorboards.

“I assure you, I can. I’m with Hunter and he’s becoming slightly overly invested in your love life.” Bobbi’d met Hunter last year, first year at the academy. Ed didn’t mind him, although she’d only met him a few times. He was hyper, didn’t tend to sit still a lot.

“I don’t have a love life, I just think Daisy’s very impressive, and good at what she does.”

“Sure she is, sweetheart. You know, no one can resist a woman who can beat you half to death and look good doing it.” Hunter interrupted. Edie blushed, thinking about their sparring sessions.

“She couldn’t take me.”

“Of course she couldn’t, I trained you.” Bobbi pointed out. Edie could almost hear her pride.

“God, a mini little Bobbi. Can’t imagine what that’ll be like when you get here.” Ed thought about this, but was interrupted by Bobbi,

“Hopefully by the time she gets here we’ll have graduated, although, considering the state of your grades, I wouldn’t put it past you to be around for another 4 years.” Ed chuckled a bit, thinking about a 21 year old Hunter in a class with her and Daisy.

“Even if you were still around by the time I get there, I bet I’ll still be able to kick your ass. And I won’t be so mini then, mom thinks I’m gonna be taller than Bobbi.” Ed said. She started following a fly around the room with her eyes, watching it flit around, to-ing and froing

“I have no doubts about that, and I’m scared to imagine a 5’11” you, prancing about in heels, all scary like.” He said. He’d met Bobbi in their first class. They were paired up and he’d been all cocky, assuming he could beat a girl. She’d had him pinned down in 30 seconds.

“Well, we’re only 17, I could still grow.” Bobbi pointed out.

“I bloody hope not, I’m only 5’10”! Can’t keep up with you Morse women.”

“Damn straight.” Bobbi said, planting a small kiss on his cheek and smiling.

“Can you guys please stop flirting? I can practically smell the hormones from here, and I’m not even on the same continent as you.” Ed said, grimacing a bit at her sister’s ickiness.

“Sorry little sis, but at least one of us has a healthy relationship, you’re just yearning for some girl and won’t even admit it.”

“Am not! She’s just really great. Anyway, even if I did, at least I have better taste than you, no offence Hunter.”

“Only a little bit taken. And you’re totally yearning, it’s like Yearn-sville Arizona over there.” Hunter said, as though he was pointing out the obvious, sounding annoyingly obnoxious.

“Nope, no yearning here. Just a completely straight girl having completely straight feelings for another girl.” Ed said, knowing it was no use. She was barely convincing herself.

“Come on, maleńka, there’s nothing straight about you.” Bobbi said, almost exasperated at her sister. They’d already had this conversation, years ago. Little 9 year old Ed had decided that boys were gross and that she was going to get married and have a wife, and she would propose with a sword with a jewel in the hilt instead of a ring.

“Ok, fine, even if I did have a crush on Daisy, which I don’t, I couldn’t do anything about it. Her and Jemma are practically made for each other.” Bobbi scoffed.

“Please, you’re all young. Anyway, we’re not telling you to do anything about it, maybe you are forever doomed to watch from a distance, but at least if you accept it and the opportunity arises you’ll be able to do something about it.” she pointed out.

“I have no intention to do anything.” Ed said indignantly.

“Ah-ha! So you don’t deny it anymore!” Hunter said. Ed sighed heavily.

“U tebya uzhasnyj vkus, sestra.” (You have appalling taste, sister.) Edie told her, shaking her head at him.

“Akh, ty deistvitelen lyubish' yego.” (You love him really.)

“Net, ya deystvitel'no ne.” (No, I really don’t) Edie scrunched her nose.

“I need to go, Eds, but I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Yeah, bye Edie. Good luck with the girl.” Hunter said.

“Don’t call me Edie, Lance. And goodbye, Bobbi, YA tebya lyublyu.” She hung up, the last thing she heard was Hunter saying ‘She called me Lance!’.

Ed got up, walking over to the bathroom. She opened the door to find Ali and Bella sat behind it, perfectly silent and still. They started when she opened the door, jumping back from where they’d been sitting next to each other by the sink.

“What’re you doing? How much did you hear?” Ed asked, instantly panicking.

“We were gonna come out, really we were, but it just started getting more and more awkward as the conversation went on, like.” Ali said, jumping up to explain.

“We’re really sorry, Ed. We weren’t earwigging, we swear. We couldn’t understand a lot of it, what with the door in the way and your whole multilingual thing.” Ed sighed, placing her hands on her head and turning around.

“What did you hear?” she repeated, not wanting to give away more than they already knew.

“Uh, your sister has a boyfriend-” Ali started

“And you think he’s a dope-” Bella interrupted.

“They flirted and it was manky,” Ed nodded, silently hoping they hadn’t heard anything about Daisy.

“And uh, you’ve taken a fancy to our Zee.” Ali half-whispered after being nudged by Bella, not wanting to upset Ed.

“Great.” Ed sighed. “ Just, please don’t tell her, okay?” They nodded. Ali offered her pinky finger, as did Bella, and they got a blank stare from Ed.

“What am I supposed to do with that?” she asked.

“Just loop your wee fingers around ours ya goon.” Bella said impatiently. Ed did so, slightly tentatively, and they shook on it.

“See, that’s a pinkie promise. If we tell anyone you can, I dunno... make us do all your homework for a week or whatever.” Ali said, slightly surprised that Ed didn’t know what this was.

“You guys know I’m in ops, I’d never trust you with my homework.”

“Yas, well, something like that.” Bella said, taking her finger away from the link.

“Just, don’t tell her please.” Ed asked once more. The twins just nodded.

“You know, you have mighty great taste. May’s quite the one.” Ali said, walking through to the dorm and sitting on her bed. That confused Ed for a second, before realising it was her last name. People often went by their surname in S.H.I.E.L.D., Fitz, Simmons, even her sometimes, her teachers would never admit it, but most of them confused Ed and Bobbi, just calling them both Morse to cover it up. Daisy was never called May. She’d said it was because of her mom, but no more than that. It didn’t make a lot of sense to Ed, Daisy’s mom sounded awesome, and a huge deal in big S.H.I.E.L.D., but she didn’t press.

“I mean, not my type personally, but she’s great.” she continued, making herself comfortable. Ed blushed again, looking to the floor as she walked through to the bathroom cubicle, really just needing to pee.

“Hey, Ed. In all seriousness, your secret’s safe with us. We support you, and whatever you decide to do or not do about it.” Bella said before following her twin out.

“Did you know? That she swung that way if you know what I mean?” Bella asked her, looking over to Ali’s bed.

“I mean, I had an inkling. Never woulda guessed the Daisy thing though.” Ali replied, thinking about Ed. She’d been good at hiding it, although Ali was rarely around with both Daisy and Edie, they’d spend time together sparring, though.

“Hey, is that why they’re always training together?” Ali asked, not sure if it was her imagination.

“Dowtcha, although it doesn’t explain why Dee trains with her.” Bella affirmed.

“I thought Daisy fancied wee Simmons anyway?” Ali pointed out.

“It may be so, but I don’t know about Jemma and Fitzy, I think he might have a thing for her or what.” Bella relayed. She’d watched them in the lab sometimes, how he’d call her Simmons, how he’d smile at her many ‘oh Fitz’s.

“Still, doesn’t mean Jemma fancies him. You know what would really twist up the whole thing, if Jemma had the hots for wee Morse over there. Then they’d all have a bit of a situation.” Ali chuckled to herself. They both knew full well this was all rubbish, that realistically, they were a group of 12 year olds, soon to be overly hormonal teenagers, but still, they amused themselves.

Ed exhaled deeply once they’d both left. At least it wasn’t Jemma, or Daisy on the other side of the door. She didn’t know the twins very well, but they seemed trustworthy enough. Anyway, it’s not like they’d gain anything from telling anyone, other than a really pissed off Morse, which is never a good thing. She’d be okay. She was good with secrets, she barely talked anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment any thoughts, feelings or emotions, because I'm still kinda on the fence between loving and hating this chapter and I wrote it a month ago.


	10. Holding on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here, have some skimmons

Daisy headed back up to her dorm. She’d tried to go workout, but it felt all wrong. It was a Saturday afternoon, she felt far too lazy, really just wanting to go and watch Netflix on her bed with Jemma. She was exhausted from the school week, finals were coming up, she hadn’t seen Jemma and she really just wanted to relax. Her usual theory of ‘sleep is for the weak’ had become her downfall recently. Jemma bugged her about it sometimes, telling her that sleep was essential to both her mental and physical well-being. Daisy usually brushed her off, but today she just felt sick.   
She practically crawled up the 5 too many flights of stairs up to their dorm. It was 4 on a Saturday, so Jemma would soon be back from the library. Daisy had no idea how she did it, stick to such a rigid routine, plan out all her days. She entered the empty dorm and half sat half fell onto her bed, exhaling deeply. 

She probably should’ve expected this crash, but she’d mostly just ignored her body’s screaming at her and persisted in her usual too much coffee, not enough sleep routine, staying up until the wee early hours, as Bella said. Ed did a similar thing, although she wasn’t as consistent as Daisy in her not sleeping habit, and she seemed to handle herself a lot better. 

She leaned over to her bedside table, scooping up her laptop. She opened netflix, trying to find something that would convince Jemma to sit with her. She wanted the smaller girl by her side, she wanted to lean her head on her shoulder and just be told that she was okay. She wanted to feel her body against hers, her warmth, her sturdiness. She just really wanted to be held. She felt a sudden pang of longing for her mom. She’d make her soup and sit with her, stroke her forehead and read to her in soft Mandarin. 

The door opened and Jemma walked in. She took one look at Daisy, how tired she looked, how pale she was, and sighed, walking over to sit next to her. Daisy leaned into her as she sat down.

“Hey, Jem. How was Fitz?” Daisy’s voice was weak, croaky, almost like she’d been crying, which she hadn’t. It was just allergies. To life.

“He’s fine. Are you okay?” Jemma asked, her voice soft, velvety. She’d seen this coming. Daisy had basically neglected any form of looking after herself recently, in favour of a ridiculous amount of revision and coffee. 

“I’m okay. Just a bit sick, I think. Do you wanna watch something?” she murmured. She was half whispering at this point, more focused on Jemma, how she felt against her, how solid she was, how real.

“We can just sit, but if you want to have something on you can do that.” Jemma wasn’t entirely convinced that Daisy would be awake and coherent enough to watch anything. Daisy shifted a bit, she was laying down, head resting on Jemma hip, half in her lap. She found Jemma’s arm and took it, holding on tightly, as though if she didn’t hold on she would float away.

“Put on one of your nature things. Then if I fall asleep you can catch me up later.” Jemma nodded and put on ‘The Universe’. It was a docuseries, and one that she loved, but it was relaxing, quiet, and wouldn’t induce any particularly disruptive movement in her. 

Daisy listened to Jemma’s heartbeat, her quiet breathing, her reliable tapping. She tried to listen to the documentary, but her mind kept wandering. She missed her parents. She hated being sick. And she was wasting precious study time. Jemma had told her that she was doing it all wrong the other day. She’s said that if she didn’t slow down she’d break. But Daisy wasn’t a genius, not like Jemma and Fitz were. In three weeks she’d be sitting her alevels, whatever the hell they were. As she understood it, Brits took them at the end of college, or sixth form, or whatever. She couldn’t keep up, and she couldn’t bear the feeling of getting left behind. She didn’t just have her computer science exams to worry about, she had to worry about her upcoming tests in various martial arts. 

She did the best in krav maga, hapkido, and aikido, and her mom had made sure she took tai chi tests anyways. It was just all too much, she’d been dumb to think she could’ve studied both martial arts and compscies. Jemma had tried to help, but she knew about as much about computers as Daisy did about biology. Fitz was good, they’d worked together on a couple of projects where he’d needed help with software designing. Ed helped her with martial arts, but she was doing slightly different ones to Daisy. Besides, she hadn’t been around much lately. It was good to have a friend though.

She focused on syncing her breathing with Jemma’s, like her mom had taught her when she was small, the familiar giddiness was falling over her, and she wasn’t too keen on the idea of having a full blown anxiety attack in front of Jemma. She felt everything slowly begin to melt away, or maybe it was her who was melting away. The smooth voice of the documentary hardly sounded English anymore, Jemma was slipping away. She fought the urge to stay awake, giving in to her sleep.

Jemma pressed a finger to her lips as the twins walked in. It was 6, nearly time for dinner. They’d been down in the library, finishing some maths homework. They took in the scene before them, Daisy sleeping in Jemma’s lap, looking more restful than either of them had seen her for months. They nodded, Bella took a photo, although it was slightly marred by Jemma's frown, and they headed to the bathroom to change. Jemma brushed a strand of hair from the sleeping girl’s face as they left, looking down at her.

“They’re so adorable!” Ali half squealed as her and Bella bundled into the bathroom.

“They don’t even realise.” Bella said, thinking about how peaceful they’d both looked. They’d both been watching Daisy get gradually sicker recently, they’d left her alone mostly, gently nudging her when necessary. She needed someone, but not them. They changed and crept back out to the main dorm, not wanting to wake up Daisy.

“You coming down with us, Jemma?” she nodded, carefully shifting out from under Daisy.

“I’ll bring her some dinner up, if she doesn’t eat she’ll feel worse in the morning.” 

“Does she have any of those disgusting chicken noodle soup things that she likes, the one in the pot, you know?” Bella asked. Jemma looked in Daisy’s bottom drawer, the one where she stashed food that she didn’t want anyone else to know about.

“Yeah. I’ll take it down. It’ll be easier than bringing up one of the dishes from the canteen anyway.” They trooped down to dinner. Ed was with Bobbi up at the academy, some sort of advanced training scheme thing. 

When they reached the canteen Jemma wolfed down her food. It was pasta today. She didn’t use to like it, but it had grown on her, as long as there was cheese. She didn’t want to leave Daisy alone, or take her cold noodles. She doubted that she’d wake up anyway, she’d looked exhausted, but Jemma didn’t want to run the risk. She left the twins in the canteen, hurrying back upstairs. Daisy was still sound asleep on her bed, the laptop still playing the docuseries. Jemma set the broth down on the bedside table and shook Daisy awake.

“Daisy, Daisy wake up. You need to eat something.” Daisy reluctantly opened bleary eyes, taking in her surroundings. She sat up, looking at Jemma slightly grumpily. Jemma resisted the urge to smile at her face, her little pout.

“What’d you wake me for? I was dreaming.” she grumbled.

“I know, I’m sorry Daisy, but if you don’t eat something you’ll just feel worse tomorrow. You can go back to sleep after, I promise.” Daisy went to roll her eyes, but spotted the noodles. Jemma passed them to her, as well as a fork. They had nothing on her mom’s, of course, but they were salty and flavourful, and couldn't be considered even remotely healthy. 

“You should have led with the noodles.” Daisy said through a mouthful of food, still half asleep.

“Yes, I realise that now.” Jemma hoped that Daisy would still be able to sleep later, but considering that she hadn’t slept properly since March she didn’t think it would be an issue. The twins walked in, chattering happily.

“Morning, Daisy.” Ali teased. Daisy flicked a forkful of noodles at her, and Ali gave her the bird.

“Don’t be mean, Ali.” Bella scolded as she sat on her bed, pulling out her laptop and headphones. Ali rolled her eyes at her twin as she did the same, pulling out her own laptop and settling down. 

Jemma passed Daisy a bottle of water once she finished eating. Daisy downed it in 30 seconds.

“I think that’s more water than I’ve seen you drink since… ever.” Jemma said, smiling slightly. Daisy handed her back the water bottle. 

“I’m gonna go get ready for bed.” Jemma nodded, watching as Daisy picked up her pajamas and headed to the bathroom. It wasn’t unusual for Daisy to get ready for bed this early, it was only 7, but she liked to lay in bed and study, knowing she didn’t have to move. Jemma didn’t like to get ready until she actually went to sleep, it was how her routine went, but horses for courses. She went to sit on her own bed, pulling out her laptop to relax and watch something. It was Saturday, so after 4 was free time, no studying or anything. On weekdays she studied until dinner and then afterwards she could relax. Daisy emerged from the bathroom wearing an old S.H.I.E.L.D. t-shirt of her mom’s and long pajama pants. She went to get her laptop, she needed to catch up on the time she’d missed, but Jemma got there before her.

“You need to stop obsessing, Daisy.” she said evenly. Daisy rolled her eyes and made to take her laptop but Jemma stopped her.

“You don’t understand, Jems. I’m not a genius like all of you, I can’t keep up. I’m 11! How am I supposed to do all this.” Daisy shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot, looking at the floor. Jemma put a hand on her shoulder. 

“Daisy, you belong here just as much as the rest of us. And you’re right, you’re only 11, you don’t need to be stressing about exams this much, they’re not for another 3 weeks, and your coursework so far is fine.” Jemma had initially been surprised at her sudden insecurity surrounding her grades, how she’d suddenly started focusing so much more energy on her results. She’d thought that Daisy was the confident, cocky, self assured one. It hadn’t even crossed her mind that maybe all the sleeplessness had been from anxiety, not until the other day. She hadn’t been sure how to talk to her about it, but better late than never. Daisy shook her head, eyes tearing up a bit, voice breaking.

“I can’t, Jemma. I just constantly feel like I can barely hold all of it together. I don’t even know if all this is necessary, I don’t know if I’m being ridiculous, but I know that I can’t just stop. If I stop, how will I start again?” Tears began to fall slowly down her cheeks, a combination of frustration and anxiety overwhelming her.

“If you keep overworking yourself like this you’re just going to keep crashing, it’ll hold you back. You don’t need to be studying long into the night, you don’t need to spend every hour between school and dinner in the gym. There are teachers who can help, you have friends who can help. Please, Daisy. Just today, just one night off.” Jemma pulled Daisy into a hug, holding her closely. Daisy leaned into Jemma’s head, wanting to engross herself in Jemma, pretend like nothing else existed.

“Please, just for today, just take a break. Watch a movie with me, we can push the beds together, I’ll stay with you the whole night. Just please, Daisy.” Jemma mumbled into her. Daisy nodded slowly, numbly pulling out of the hug to move Jemma’s bedside table out of the way so they could move the beds. Jemma pushed Daisy’s bed over so they were side by side. Jemma clambered into her bed and Daisy got in beside her, fully aware that it kind of defeated the purpose of pushing the beds together, but not caring anyway. Jemma put on Doctor Who, the season that Daisy pretended to find boring but secretly loved, and Daisy settled down against her, trying to ignore the voice in her head screaming at her. She leaned her head against Jemma’s shoulder, holding her hand under the covers, just for comfort sake. It was all too much, she felt unbelievably sick, embarrassed, stupid, but she was with Jemma, and she was holding her hand, and that made it just a little bit more right.


	11. Hers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand that's a wrap on their first year :D I promise there's more fluff next year

Jemma was sitting on the lawn by the lake at the bottom of the grounds, Daisy’s head in her lap, Fitz next to her. She watched Ali chase Bella around, begging for her phone back. Edie was leaning against Fitz, listening to music, knees bouncing, hands fidgeting. 

“Can you believe it’s been an entire year?” Daisy asked, her eyes closed, the sun too bright in the July sky for them to be open. Jemma thought back to the beginning of the year, how terrified she’d been of change. She was half dreading going home for the holidays, a 2 month disruption to her steady rhythmic routine she’d fallen into. She thought of how scared she’d been, how awful this had seemed. She looked at Fitz by her side, his usual curls underneath a green sunhat. He wore a blue shirt and green shorts, unusually casual for him, but it was the last day, it wasn’t like they had lessons. She could’ve missed out on this, these people, this moment, if she’d made just one different decision. 

Her and Daisy had only grown closer. She couldn’t imagine a day without her, really. Her lively conversation, her laugh. How she comforted Jemma with just her presence. She would feel empty without Daisy. Lots of people said that her and Fitz were two parts of a whole, which was true, he was the tech to her biochem, quite literally, but Daisy was like her person. Her person who she couldn’t go a day without. They were like bald eagles, they weren’t together all the time, but when they were apart there was no one else who was quite the same. 

She reached down to fiddle with a button on her striped shirt, Daisy grumbling slightly at having to re-adjust herself in Jemma’s lap. Jemma wore a black and white striped shirt, tucked into denim shorts. She didn’t tend to wear shorts, generally liking the sensation of trousers touching her legs, but it was too hot to care too much. Besides, Daisy’s head was heavy enough.

“It technically hasn’t been an entire year, you know, only 10 months, but I get what you mean.” Jemma replied, hands twisting her button

“Yeah, it feels like yesterday that I met you.” Fitz said. 

“You poor things. Whatever did you do with yourselves before you met me?” Daisy smiled to herself. When she’d reunited with Jemma the girl had been a nervous wreck for the first few days. She got the hang of things eventually, obviously, but it was strange to think about how far they’d all come. 

She loved Jemma. Not in a romantic sense, she didn’t think, but in a way that she couldn’t imagine a day without her smile, or her random (but always welcome) animal facts. She loved her in a way that Jemma was hers. It was like an unacknowledged thing between them. They would always come before anything with each other. The other girl would always be a priority, no matter what.

“I seem to remember leading a nice normal life in which rules were carefully observed, but for all I know it might’ve been a fever dream.” Fitz said. He remembered what he’d been like before he met Daisy and Simmons. Lonely wasn’t the best word. Alone might’ve been better, but that didn’t quite cover the depth of it. It was like a part of him was missing, and when he’d found them, he’d found a part of himself. He could imagine life without them, it just wasn’t half as bright as life with them.

“Hiya, what’s the craic, like?” Ali asked, spreading a black and white flannel shirt across the grass for her and Bella. She must’ve gotten her phone back, or just given in to her twin. She was wearing black denim shorts and a tank top with a skull on it. Very Ali, Jemma thought. 

Bella plopped herself down beside Ali, their brown skin glowing slightly bronze in the sun. Bella wore the same pink skirt she’d had on their first ever day, with a pastel purple spaghetti strap vest top. They’d both tied their hair back, which was unusual for Ali, but it was far too hot to wear it down.

“Not much, just reminiscing. It’s been quite a year.”

“That it has. Remember that time wee Fitzy got locked out of his dorm so he bunked with us wanes over our way?” Jemma smiled fondly at the memory. Daisy had found him outside the boy’s dorms, pacing and hitting his head with his hand.

“Hey, Fitzy, what up?” when he hadn’t answered her she’d called Jemma, asking her to come get him. She’d immediately recognised his distress, taking him up to the girls’ dorm, tucking him into her bed and waiting next to him for him to come to. 

“Simmons?” he’d said wearily, looking around for her. The lights were quieter now, everything was softer. 

“I’m here, Fitz. You’re in our dorm.” He groaned, covering his face with his hands as he remembered Daisy finding him. 

“What’s the time?”

“20:27. Daisy and the rest took off to exercise, they’ll be back soon.” They’d stayed like that for a while, quietly talking, Fitz catching her up on what had happened, all gentle and soft and comforting. They’d laughed a little, just keeping each other company, until the rest returned, bringing a lot of life and noise with them.

“Alright, hey Fitzy, how’s the form?” Ali had asked, slipping off her trainers as she collapsed onto her bed, Bella doing the same.

“Hey, Al. I’m alright, just tired.” she’d rolled her eyes at the nickname, but he thought that if she was going to call him ‘Fitzy’ he’d give her a name as well.

“Hey, Fitz.” Daisy said, walking over to her bed. Ed just nodded at him, smiling shyly. He’d stayed there with them for the night, his stomach too twisted to face the other boys. They were alright, but he really needed Simmons right now. Besides, the girls were more understanding. They’d watched a movie on a projector that Daisy and Fitz had made together, the picture covering the entire far wall. It had been nice. They’d all been surrounded by blankets, pillows and cushions resting on him. It was always hard, the meltdowns, but it was easier with Jemma around, and the girls were all very nice. Edie had lent him a tangle toy and Daisy had given him her bed, she shared with Jemma. He was grateful for Daisy and Edie speaking English the entire night as well, something which they usually didn’t do, generally slipping sly comments to each other in Russian or whatever it was.

“I can’t believe I’m going to be without you all for weeks.” Daisy said. They all looked over to her. This was her second family, she’d grown used to all of their little mannerisms, shifted into her own little routine, her own life. Although, she was excited for China.

“Sure look, but you’ll see us soon enough.” Bella pointed out. It was true, only 2 months apart, but it felt like forever. She looked up to Jemma, her freckles highlighted in the sun. Jemma looked down to her and smiled, her eyes lighting up momentarily. She’d miss Daisy, her little quirks, her wild routine that made sense to Daisy and Daisy alone, sometimes driving Jemma mad; her messy sense of organisation; how she’d tease Fitz; how she kept her bedside table clear apart from a lamp and a clock because anything would get knocked off; how she was so gentle with Jemma; how deeply they understood each other. It would feel like a part of her was missing.

“We’ll be back together soon. Anyway, we can always call, assuming anyone’s ever in the same time zone.” Jemma said. It was true that they’d all be spending their summers in different places. The twins were driving around Europe with their mum, Ed was going to Poland with her sister, Daisy would be all over, but Jemma and Fitz were both staying in the UK.

“Well, we can call from different time zones. It’s not exactly like Dee and Edie have sleep schedules anyways.” Fitz pointed out, earning a friendly hit on the shoulder from Ed.

“Hey!” he said. “What was that for”

“1. Don’t call me Edie, and 2. I have a sleep schedule. It just changes from night to night.” she pointed out. She was looking forward to Poland with Bobbi, she’d missed her a lot. She knew it had been good for her, learning to cope without Bobbi or her mom, but it had been hard. She didn’t hate the idea of having someone to lean on for a month or two. She thought about her friends. She’d always felt like she hadn’t fully belonged in this world, but sometimes she’d talk bio with Jemma, or teach the twins some language and she’d just slot right in. She thought about Daisy, how when they sparred they’d match almost perfectly, how she was more in sync with her than she’d ever really felt with anyone. She knew that it was ridiculous, that even if Daisy liked girls it would never be Edie, but she could imagine it. 

It confused her sometimes, how seamlessly she switched from isolated outsider to a part of their odd little family. 

  
  


“I have a sleep schedule too, it just happens to be about 4 hours later than all of yours, indeed, whilst you all may be in Scotland, I’m living in Turkmenistan.” Jemma laughed down at her, her eyes crinkling.

“That’s all well and good, Daisy, but it doesn’t quite work if you have to wake up in Scotland.” Jemma said. Daisy rolled her eyes at her.

“Well, I’m much calmer to be around when I’m both exhausted and caffeinated, the nausea distracts me from my usual hyperness.” Daisy said, sitting up from Jemma’s lap and throwing an arm around her shoulders instead. Jemma leaned into her, sighing a bit as she thought of all the caffeine Daisy got through. It wasn’t healthy for a 12 year old to have stimulants like that. Of course, Daisy had heard this from Jemma, Fitz and even Bella many a time.

“If you make it to 40 I’ll eat my proverbial hat at the rate you’re going.” Ali said, prodding Daisy.

“Hey! Like you’re one to talk. I can’t remember you eating a piece of fruit like... ever.” she replied, prodding the Irish girl back.

“At least I don’t go into withdrawal if I don’t get my cup of java.” 

“At least I have vitamins.” Fitz scoffed at the both of them.

“You’re each as bad as the other, and you’re both going to die by the time you’re 40, happy now?” He asked. Edie laughed beside him, sparing a grin for Jemma. She glanced down at her watch, the face telling her it was now 2:30. 

“I hate to break up the band so soon, but Bobbi’s gonna be here in a couple minutes.” Ed said, moving to get up. To her surprise, everyone else rose as well.

“Grand, we haven’t seen Bob for donkeys, I wonder how she did on her exams.” Ali said, reaching up to tighten her ponytail.

“I’ve never actually met Bobbi, just heard about her from you lot.” Fitz said as Daisy slung an arm over his shoulder, placing her in a little Fitzsimmons sandwich, comfortable in the arms of the two of them, her right hand interlocked with Jemma’s and resting on her shoulder, her left hanging lazily around Fitz. 

“You’ll love her, she knows all about the stars.” Fitz groaned. He’d heard enough about the bloody stars to last him a lifetime. Jemma smiled at Daisy. Everyone else knew full well that Bobbi had never mentioned the stars, but they all enjoyed the look of preempted boredom looming upon Fitz’s face.

“Ahh she’s taking the piss Fitzy,” Ali said, bumping Fitz on the shoulder. He pouted, grumbling something under his breath about the girls. He was quite a bit smaller than most of them, barely taller than Jemma now. Edie had grown an inch since they’d met, and Ali had overtaken Bella, much to her dismay. Daisy was a whole 5 inches taller than Jemma now, the smaller girl hadn’t grown much at all. Fitz didn’t like being the shortest, especially in a group of girls, but Simmons seemed to think that he’d grow. 

They made their way over to the main building where they’d left their bags earlier, chatting lazily as they went, the sun beaming down on their backs as they crossed the courtyard. Daisy wasn’t sure when it had gotten so sunny, just the night before it had been pouring with rain, or ‘pissing it down’ as Ali had so tastefully put it. The weather here seemed to follow a similar routine to Daisy, or even Ed, that being ‘whatever I can fit in, whenever I can fit it in’. 

They’d had snow in April that year, they built snowmen for the twins’ birthday on the 21st, naming them Mrs and Mrs O’Connor, after the twins of course, it being their birthday. There was supposed to be a male snowman, but the overall opinion of men within their group at the time had been that they were stinky and useless, something to do with Fitz’s dad, so they gave her a wife. 

They neared the building, figures of parents and siblings coming into focus. Ed was running towards Bobbi, throwing herself into her sister’s arms. Bobbi hugged her tightly, Ed smiled as she smelt her sister’s shampoo, felt her familiar arms wrapped around her.

“Cześć maleńka.” (Hi, little one.) Bobbi mumbled. Ed grinned

“ Nie nazywaj mnie maleńką.” (Don’t call me little one.) Edie replied, smiling widely.

Jemma watched their reunion, wondering what it would be like to have a sister of her own. She’d always have Daisy, but she wondered if the kind of love she felt for Daisy was different than the kind Ed felt for Bobbi. She thought about Fitz. She thought of him as her brother, they certainly bickered like Ed and Bobbi did. 

Daisy watched the sisters reunite and thought of how lonely she’d been, growing up alone in S.H.I.E.L.D., how lucky she’d been to find Jemma again, how lucky she was to have her. She thought about the place she’d built for herself here, her own little corner away from her parents that was just for her. She loved them, but she’d never had something like this, friends who she hadn’t met through her parents’ friends, her own people. She’d found that here, with Jemma, Fitz, Ed, Ali, Bella. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it :D


	12. So Much Deeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly it's so weird reading the earlier chapters they're all babies atm, savour it

It was weird being back. Jemma was the first to arrive this year, rather than the last, and seeing their dorm all empty and lifeless was unnerving, like their being gone had just taken home with them. It was easier this time around though, she knew what to expect, and she’d already checked her lesson schedules on the school website, so she knew what was coming. They weren’t the youngest anymore either. 

She set her suitcases down by her bed, taking off her hoodie, which she’d been wearing with a crisp white t-shirt and jeans, already starting to unpack when someone tapped her shoulder. Jemma snapped around sharply, excitement rushing through her when she saw Daisy. She launched herself into her arms, hands flapping excitedly.

“I missed you.” Daisy said, holding her friend tightly. Jemma was quick to hug her back this time, holding her close, breathing her in, entangling herself within her. They’d called a couple of times over the summer, but it had been hard, everywhere Daisy was and everything she did seemed to be very classified, and halfway across the world.

“I missed you too.” Jemma mumbled into her shoulder. She’d grown an inch over the summer, much to Daisy’s dismay. She’d enjoyed being a whole head taller than Jemma. She held her tightly. She’d missed how the smaller girl felt in her arms, how she buried her head in Daisy’s shoulder, as though there was her and only her. Jemma pulled away from her after half a minute or so, moving to sit on her bed. 

“How was your summer? Much to do in the Great British countryside?” Daisy asked, slipping off her sneakers and sitting opposite Jemma on her own bed. She wore a black t-shirt with blue jeans, her hair was longer than it had been, now flowing down her back.

“I don’t live in the countryside, Daisy, and I wasn’t up to much. Not much to do when all your friends are in different countries.” Jemma said. She’d spent much of the summer reading in her bedroom, watching some nature documentaries, and learning to bake with varying degrees of success. 

“Like 99% of England is countryside, lots of cows.” Daisy scrunched her nose up, thinking about the smell. Jemma just shook her head.

“How about you, how was your summer?” Jemma asked, wondering how busy Daisy had actually been.

“Uh, it was good. I was in China for three weeks, with my yéyé and nǎinai, but other than that I wasn’t in one country for more than a week.” Daisy had mentioned that, how she was staying with her grandparents for a few weeks.

“How were they, did you have a nice time?” Jemma queeried as she got up to keep unpacking her stuff. Daisy did the same, opening her suitcase to a nightmare of screwed up clothing and stray socks. She scooped up some of it and dumped it in her drawer. Jemma sighed at her, dragging her suitcase over to the drawers and putting the pre-folded clothes in her drawers.

“They were alright. My yéyé is a great cook, so I got lots of traditional Chinese food which is seriously lacking around these parts. Nǎinai used to be in the CIA so she had plenty of stories, but I still think she’d disappointed that I’m going into Sci-Tech rather than ops.” Jemma had heard about Daisy’s grandmother, how she worked with the CIA in the cold war. She wondered what it was like, growing old as a spy, constantly looking over your shoulder. She wondered if she’d still know all her friends long into their adult lives. They all seemed to be on a similar path, onwards to the academy, but you never know. Maybe someone would get recruited by another agency, or maybe they’d leave and work in an ordinary lab, or Ed could even work as a mercenary.

She thought about them all, in their 70s, retired, sitting together, still laughing, still living. Warmth spread through her- she’d never thought about who she’d grow old with before. She thought about working in the Big S.H.I.E.L.D. labs with Fitz, dropping by to see the twins next door, calling Daisy for tech support, and designing Ed’s weapons. She wondered if it was plausible, or if they’d all slowly fall apart, drifting away.

“You still could go into ops, you could do both.” Jemma pointed out, trying to ignore how carelessly Daisy was throwing her clothes about. Daisy furrowed her brow.

“I’d see you more if I was in Sci-Tech, we’d probably be at the Triskelion together, or the Sandbox. Anyway, no one is as friendly in operations, they’re all superspy secretive.” Jemma nodded, ignoring the little flutters that her heart did when Daisy said she would stay in Sci-Tech so she could see Jemma more. She’d missed her so. 

Once they finished unpacking their stuff, they sat on Jemma’s bed together, side by side, just catching up, joking, re-familiarising themselves with each other and their relationship. They were so much more than best friends, it went so much deeper than that, but Jemma couldn’t ever imagine that there would be enough words to describe how deeply she felt for Daisy. 

Daisy thought about how empty she’d felt without Jemma, like a part of her had been ripped away. She expected Jemma to butt in, with her little comments, her animal facts, her sarcastic quips, but there was nothing, no one there. It had been lonely. So much remained unsaid between them, so much space that was so full of unacknowledged facts. Daisy wondered if Jemma felt it too, everything that Daisy left alone, or if she was imagining it.

The door opened and the twins entered, bubbly greetings spilling from their mouths, mixed with incomprehensible Irish slang that Daisy was 99% sure they made up just to confuse her. Jemma got up to hug Ali, asking her questions a million miles a second about some rare big cat they’d sent her photos of from Portugal. Daisy pulled Bella into a hug, lacking the same desperation she’d felt when she’d hugged Jemma earlier. 

“How was Europe? What did you see?” Daisy asked, not quite sure what to say. She didn’t care much about the lynx they’d seen, and definitely couldn’t talk as much about it as Jemma could.

“We went to France, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Poland, Greece and Germany, we just drove down from Ireland though, visited our da, poor wee bastard.”

“Why’s he a poor wee bastard?” Daisy said, imitating her accent. They all flopped back onto their own beds, the twins neglecting to unpack anything just yet.

“Our ma dumped us with him didn't she, didn’t want us youngwans around about LA.” Oh. Daisy was the only one in their group without the infamous daddy issues, though Ed would never admit it. Fitz’s dad was the worst, Fitz had been lucky to escape him. Jemma’s dad was dead, she didn’t remember him, so she tried to insist that it didn’t upset her, but Daisy wasn’t convinced. The twins barely saw their dad, this was the first time they’d mentioned spending time with him since they met. Daisy wasn’t sure why, but she wasn’t one to push. Ed’s dad was absent, cooped up in his office all day everyday, but Ed didn’t think it counted, because at least she saw him a couple times a week. 

“Well, how was it, spending time with him?” Jemma thought about her dad. She only knew him from photos, and stories. Benjamin Simmons. He’d been tall, his hair was brown, his eyes were blue. Jemma had his freckles, and his nature, according to her mother. He was brave, and strong, true to himself. Her mum said that he would’ve been a great dad. Jemma talked to him sometimes, when she couldn’t sleep. She’d tell him all about her animals, her lessons. She’d talk to him about Daisy a lot, telling him about them, their friendship. Everything that Jemma felt, everything she thought, she’d tell to him. He wouldn’t say anything back usually.

“We don’t like him much, but he’s nice enough. Put our ma through it though, the bollox.” Ali told them, sighing heavily. She’d dyed her hair again. Last year she’d had red strips, but this time the ends were blue. She wore a cropped black sweater with lowrise cropped ripped jeans, fishnets underneath. Bella had bleached a strip of her hair, it was baby blue. She wore a pastel pink shirt tucked into blue jeans with a thick white belt and hello kitty doc martens. Neither of them had changed much since last year, although they were both about 3 inches taller than they were, putting them at the same height as Daisy now, 5’5”. Jemma was still the shortest, but there wasn’t much in it.

“Speak for yourself, aye. I think he’s a right git, he’s banjaxed most of the day anyway.” Bella grumbled. Ali rolled her eyes.

“You just don’t like him cos you still hold out hope that he and ma will fix things.” she sighed, earning a glare from her twin.

“I do not! Not anymore, anyway. I just think that if he has to look after two kids for a week he could at least try to sober up.” Bella shot back. Jemma watched this. No one in her little S.H.I.E.L.D. family had a particularly great dad, apart from Daisy. She wondered if her mum had been right, if her dad would’ve been good. She’d heard about him, obviously, and she talked to him, but it hurt her to know she could never really know him. She’d liked Coulson, she always had. He was warm, and funny, and he seemed dad-ish. Although, knowing he was a spy had kind of shifted Jemma’s vision of him. He seemed bigger now, more important than just Daisy’s dad. 

The door opened and Ed walked in. Daisy shot up to bundle her into a hug, just as she had for everyone else. Ed blushed, hugging her back tentatively, nervous to overstep. They weren’t even particularly close. Ali and Bella shared a look, desperately trying to conceal how amused they were at how flustered Ed was. She’d grown as well, now standing at around 5’8”. Daisy stood there for a second, holding onto her for a bit. She’d missed her. Not in the same way she’d missed Jemma, not quite with the same longing and desperation, but in a way that Daisy would see something, or think of something, or hear one of her nǎinai’s stories and think ‘wow, I wish I could tell Ed that.’

She let go of the taller girl, allowing her to compose herself and dump her stuff by her bed. 

“Eds, how you doing, hey?” Bella asked, still slightly tickled from how embarrassed Ed had looked.

“I’m fine, a little jetlagged, but other than that I’m ok.” she said as she perched on her own bed, hands drumming their usual patterns into her thighs. She should’ve held Daisy tighter, or told her she’d missed her, or just said anything, rather than just standing there, useless. She was buzzing, energy bubbling inside her, an uncomfortable mixture of apprehension, excitement, and caffeine.

“How was Poland? How’s Bobbi? Is she around?” Jemma quizzed her. 

“Poland was good, although we ended up going with Hunter as well; Bobbi is fine; she needs to sort out the newbies, but I think she’ll drop by before she leaves.” Ed mentally checked off all the points that Jemma brought up. Jemma smiled, knowing she’d see Bobbi later. She hadn’t been sure if she was going to drop by or not, and knowing what would happen brought her some comfort. 

They passed the rest of the afternoon chatting, catching up on each other’s summers. Ed had learnt to speak Czech, Slovak and Sorbian, from their close relation to Polish, as well as some Greek, just for fun. 

Daisy had trained more than she usually did with weapons, finding that she enjoyed swordsmanship, or fighting with a dagger. She’d used a bow and arrow a couple of times, finding she was quite the sharpshooter, although her mom still hadn’t let her anywhere near a gun.

Jemma had been baking non stop, she’d started designing her own recipes, apparently she made a chocolate and raspberry dessert that had gone down a treat. 

Ali had been painting a lot, she didn’t get the chance much at school, so they leafed through her sketchbook from the summer, colourful European landscapes stretching across the pages, pigment dancing. Jemma could almost imagine the gentle stroke of her brush, the delicate intimacy with which she thought out the colours, the minute attention to detail that went into every centimetre of it. Bella had given composing a lash; she’d played piano at one point, and she’d managed to figure out a decent amount of music theory.

Fitz came up at 4, bounding up to Jemma to hug her. He’d spent the summer waiting for school to start again, anything to escape his dad. He’d spent most of it holed away in his room, working on various projects, or reading about monkeys, though. Jemma put a comforting hand on his shoulder, smiling shyly at him. Daisy felt a strange pang of emotion, something she couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t nice, but it wasn’t unfamiliar. She shook it off, concentrating on the conversation.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur, Daisy and Jemma headed over to the boy’s dorm to help Fitz unpack, leaving the others under strict instructions to call them if Bobbi came. Almost as soon as the trio left, Ali and Bella turned to face Edie.

“So… Ed… How was that hug for you, hey?” Ali asked, smiling knowingly. Ed scoffed and rolled her eyes at them.

“Yeah, we haven’t asked recently, how is that crush coming on?” Bella continued.

“It’s just kinda there, you know? It’s fine, it’s vibing, it’s thriving.” Ed told them, thinking about their hug, how Daisy had held her.

“I kinda can’t wait to get back to training with her.” she admitted. Bella giggled a bit, it was all very exciting. Bobbi strutted into the room in her usual confident manner.

“Heya girls, what’re we talking about?” she asked, sitting next to Edie.

“Daisy.” Ali said, drawing it out. Bobbi grinned, remembering how her sister had somehow wrangled Daisy’s name into most days.

“Ooh, do tell.” Bobbi cooed.

“She hugged wee Eds here earlier, right old mess you were.” Bella told Bobbi, her eyes lighting up through all the excitement.

“Aw, Eddie, you’re so smitten.” Bobbi chuckled. Ed hit her shoulder playfully.

“Ty zho-pa.” (you’re an arse)

“Naw, ya love me really.” Bobbi replied. 

“Can yous please speak English? We’re only beginners.” Ali sighed. 

“I think she called her a butt, but I don’t know the direct translation?” Bella guessed, based on the limited Russian she knew from Edie and having heard her and Daisy speak to each other. 

“10 points to Bella.” Bobbi said. “And she meant ass, just calling me a butt would probably be too tame.” 

“Ass to you is donkey to us.” Bella pointed out.

Ed nodded, starting to fiddle with a hairband around her wrist, the bubbling feeling overwhelming her. She was on the ground, or close, and she wanted to stay, she wanted to be here in this moment, not a million miles away, but she could feel herself drifting, slowly fading away. She didn’t want to go, not yet. Bobbi placed a hand or hers, smiling over at her. 

“You’re okay, sestra.” Ed nodded shyly, looking away. She could hear Ali and Bella chattering away, but she couldn’t quite decipher what they were saying over the familiar rushing in her ears, all their words just turning into incomprehensible noise. She reached for Bobbi, needing to feel her hand, any connection to anything. Bobbi pulled her into her chest, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. 

“You wanna go spar, maleńeka?” Bobbi half murmured into her forehead. Ed nodded, moving to grab a pair of leggings from her bag. Her shirt was fine for exercise, but the jeans just wouldn’t do. 

“I’ll tell Zee and Jems that you stopped by this way, Bobbi, they’ll be disappointed to have missed you.” Ali said. Bobbi smiled at her, following Ed out to the gym. 

“You okay?” She asked. She was used to this, her sister slipping away slowly, with her one minute, gone the next. She wasn’t sure what caused it, but she knew enough to get her away from people if she could. They tended to make it worse, sending her further. 

“Vot odna minuta, ushla sleduyushchaya. Vy znaete, kak eto byvayet.” (Here one minute, gone the next. You know how it goes.) Bobbi nodded. They walked to the gym in silence, Ed desperately resisting the urge to clap her hand, snap her fingers, jump, stomp. She felt like she was going to explode, but she knew to save the energy. Save it for the hitting. They walked in, Bobbi making her way for the sprung floor whilst Ed put her water to the side and found Bobbi some hand wraps.


	13. Biting Back Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here, have some angst.

Ed didn’t know what it was about sparring, but it pulled her back, the feeling in her fists, the release of adrenaline, letting go of the empty tension in her, how she was so familiar with how Bobbi fought, how they both knew exactly what to expect from each other, but in a way that it was somehow unexpected. Bobbi made small corrections to her form occasionally, turning her hips or tucking her elbow in, but other than that they were silent, Ed focusing on bringing herself back, Bobbi focusing on the fight. It worked well for them. 

“Ty yesh' s nami ili uyezzhayesh?” (are you eating with us or leaving now?) Ed asked, not wanting to express any preference.

“Pora idti, izvini, sestra. Uiver khochet, chtoby ya vernulsya, k tomu zhe Okhotnik bespolezen odin.” (Gotta go, sorry sister. Weaver wants me back, besides, Hunter is useless alone.) Ed nodded, sighing. 

“YA dumayu, uvidimsya cherez paru nedel.” (I’ll see you in a couple weeks then, I guess) She went to hug Bobbi, practically falling into her.

“You know I’ll miss you.” Ed smiled into her, nodding. She was almost as tall as Bobbi now, only a couple of inches off. They walked out together, Bobbi giving her a final squeeze before leaving. She watched her walk away, before waking back to her dorm, biting back tears. She didn’t know why she was getting so worked up, they’d done this so many times, but she felt like she needed Bobbi more right now, she didn’t want to let go. She thought about Daisy waiting up in the dorm, how she felt like she was flying whenever she was around her, but how it hurt, how it hurt that she was so close, but untouchable. Even if Daisy didn’t already have Jemma, Ed was too far away, too distant. She thought about how it hurt, to watch her with them, with all of them, smiling and laughing, how she knew she could never really be there, never quite touching the ground. 

She thought about Daisy’s casual hugs, her lightness, how carefree but also gentle she was. How she was with Jemma, how they’d always be together, entwined somehow, how she wished she could be her, to be Daisy’s like that, like no one could ever come between them. She thought about how oblivious they both were to it, how there were so many painfully obvious unspoken facts between them that they both refused to acknowledge. 

She felt the tears fall, brushing them away roughly. She was above this, crying over some girl. She didn’t know how Jemma did it, be with her like that without actually being with her like that. She couldn’t understand how they did it, ignore whatever it was between them, whilst Ed was stuck watching them from the outside, never being allowed into their world, only to watch it and long to be a part of it. She wiped the last of her few years away and stepped back into the dorm. 

Jemma and Daisy were back now, but they’d both changed into dinner clothes, Jemma wore a polka dotted collared dress and Daisy plain black trousers with a red collared shirt. Jemma sat with her legs sprawled lazily across Daisy’s lap. They sat on the floor at the back of the room with Ali and Bella playing some sort of card game. 

“Alright Eds, hows you doing?” Ali called out when she entered.

“I’m alright, just gonna shower.” Ali didn’t say anything so Edie just picked up a blue plaid and some jeans and headed for the bathroom.

“Is she okay? She seemed a little off earlier?” Jemma asked the twins. Ed was usually quiet, only adding small bits to conversation, generally just listening quietly, but her usual fidgeting had been more anxious than usual, she’d looked upset. The twins exchanged a look. They knew full well why Ed was off, but they couldn’t tell.

“Ah she’s likely just tired sure. She’ll be fine in the ‘morrow.” Bella said. They were worried about her, if they were being honest. They didn’t know if it was just Daisy, or if something bigger was going on, but she seemed different. Jemma didn’t push anymore though, returning her focus to the game.

Ed later emerged, hair damp, plaid tucked into her jeans. She walked straight over to her bed, flopping onto with a sigh and plugging her headphones in. She put on her 20 minute instrumental playlist and closed her eyes. She needed to think, and she couldn’t do that with a million bombarding her. Her hands did their usual dance, sometimes drumming the rhythm of the melody, sometimes tapping out the steady beat. She didn’t know what to do. Seeing Daisy, Bobbi leaving, coming back to school, it was all too much. Those 15 minutes with Bobbi and the twins were almost there, almost where she had wanted to be, but she’d crashed back down, simultaneously floating away. It was infuriating, to always be so close to them, but not being able to reach them. 

She thought about how Jemma was practically lying on Daisy, how they were all so casual. It made her want to scream, to shout, to cry. She knew she was being jealous, unrealistic, unreasonable, but she figured it wasn’t so bad if she kept it to herself. She wasn’t hurting either of them. Her heart ached for Bobbi. Poland had been unrealistically fun, they’d teased Hunter, shopped, spent time together like they hadn’t been able to for a few years. The fog was still there, but it was almost like Bobbi could see through it and reach her, without Ed feeling as though she had to strain. It was so different, she longed for her sister, she ached for Daisy, her heart was heavy, her world was dull.


	14. Little Fondant Fish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High key adore this trio, they're so chaotic together

“What do you want, Dee?” Bella asked. Daisy had dragged her and Ali into a quiet corner in the library, sneaking away from Jemma and Fitz.

“We need to make Jemma a birthday cake.” She said. Jemma’s birthday was the next day, she would be 13, and they hadn’t done anything last year.

“Do you even know what kind of cake she likes? You know how finickity her and wee Fitzy can be with food.” Ali thought about how long they’d spent trying to get them both to try various international foods in the cafeteria. They both seemed opposed to anything with actual flavour. 

“I’ve heard her talk about a ‘good Victoria sponge with a decent cup of tea’ before, whatever that is.” Daisy mimicked Jemma’s accent.

“Ah sure like. Sounds about English.” 

“I just need your help.” Ali and Bella looked at each other. They both thought of Ed, how sickly exhausted she already looked, despite it being the second week. They thought of Jemma, how her face would light up and how she’d hug Daisy, throwing herself into her arms. 

“Alright then, what do you need?” Ali took Bella’s silence as indifference. 

“We’re gonna break into the kitchens and make a cake.” Daisy explained, as though that had been obvious. 

“Are there really no ovens that we’re actually allowed to use? Not in a rec room or anything? Bobbi probably knows someone who she can persuade to let us use an oven for a wee while.” Daisy shook her head. She’d already texted Bobbi asking her.

“Ok… so when do you intend to do this? There’s usually someone in the kitchen.” Bella wasn’t entirely convinced. Did Daisy even know how to make a cake? 

“We’ll sneak in after dinner. As long as we clean up and Jemma doesn’t know it’ll go fine. We’ll probably have to get Eds to cover for us, or Jemma might freak out.” She’d planned it all out.

“We’ll talk to Ed. Jemma might get suspicious if it’s you.” She said quickly. Ed didn’t need Daisy explaining to her why she was doing all this for Jemma, she was already well aware, even if Daisy wasn’t. 

“Sure, if that’s what you wanna do. I’ll meet you outside the kitchens at 9pm.” They nodded and headed off in different directions. 

“I’m worried about Ed.” Daisy said as she sat back down next to Jemma. 

“Why?” Fitz asked, concerned. He liked Ed. She was good to just be quiet with, she understood that you didn’t have to vocalise everything to be understood. 

“Ali and Bella said that she misses Bobbi which is why she’s been a bit off, but I’m not sure if I believe them. I think there might be something bigger.”

Fitz thought about this for a second. He didn’t recognise anything particularly strange about Ed, but he wasn’t the most observant when it came to people.

“She’ll be okay. Maybe it’s just back to school blues.” Jemma said, not looking away from her screen. 

They’d all completed their first year exams with flying colours last year, which had equated to finishing their a levels, or getting a high school diploma. They’d all had to choose a subject to major in, and Jemma was currently thoroughly engrossed in a lab report. She’d chosen biochem as her major, marine biology was her minor. She was disappointed that she wasn’t working with Fitz so much anymore, but they still collaborated on some research projects, and fun little experiments. Their professors had started affectionately calling them Fitz-Simmons, since they had each other’s names on so much of their work.

She was more excited to start her PhD work than anything, she was thinking of researching primary cilia and brain development using a combination of molecular, cellular, genetic, live cell imaging, and bioinformatic approaches. Her biochem professor had talked about it in one of her classes the other day and she’d instantly been interested. She was still fascinated by marine biology though, and wasn’t sure if she wanted to let it go. 

“Yeah. Maybe.” Daisy tried to push it out of her brain, hyping herself up for later on with the twins. At least she had something to look forward to. She could always talk to Ed some other time, Jemma would only turn 13 once. She knew Jemma only really liked strawberry jam, so she hoped there would be enough of the stuff they used for breakfast to put in between the layers of the cake. She was pretty sure that there would be ready-made cake mix anyway, so all they really needed to do was crack a few eggs and make butter cream. Still, it would be nice to have Ali and Bella around. 

“Pssst, over here.” Daisy whispered from around the corner. The twins slipped over to her, excitement bubbling up in their chests. She’d opted for a slightly more covert outfit than Bella, wearing a black hoodie and black joggers. Bella was wearing white sneakers with rainbow fishnets, a white skirt and a sparkly pink lace up tank top. Ali wore her skull earrings and a band tee tucked into blue skinny jeans under a red plaid shirt.

“Okay, I nicked the ‘doodad’ from the mech lab earlier.” Bella said, presenting Daisy with a lockpick that Fitzsimmons had designed. It technically wasn’t a lock pick, as such, according to Jemma it ‘replicated the molecular structure of the previous thumbprint and mimicked the application of pressure in order to override the mechanical system’. Daisy didn’t understand most of that, but it worked, so it would do. Bella fiddled around with it for a while, before the door swung open. They walked in and turned the lights on. Students weren’t not allowed in the kitchens, but they weren’t not not allowed. 

“Ok, we’re in, what now?” Daisy said in a hushed tone. There wasn’t really any reason to be quiet, but it made her feel just a little bit better. 

“Are you seriously telling us you don’t have some kind of plan?” Ali whisper-yelled, slightly exasperated at Daisy. 

“This was the plan, sneak in, make a cake. I never said I knew how to make said cake.” she whispered back.

“Well we hardly know how to, never baked a bloody thing in our lives.” Ali told her. Bella was wandering around the kitchen, trying to find where the ingredients were kept. She opened a door and stepped through to the cupboard. There were bags of sugar, flour, pots of Jam, loaves of bread. 

“Shut up and come here you gobshites, I found some stuff.” she called to her sister and Daisy. They stopped their argument and followed Bella’s voice to the cupboard. Daisy picked up a bag of four and some sugar, and Ali got some baking powder and vanilla extract. Bella picked up some strawberry jam; she knew Jemma liked it.

“See, how hard can it be?” Daisy said lightly, taking out her phone to look up methods. Ali slumped off to find the fridge whilst Bella looked for some scales. Bella and Daisy waited for Ali, until she came through holding butter, milk, eggs and what appeared to be blue food dye, icing, and fondant.

“What’s all this then?” Bella asked.

‘Well, you know how Jemma loves her fish, aye, well I thought we could decorate it all blue themed and such.’ she said, dumping all the stuff on the counter. Daisy considered this. She knew Jemma would love it, she was all into marine biology at the moment, what had previously been animal facts had been replaced by endless rants about things that Daisy could just about understand had to do with the ocean.

‘She’ll love it, let's do it.’ They set to work, in utter chaos. The ovens were huge, not meant for making this small a cake, the electric mixers weren’t even in the kitchens and Daisy was failing miserably to understand the metric system. They mixed the blue dye into the batter, and poured it into the tins. 

‘How long does it need?’ Bella asked.

‘Ummm, 15-25 minutes.’ Daisy wrinkled her nose.

‘Could they be any less specific? What does that even mean?’ 

“Well, we’ll set a timer for 20 and hope for the best.” Bella decided. They washed up the bowls and pots and pans they’d used, chattering away all the while. 40 minutes passed, workstations were scattered with icing sugar, butter was everywhere and everyone’s hands were a little blue, but a cake sat before them all the same. It didn’t quite look like a victoria sponge, not one that Bella had ever seen, anyway. It had the usual two sandwich layers, only these ones were a kind of grey-blue, with strawberry jam and white butter cream in the middle, but the top had been messily spread with blue icing and scattered loosely with shakily cut fondant fish, held in place by blue buttercream. 

“Well, what do we do now?” Bella asked, partially out of breath from all the cleaning they'd just done. They’d undoubtedly missed a bit, but this would do. 

“Well, I guess we’ll take it up with us? It’s 9 so Jemma will be in the shower for like the next 15 minutes, if we hurry we can hide it before she gets back.” the twins nodded, Ali smirked slightly at the fact that Daisy knew when Jemma showered, and they all made their way up to their dorm, fiddling with Fitzsimmons’ ‘doodad’ on the way to lock the door again.

“It’s better be bloody good, after all this faff.” Ali grumbled as they half ran up the stairs. They slipped into the room, the cake hovering precariously in Daisy’s hands behind Ali. They peered around the corner.

“She’s in the shower, you can come in.” Ed called out. She was in her usual position, headphones in, laying on her bed, seemingly oblivious to the world. Daisy thought she did it to block everything out, but could never be sure. They scurried into the room, Daisy opened her bottom drawer, the one where she kept her secret snacks, and stuffed the cake in it. It wasn’t exactly the best hiding place, but it’d have to do. 

“Daisy!” Jemma half cried half laughed as she stood before her the next afternoon, presenting a slightly grey cake with utterly inaccurate fish on it, a lopsided smile painted colourfully across her face. She took the cake and put it down, before throwing herself at her best friend. 

“Well, it wasn’t just me. The twins helped. We didn’t get to celebrate last year so I figured…” Jemma just shook her head slightly, holding Daisy tighter. She hadn’t meant to do anything for her birthday, she hadn’t planned anything. It had never been big in previous years, considering her lack of friends, but this felt nice. Ali and Bella stood behind Daisy, watching as the two held onto each other.

“You’d think one of them was dying.” Ali muttered. Bella stomped on her toe, not that it did much, given Ali’s insistence on wearing as chunky boots as the dress code allowed.

“Shut it, you. They’re being sweet.” She murmured back. Jemma pulled away from Daisy and headed to Ali and Bella next.

“Touch me and I’ll bite.” Ali recited. Bella rolled her eyes and hugged Jemma tightly.

“Thank you all. I love it, especially the fish.” She smiled. It made her feel warm, loved, knowing Daisy had done this just for her, knowing that the twins had done it just for her. It may have been butt ugly, an unappealing colour, and covered in strange little fish like shapes, but it was hers, it was for her, and she loved it.


	15. Weightless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is this 100% me projecting my daddy issues onto Jemma? Yes. Do I have any regrets? Nope.

I know that I haven’t spoken to you for a while, but I’ve been awfully busy. First couple of weeks back, you know how it goes. Although, if I don’t talk to you it does mean the insomnia isn’t playing up quite so much, which is good. 

Mum is fine. We did our annual photo album read over the summer. She misses you, I think. Sometimes I feel guilty for having left her, but I know it was best. If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have found Daisy again. I think you would’ve liked Daisy. Mum said you were like me, and I like her very much.

I’m doing my degree at the moment. I hope you’d be proud. It’s very interesting, and I’ve been able to work more independently. It’s unfortunate that I’ve been mostly separated from Fitz, but we still talk. He still likes his monkeys, he’s still amazingly intelligent and simultaneously lacking in any common sense. 

For my marine biology class they’re offering a scuba diving trip, but I’m not sure if I should go. I’d be with Ali, who, by the way, baked me a birthday cake earlier- I’ll get to that later, but I’m not sure if I’d enjoy it. I don’t much like the cold, or being wet- you know how it weighs me down, but the opportunity might be too good to pass up. I’m not sure. You’d tell me to go, or mum would anyway, you’d tell me to say yes so I can still duck out if I need to, but it’s difficult. I don’t know the rules, the protocols, the norms for this situation. Maybe I’ll ask Bobbi, she’ll probably know something.

We’d be headed to the Great Blue Hole, that’s in Belize. There are over 200 species at the Lighthouse Reef, I’d be able to study them, the fish in their natural habitat, no glass, just raw nature. It’d be amazing. 

On the other hand, I’m comfortable here. I know what to expect from everyday, I know how to prepare, I know how things feel, how they look, how heavy things are, how many stairs lead up to my dorm. It’d only be a week, but a lot can happen in a week.

I asked Daisy about it yesterday. She said I should go. She told me ‘Jemma, when else will you get to go? You’ll have Ali, and I bet you can ask for the schedule.’ but she said schedule in her funny American way. I wish you could’ve met her. I wish we could’ve spoken about her, about her funny little ways, how she makes me smile so, how being with her is like a breath of fresh air, how there can’t possibly be enough words in the English language to fully communicate the depth of how I feel about her. 

She’s more than a sister to me, more than just my best friend. She’s Daisy. She’s light, she’s happy, she’s gentle, she smells like comfort, like hugs and rain and grass. She taps her hands against the sink after she’s washed them, she always showers in the evening, she takes too much sugar in her coffee, she laughs and I feel weightless. She looks at me and it’s like I see her. Like I can fully understand her, how human she is, all of her complexities, her baggage, all her rawness, her deepest depths, her roots. She looks at me and I see myself in her eyes, I see myself reflected back at me.

She made me a cake for my birthday. I’m 13 today, or I guess yesterday, now. It had little fish on it and it was blue and it had strawberry jam. The fish were anatomically impossible, and the blue was murky grey really, but I loved it. Mum never made a huge deal out of either of our birthdays, although, on yours we have a cupcake each. Always chocolate, like she’d have it any other way. She said that most of the credit should go to the twins, but I think she was being humble. 

She’s kind as well. I don’t know if I mentioned that. Like back in first year, I had a fuzzy moment. It was bad, we were all sleep deprived from studying, sitting in the gym waiting for Ed. You know how it goes, mum said you did. With the sharp lights, the bright noises, how everything pierces your skull, every touch, every movement. She just stayed with me. She sent the twins away, she sat with me, she sat through the tears, the hyperventilating, the tapping, the hand flapping. She just stayed with me, she turned the lights down and she stayed with me. When I came back she was still there, sitting patiently next to me. She didn’t move, or tease, or laugh, or touch me, she just smiled her smile, the one she saves just for me. 

She’s so good, dad. I love her, obviously. It’s hard to say how I love her, what manner of love it takes, but I do. No one will ever understand me like her, and I don’t think anyone can. Mum met her, on the last day of last year. She liked her, I think. She’d heard all about her, of course. We talk every week, at 7:30pm every Friday. I tell her about Daisy, and Ed, and I tell her about my studies, about my degrees. I don’t tell you about that. You know me better than she does, probably better than I do.

Sometimes I hate you. I hate you for dying, for dying so soon, for not even saying goodbye. I know that that’s stemmed out of grief, grief for someone I never even met but lost anyway, but it still aches. I hear about Fitz’s dad and I wonder how a person can be like that, can do those things, and I wonder if I’m better off without you. I know I’m not. I see Coulson sometimes, when him and May can come. He’s kind like Daisy, his eyes laugh. I think you would’ve been like him. I think you would’ve laughed, and bought red bean buns, and listened to me talk about my animals, my oceans, my stars, and I think I would’ve loved you. 

I just wish you could’ve known me. I wish you could’ve watched me become who I’m going to be. I wish you could’ve been here to watch me get my PhD, I wish you could’ve watched me grow up, help people. I wish you could’ve been here, and I wish I could’ve made you proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually hate writing in first person, but this kinda felt right. As always, feedback is more than welcome :D


	16. Blurred Euphoria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisy? Wearing clothes that aren't S.H.I.E.L.D. related? Absolutely impossible.

“Pleaseee Ali. It won’t take long.” Daisy pestered her. She’d been on her case about this for weeks now. The idea had originally come to her on a Sunday. It was a rare sunny February morning, quiet and calm, uncomfortably so. Daisy needed to be entertained. She’d come up with the ingenious idea of having a mini photoshoot with all of them down by the lake, but had been quickly stomped down by choruses of ‘I’m busy, Daisy’ and ‘some other time, maybe’ or ‘stop procrastinating and just do your work.’. 

“Fine, Dee. You can have half an hour, but then I’m leaving.” Ali was the artiest, she had an eye for it. Daisy just wanted her to take photos of them all, she really didn’t see what all the fuss was about. She needed nice photos with the people she loved, needed evidence that these days were real, that all this was happening, that her much awaited happiness had finally arrived. 

“Thank you.” Daisy practically sighed as she texted their ‘nerds + ed’ group chat telling them all to haul their asses down to the lake. Ed’s heart dropped as she read the message. Not today. Today was a bad day. Everything was too loud and too bright and too much and she could hardly focus on one thing at any time. Everything was too foggy but too sharp, too quiet to make out what anyone was saying but loud enough to be overwhelming. She was exhausted but couldn’t seem to relax. But it was Daisy. Daisy who’d been babbling about this for weeks, about immortalising their time together, their friendships. Most of her was screaming ‘No! Don’t go! You’re not okay enough for this!’ but she wanted to. She desperately wanted to. She checked the time, the clock screaming at her that it was already midday. She wanted to be surprised that she’d already been awake for four hours, but as had been drilled into her her whole life, her concept of time was all but non-existent. Wincing against the harshness of everything, she texted Daisy ‘give me 15’ and dragged herself up and to the bathroom.

Jemma was with Fitz in the library. They’d been expecting this for a while, but it didn’t make them any more willing to give up their steady routine.

“Come on, Fitz, she did tell us ages ago.” Jemma said. In all honesty, she was no more eager than he was. They were engrossed in respective pieces of coursework, finally both focused and calm and sitting. It had taken them a while to get there, but they were good now. It was a pain, but it was for Daisy.

“Simmons, it really won’t be the end of the world if we miss a stupid photoshoot. We’re all gonna be around this way for at least another 4 years.” he grumbled, already saving his work knowing there was no use arguing with Jemma when it came to Daisy. He stood with a huff, as Jemma texted Daisy ‘be there in 5 :D’. He rolled his eyes and followed her down to the lake. She was bubbling with excitement. The last she’d heard about this her and Daisy had been on the lawn, making daisy chain flower crowns.

“You know what these would be sooooo fun for?” Daisy had asked her in a playful tone. 

“We can’t today, Dee. Fitz is having a bad day.” Daisy had rolled her eyes, despite the slight heart flutters at the nickname, but she knew it was true. Fitz hadn’t made an appearance to their morning study session, and when Jemma had gone to look for him she’d found him in a state. The shower in his dorm had broken and messed up his routine. Jemma hadn’t realised he was as dependant upon his order as she was upon hers, but it had made the day a complete write off for him. 

Bella was glad to receive the text, although she was the only one. She’d been desperately trying to make sense of excruciatingly dull equations and formulae for her chemical engineering class, and she was glad to have an excuse to stop. ‘Omw’ was all she said in reply to Daisy, picking up her jumper and heading down to the lake.

20 minutes later, they were all there. Fitz was looking annoyed, wearing a pair of blue jeans and a black and white checkered shirt, his curly hair tousled and messy. Jemma was chattering excitedly to Bella, a dark blue skirt swishing around Daisy’s old boots. She had a white blouse tucked into it, her hair wavy from sleeping with plaits in the night before. 

Bella had changed the colour of her bleached strip the week before, what was once blue was now a pastel kind of lilac. Her shirt was white with three daisies embroidered across the chest. She wore Ali’s blue ripped jeans she’d stolen a while ago. She’d tried to paint flowers of periwinkle and rosy pinks across them. She liked to watch Ali work, and had been trying to imitate her delicate style. Apparently it was harder than it looked, because some of the ‘flowers’ were really just pink splodges. Her thick hair was in two careful dutch braids running down the back of her neck.

Daisy wore blue joggers with a black S.H.I.E.L.D. tee. It was her mom’s, so it had her last name stitched on the back. M.A.Y. She didn’t always like to flaunt it at school, the older kids and teachers acting all impressed. She didn’t want to just be Melinda May’s daughter. Still, it was one of her favourites, the texture was soft. It was slightly oversized, so she’d tucked it into her pants, folding the sleeves over. She had her vans with rainbow laces on, her favourites. Her hair was tied back, as usual, but she’d twisted the front part of her hair into it, framing her face.

Ed was tired. She wanted to go back to their dorm, the brightness and noise of the outside hammering against her skull. She wore Bobbi’s old fleecy gray hoodie (it technically wasn’t her old one, just one that Ed had stolen when they’d seen each other for Christmas) and blue cropped jeans. Her blond hair was up in a lazy bun, more like a half assed ponytail than anything. She had sunglasses on, and her ‘loud days’ playlist blasting through her ears, dulling the sharp world every so slightly.

Ali wore blue denim shorts over tights, a tank top tucked into them and a hoodie lazily sitting over her shoulders. She fully intended to be in as few of these photos as possible, she was already doing Daisy a favour, she wasn’t about to actually be photographed just to please her.

“Okay, Fitz, Morse, I know that you may have your own personal indignations about this, but I personally couldn’t care less.” Daisy said as she handed them all the flower crowns that she’d made. The ones her and Jemma had done had turned brown and were sitting on Daisy’s chest of drawers, so she’d messily threaded new ones for all of them, lacking Jemma's delicate touch. Ed rolled her eyes and put it on her head, frowning as Ali grinned whilst taking a photo of her. 

“That’s gonna get annoying.” She mumbled.

“Awh, you better get used to it, Eddie dear.” she pouted again, the sun glinting against her blonde hair.

“I’m not going to try to position yous, it’d be like herding cats. Just go, run wild, and I’ll take photos of yous whilst you’re at it.” Ali said, positioning them all. Daisy, Jemma and Fitz instantly plonked themselves on the floor, picking at grass and flowers happily. 

“How’re you, Eds?” Bella asked as they walked side by side to the lake, arms linked slightly awkwardly, Ed being a good 4 inches taller than her. 

“I’m alright. Everything is a bit wrong today, but I’ll be fine.”

“Aye, I gathered as much, what with the sunglasses and all.” Ed nodded. Ali jogged after them, snapping photos of Bella’s brown skin against Ed’s pale. She’d left the nerds back there to it, having already gotten a few photos of them all giggling over daisy chains, Fitz’s arms lazy around Jemma’s shoulders, faces screwed up from laughter. 

She spent most of the day fluttering between groups, because obviously they couldn't just all be in one place at one time. She watched as they all smiled together, laughing, talking, bouncing around like over excited toddlers (or just over-caffeinated preteens). It was beautiful, watching them all together, how easily they all fit into their little family. 

“They’re here, guys.” Ali announced, slapping the envelope down on her bed as Ed and Jemma walked over inquisitively, Daisy and Bella just shifting from Bella’s bed to Ali’s. She spread the photos out over the duvet, glee littering the photos, delectation threaded consistently throughout them.

There were photos of Jemma, Daisy and Fitz all rolling around in the grass together, photos of Jemma on Daisy’s back and Fitz on hers, Daisy’s face all screwed up and tears of laughter rolling down her cheeks. There were photos of Bella and Jemma in mid air together, holding hands, expressions of blurred euphoria painted across their faces as they flew. 

There were photos of Daisy and Fitz, him frowning as she decided to start scampering up a tree, but as the photos went on her gave in and climbed up with her, photos of Jemma, Daisy and Ed, hands interlocked as they ran down the hill, Ed basically dragging them behind her, the air rushing through her hair, photos of them in a heap of limbs at the bottom. There were photos of Ed and Fitz sitting together, watching, the camera reflected in Ed’s glasses nearer the beginning of the day when everything was still sharp and she couldn’t imagine enjoying it, photos of Ed and Bella, faces pressed together, ridiculous smiles, pouts, tongues out, faces screwed up, sunglasses on the end of her nose, headphones in. There were photos of them all, laying down in the grass together, holding hands, the blue sky hitting the horizon at the lake in front of them, shimmering blue, eyes closed, hair messy.

The photos lived on their USBs, on their nightstands at S.H.I.E.L.D., on their walls at home, in the background of their phones. Daisy smiled, knowing that now, no matter what, she’d have proof, material proof, that this happened, that she had a family, that she had her people, and that no one could take that away from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise all this uneventful happiness has a purpose.


	17. Floating Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The writer's block is strong today :(

“You’ll be fine, Jems. It’s only a few days, besides, Eds and Bee are gonna be here.” Daisy told her, holding her closely. Daisy, Fitz and Bella were going to Big S.H.I.E.L.D. to see the new computer labs, leaving Jemma, Edie and Ali in the dorm. Jemma nodded into Daisy’s shoulder, holding her breath to prevent anxious hyperventilation that she could feel rising in her chest. She’d never spent time here without Daisy or Fitz nearby, she relied on them to preserve her steadiness. She knew that she could easily do everything she did with them without them without much disturbance to the order, but she didn’t really want to. 

She didn’t want anything bad to happen without Daisy there to hold her, she didn’t want to have to study alone, she knew the absence of Fitz would sit over her, form a deep, empty ache in her. It was only a few days, they’d be back by the end of the week, but it didn’t make what could happen in their absence any less daunting. She’d stick with Ali and Ed, they could keep her company. They couldn’t complete her like Fitz could, or fulfill her like Daisy did, but they could be there all the same.

Daisy let her go, joining Fitz and Bella on the minibus S.H.I.E.L.D. had sent, waving through the window one last time, Jemma waving back as Daisy faded away. She turned to join Ali, walking silently up to the dorm together. Jemma knew that her and Daisy were different to the twins, their relationships were different, the types of love they felt for each other could never be the same, but it didn’t make it any less precious to either of them. 

The first few days were okay. Jemma avoided the canteen like the plague, she couldn’t face the lights and the noise, not without Daisy there. She spent her usual library study slots with Fitz either in her dorm studying as usual, or with Ed and Ali on the lawn outside. Her and Ali had biochemistry together, so they’d compare notes and quiz each other whilst Ed punched the air at various angles, occasionally doing her flips, much to the amusement of Jemma and Ali. Jemma thought it looked like she was flying, she was elegant like a bird, twisting through the air seamlessly. 

It was nice. She didn’t see Ed and Ali much, despite sharing a room. Ed spent more time with Ali and Bella, though sometimes Jemma would watch her and Daisy spar. Daisy looked so different. She was strong, fierce, a fighter, her eyes were fiery, flames dancing behind them. They were usually kind, gentle, soft. Jemma could get lost in them, their depth, Daisy’s depth. 

It was Thursday. Daisy would be home tomorrow. She couldn’t have just held out for one more day. She was already having a bad day, everything was significantly sharper than it usually was, she hadn’t even eaten at breakfast, despite Ali bringing it upstairs for her. It was too much, too rich, her head was splitting apart. She wore Daisy’s mom’s fleecy S.H.I.E.L.D. hoodie and jeans, it smelt nice, like home. Then her biohem class had been cancelled, something about Prof. Cameron being sick. The final straw was Daisy missing their pre-scheduled phone call. She’d explained herself later, of course, but it didn’t soften the blow much. 

Jemma had ran back up to the dorm. She’d been on the lawn waiting for Daisy to pick up with Ed. She was already on edge, looking forward to speaking to Daisy, to hearing her voice, her and Ed’s little comments in whatever the hell language it was. She ran up the stairs, ignoring Ed’s footsteps, her voice flooding Jemma with too many questions. The noise cut through her, each sound sending pain through her, dragging her down further and further, as though she were sinking from the sheer weight of the world. She barged into the dorm, slamming the door behind her. Her hands shook, the lights were too bright, everything was cutting her, muffling her. She felt sick. She knew she was crying, or she thought she was. She was surrounded by everything, the lights, Ed’s incessant knocking, someone was mowing the lawn outside and it giddied her. Everything rose, until she couldn’t focus on anything, everything was just a blur, a spinning, roaring, flashing blur. 

She collapsed into a heap by a bed, curling up into a ball, eyes squeezed tight shut, hands clamped over her ears, anything to block it out, the searing intensity and harshness of everything. She stopped moving completely. If she was still enough maybe she’d fade into a blur along with everything else. Blurs couldn’t feel anything, blurs couldn't be cut into by noise. 

Ed could hear her screaming, stomping, crying from the other side of the door. It lasted the better half of 20 minutes. She didn’t want to cry, she knew that it wouldn’t help Jemma in any way, but it hurt her. She popped her water bottle cap open and closed, methodically, rhythmically, fiddling with the toggle on her joggers which she wore with a red tank top. She could hear her distress in her voice, she could hear her cries. She hated it. The whole thing. The hurt in Jemma’s eyes, the pain, the panic, the wildness, the desperation to get out, to get out of her brain, of the world, the harsh world and all its sharp edges. She heard the cries stop. She still didn’t go in. She wasn’t sure how to. 

What was she supposed to say? ‘Hey Jemma, sorry you just had a meltdown but at least I'm here.’? Bobbi was good at this sort of thing. Ed thought about her. She thought about what Bobbi would tell her, what Bobbi had told her. ‘Trust your instincts, malenka. Assume you know best.’ It had been in a sparring context, which was absolutely different, but Ed felt like it applied.

She exhaled and opened the door.

Jemma was sitting by Daisy’s bed, tucked away into a ball, protected from the world. Her eyes were tightly shut and her hands were clutching her knees, as though if she let go she might just slip away.

“Hey, Jemma.” Ed said from the door, barely loud enough to even hear herself. Her voice was soft, no sharp edges, it was smooth, silky. Jemma didn’t acknowledge her. Ed walked towards her slowly, treading carefully over the floorboards. She sat down opposite her, leaning against Jemma’s bed and crossing her legs.

“Am I okay to sit here? You can nod your head for yes or shake for no.” Ed asked her, her voice slow, calm. She barely moved, just nodding stiffly, tightly, like someone had their hand on the back of her neck. The world wasn’t roaring anymore, there was no screaming. There was a fog, and she could just about reach through.

“Ok. Would you like some water?” another stiff nod. Ed passed her the water, Jemma took it, moving slowly, fatigued. She sipped some, it slipped down her hoarse throat, she almost choked on it. She took another sip, less this time, slowly savouring the coolness of the water in her mouth, how it cleared her throat, washing away the saltiness of her tears. She set the bottle down next to her and looked to Ed, not meeting her in the eye. 

“Are you able to talk?” She asked in that same slow voice. Jemma liked it. It was soft and low, it melted. She thought about what she’d asked. Physically speaking she could, of course, but she wasn’t sure that her brain and the rest of her body were quite in sync again yet. Talking sounded painful, like it would suck the life out of her in one swift blow. Not yet. She shook her head. 

“Are you okay for me to keep talking?” Ed asked, her voice melting her, running through Jemma like caramel. She nodded.

“Ok, that’s fine. Uh, do you wanna know why I don’t usually talk a lot? It’s cos I can’t always understand what you’re all saying. I can hear the words, and you’re all making noise, but by the time I’ve realised what was said, it’s over. It’s part of why I speak literally anything but English to most of you. I find it easier, and you all end up talking slower so I can keep up. Besides, it annoys my parents.” She last part with a small smile. Jemma took a second to think about that. She hadn’t thought about that being the reason Ed was so quiet. In fact, she’d never given much thought to why Ed was quiet. 

When she thought about it, she realised she’d rarely even heard Ed speak English, other than when with the whole group. She’d usually speak Spanish or French with Jemma, German with the twins, and a cocktail of languages with Daisy. Jemma knew a little Russian, not as well as Daisy or Ed, obviously, but enough to get by. Daisy had taught her some Mandarin, but only the dirty words. 

“I know it’s strange that my mother tongue comes less naturally to me than others, but it’s not English itself that’s the issue, it’s the whole keeping up with conversation thing that's problematic Anyway, it makes me feel closer to Daisy. You know how she can feel so far away sometimes?” Jemma nodded. Daisy could float away occasionally, a bit like Ed did a lot. Daisy would adopt a vacant look in her eyes for days at a time, she’d turn onto autopilot, as though she was walking through her days blindfolded. Jemma had learnt to just wait it out, but she hadn’t realised that Ed noticed it as well. 

“I don’t know if it's her thing or a me thing, but she feels far away sometimes. I don’t know if it helps her to speak Mandarin, maybe it reminds her of her mom, but it helps me.” 

“It does.” Jemma said abruptly. She couldn’t understand what they were saying usually, but she would watch them. If Daisy was bad she’d look more healthy, brighter, Ed would smile more. They’d look warm together, as though Ed wasn’t a million miles away, and Daisy was actually awake. Sometimes it would make Jemma jealous. She knew Daisy was hers, she knew she was Daisy’s, but it felt strange. She’d scold herself for her jealousy. She’s allowed to have other friends. It felt different with Ed though.

“To speak Mandarin, I mean. It helps her.” She nodded, smiling over to Ed. 

“Thanks, Jemma.” Ed said softly. She knew it was no use, her and Daisy, no matter how soft Daisy made her feel, how grounded she could make Daisy feel, Jemma was Daisy’s and Daisy was Jemma’s. She could make peace with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :) Only a couple chapters left of second year, honestly it's so weird rereading these chapters at the point I'm at in the story in comparison to where y'all are


	18. To Quote the Great Olaf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Two chapters in one night?

“Come on, guys, hurry, hurry, hurry! If my mom sees the dorm in this state she might just throw a fit.” Daisy was hopping around the room, shoving things into whatever drawer was closest, her S.H.I.E.L.D. hoodie flapping around her waist over her black cropped jeans and black tee. Ali and Bella were tidying the bathroom, shoving shampoos and creams and face washes into cupboards wherever they could. Bella was wearing a white lace up corset top and high rise black skinny jeans (she wasn’t 100% sure who’s they actually were, but they fitted) and Ali had Ed’s ‘i like the pope the pope smokes dope’ shirt on, despite it being far too big, tucked into Bella’s black jeans. Ed was busy making beds, plumping up pillows, smoothing over duvets, wearing an orange tee of Bobbi’s saying ‘ask me about my feminist agenda’ and a pair of blue skinny jeans. 

Daisy had gotten the call earlier that morning from her mom that she’d be coming in from big S.H.I.E.L.D. with her dad later and almost had a heart-attack. They’d even hoovered the dorm, getting the stray bits of hair and strange looking dust and crumbs up off the floor. 

“They’re gonna be here in like 10 minutes, we need to hurry people!” 

“We need Jemma, that’s what we need.” Ali said, shouting from the bathroom.

“Yes well, Jemma is doing like three degrees at once, so we’ll have to make do without.” Daisy yelled. Jemma had picked up another subject (neurobiology) on top of biochem and marine biology, and they’d barely seen her since.

“Damn you academics, the nerve of her being intelligent.” Ed said. Daisy’s phone started ringing and a colourful array of curse words in a multitude of languages followed suit. 

“Heyyy mom. Are you at the gate?” Daisy asked as she picked up the phone. She nodded and started running downstairs, just hoping that her roommates would actually finish their respective jobs before they could get back upstairs. She half ran to the entrance of the school. She hadn’t seen them for a couple months, not since she’d gone to big S.H.I.E.L.D. to see the new labs in April, and even then there hadn’t been time for a proper conversation, just a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. She walked to the gates and saw them there, standing as they usually did, her mom looking all scary and badass next to her dad in his suit, face calm as ever. Her mom broke into a smile as she saw her, and Daisy ran over to hug her.

“Hey, xiǎohuā.” her mom smiled into her shoulder. 

“I’m not so little anymore, mom.” Daisy said. It was true, she was 5’6”now, and her mom was only 5’4”, and not even wearing her stompy boots. 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’re just never gonna stop growing. I don’t even get why you’re taller than your mom anyway.” Her dad said next to her. She hugged him tightly, burying her head in his chest.

“I missed you, Shǎ lǎotóu.” (silly old man) she said.

“You know, I looked up what that means, and I do not appreciate it.” Daisy giggled a bit.

“How did you know what to look up? It’s not like you know any Mandarin like… at all.” 

“Well, 15 years with your mother taught me something.” He said, his voice deep and aloof.

“No it has not, you just asked Hand.” May interrupted. 

“Well Zee here didn’t need to know that, did she now?” Phil harrumphed. 

“God, you two are such an old married couple. Follow me, we’re going to the dorm. Ed, Ali and Bee are up there now, Jem’s in the library with Fitzy though, working on degree number 3.” Daisy said as she turned around.

“You know, if you’d gone into ops you wouldn’t be doing a degree at the ridiculously young age of 12.” Her dad said.

“If she’d gone into ops she’d be getting shot at on the daily.” Her mom said.

“Exactly. Anyways, in tech I’ll be nearer to my friends. I don’t know where I’ll be stationed though.” Daisy had thought about this a lot. She knew that being a compsci major she’d probably end up in comms a lot, fixing people by the likes of her dad’s laptops, wasting her talents whilst she could be designing new systems, or engineering new software, but she couldn’t be in the field. Her mom had gotten shot when she was 8, it had been awful. She never wanted to go through that, or to put anyone else through that.

“Calm down, you still have 3 more years here, then 2 at the academy, then you’ll be at The Hub for a couple months for induction, and then you’ll be stationed somewhere.” They were almost at the top of the stairs now. They walked up the last few together, and turned the corner to enter the dorm.

They walked in to see utter chaos. Ed was laying in a heap of sheets and pillows from unmade beds, and Ali appeared to be beating Bella was a stuffed toy owl of hers. One of their dorm rules was to respect Gregory, the aforementioned owl, at all times. They all sat up with the same comic expression when Daisy, May and Coulson entered.

“Daisy! Vy skazali, chto napishite nam, chtoby predupredit' nas za 5 minut!” (Daisy! you said you'd text to give us a 5 minute warning) Ed said indignantly as she got up to shake May and Coulson’s hands.

“Ona ne samyy nadezhnyy chelovek.” (She’s not exactly the most reliable person) May said, Daisy shoved her playfully. Ed wasn’t expecting a reply in Russian, let alone from Daisy’s mom. She probably should’ve anticipated it, where else would Daisy have learnt languages if not from mommy superspy; it shocked her all the same.

“Oh great, another one.” Phil stepped forward to shake Ed’s hand.

“Hi, Phil Coulson. Daisy’s dad, obviously.” Ed took his hand to shake it, Ali and Bella untangled themselves and got up to greet Daisy’s mum and dad.

“I’m Edie Morse, but most people call me Ed.” Ali guffawed.

“Yeah, because if anyone calls you anything else you’ll have them pinned down on the floor in 3 seconds flat. And not even in a fun way.” she said.

“Morse. I know your sister, she was recruited by STRIKE, she’s starting over there with a couple other new recruits under my command in August.” Edie nodded. Bobbi was going to graduate from S.H.I.E.L.D. academy next month, she was top of her class, apparently. 

“Heya, I’m Alice O’Connnor, this is Isabella, or Izzy, or Bee, or Bell or…”

“Just Bella is fine for me, Li.” Bella said, elbowing her twin in the ribs sharply.

“I’m Phil, call me Coulson if you want.” He shook their hands.

“I’m May, it’s nice to meet you all. I’ve heard a lot about you.” she said. Ali wasn’t surprised about them, not from what she’d heard about them from Fitz and Jemma. 

‘May is like a grown up Daisy, or Ed, although she’s small, so not really grown, just old. Coulson is like Daisy but with less of the languages and kickassery and more of the goofy puns.’ Fitz had said. It seemed like an accurate enough analysis. 

“So, why was Daisy supposed to give you a five minute warning?” May asked, picking up a pillow from the floor and putting it on Daisy’s bed.

“Well, that would be because of the beautiful chaos that you see before you.” Ali said, mimicking May and dumping a pillow on Daisy’s bed.

“Yeah, what happened up here? I was only gone for like 15 minutes.” Daisy moved the pillow that her dad had put on her bed over to Jemma’s. She wasn’t sure whose it actually was, but Jemma took care of things the best. 

“Ed had some troubles with a sheet and Ali decided that an unsolicited pillow fight would be a great idea.” Bella said dryly.

“Well, bed sheets are tricky bastards, and you were being excessively annoying.” Ali told her, hitting her arm with a pillow she was holding.

“I knew I should’ve gotten Jemma to supervise.” 

“Vy vse menya razdrazhayete” (you exhaust me) Bella sighed, secretly proud of herself for remembering the Russian that Daisy had taught her.

“Vashe proiznoshenie vklyucheno.” (Your pronunciation is off.) May said to her. Her Russian sounded different to what Ed was familiar with Daisy, it was more traditional, less westernised, more like it fitted with the language rather than like someone was choking it out in a mix of accents.

“Kak ty nauchitsya tak govorit?” (how did you learn to speak like that?) She was suddenly intrigued by her, how she was so similar to Daisy but held herself differently. 

“Moya mat' by shpionka, ona nauchila menya.” (My mother was a spy, she taught me.)

“Kak Daisy.” (like Daisy) Ed said. May nodded. 

“Can you guys please stop bonding and help us tidy?” Daisy called.

“Not my mess, not my problem.” her mom said, but helped all the same. It took them a half an hour between the 5 of them to finish, and to get everything that had been shoved unceremoniously into drawers into the right place.

“Jemma never would’ve stood for this in the first place.” grumbled Ali as she organised piles of jeans into the right drawers.

“It never would’ve happened if she was here. ‘A place for everything and everything in its place’” Daisy mimicked in Jemma’s accent.

“Ah, shove off, it’s all a facade. She’s not that neat, we’re all just all ridiculously messy.” Bella said as she threw socks that had been pushed under her bed to Phil who was folding them.

“We don’t need neat, we just need organised.” Ed called out. She was helping May with the bathroom, restacking bottles that had been in. 

“You also kinda need neat.” Phil said, buried up to his chest in a pile of socks. 

“Well we’d be hard pressed to find neat anywhere around here. Sunday is supposed to be laundry and tidying day, but Jemma was the one who enforced that, and she’s been Miss ‘I’m Doing Three Degrees And I’m Thirteen So I'm Sorry If I Don't Have Time To Bend My Schedule To Your Every Whim, Daisy’ recently.” Daisy said, pouting slightly at how busy Jemma had been. 

“Well, it’s a lot of prep work and catchup to get done in 4 months.” Ali pointed out.

“Yes, well I need constant attention.” 

“We know, Daisy.” Her parents said in sync. They supposed it was partially on them, they worked a lot. It had taught her independence, and a slight disregard for the rules, but also meant that when someone started to give her attention, she clung to it.

“Hey, I’m not That clingy.” She threw a t-shirt at her dad. He unfolded it.

“Isn’t this mine?” He asked. It was, it had been his when he was in high school, it had ‘Manitowoc High’ written across the gray chest in blue, its sleeves matching the writing’s colour.

“Mine now.” Daisy said simply. He rolled his eyes at her and folded the tshirt back up again, putting it in her drawer. She seemed so much more grownup that she had over the summer. She’d be 13 in a few months, a full teenager. She was getting her degree for Christ’s sake! He wasn’t quite sure how that worked, considering she wasn’t actually in college. He figured maybe S.H.I.E.L.D. had set up their own qualifications or something, or maybe they had their own equivalent of a college degree, but who knew.

He felt bad sometimes, for missing it, for these huge gaps in her growing up that he wasn’t there for. He knew it was for the best. S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn’t the place for any kid to grow up, and she needed a proper education. Melinda had been more than insistent about her leaving.

‘She needs a life of her own, Phil. A life that isn’t just us and Hill and The Hub and moving from country to country.’ She’d said. 

He knew she was right, she usually was when it came to Daisy, but it didn’t make it any easier to say goodbye everytime. They never saw her for more than a few hours every six weeks or so, and she was usually fully wrapped up in Jemma this or Jemma that. 

Jemma was nice, he’d met her a couple times. She was quiet most of the time, not quite shy, just more like she was watching people rather than feeling the need to contribute much to their conversations. He liked her.

Daisy loved her. She’d gush about her when they spoke, talking about her like she was the only person who mattered. She’d look at her like she was the only one in the room, like she was memorizing her face in order to immortalize every moment with her. He didn’t think she knew, or if she did she wasn’t aware how deeply she felt for the older girl. He knew she’d figure it out, and he intended to be there when she did. 

They finished tidying the room and May produced a bag of castellas, sweet Italian pastries filled with sugary goodness.

“I call this one instant gratification.” She said, smiling as the girls and Phil tucked in. 

“Well it ain't half bad, aye.” Ali mumbled through a mouthful of pastry. It was sugary on the inside, and the outside was a soft sort of fried pastry thing.

“This is the real deal, from Italy, right?” Ed asked Phil. He nodded at her

“We flew into The Hub earlier today, after this we’re off to the Triskelion.” he told her. They’d been undercover together at a party in Italy, gathering intel for the Oswald mission, a filthy rich family who appeared to share 25% of their wealth with a group of French scientists who S.H.I.E.L.D. suspected to be carrying out human experimentation.

“When’re you leaving?” Daisy asked. She hated it, having to ask, knowing they had to go, knowing that them being all together never lasted, but such is life. To quote the great Olaf, (and probably someone else) ‘The only thing that is permanent, is impermanence’.

“We need to go in a half hour, I think. Sorry, Zee.” Daisy just nodded. Nothing to be done.

“As long as you bring equally good food next time you visit you’re forgiven. Maybe.” She said, licking her fingers of the remaining sugar.

“Depends where we’ve been, I s’pose. America doesn’t tend to have anything particularly special.” he replied.

“This is pumpkin pie erasure and I will not stand for it.” 

“Overrated, if you ask me.” 

“Well no one was asking you, were they?”

“No one wasn’t.” 

“You’re all fools. Cheesecake is the best American snack.”

“Not if you’re lactose intolerant it’s not.”

She wondered if they knew what it was like, or were even capable of knowing what it was like- what it was like to watch them all, to see them laughing, bonding, arguing over cheesecake, but be going at all the wrong speeds to join them. There were so many voices at once, one minute it was cheesecake and either a second or an hour later it was pumpkin pie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotta love that philindaisy content
> 
> as per usual, kudos and comments are more than welcome :D


	19. Sunset

“I can’t believe it’s been 2 whole years.” Daisy mused. They were all on the roof together, the sun was setting over the Scottish countryside, the air was humid, they were peaceful.

“Mh, not many 12 year olds can say they got their alevels and a degree in the space of two years.” Jemma said. She actually gotten more degrees than a lot of adults, but potato potahto.

“Jem babes, not many 12 year olds have degrees... period.”

“Yeah but they’re not proper are they? It’s not like we all waddled off to uni.” Fitz pointed out. It was true, they didn’t have college degrees, S.H.I.E.L.D. had its own system, but still, it was impressive.

“Ah shush Fitzy, we’re all incredible, let's leave it at that, aye?” Ali sighed. Fitz harrumphed but conceded. He looked out over the sunset, watching as the blue faded to pink faded to orange. He thought about S.H.I.E.L.D., about his school, about the girls, about Jemma. They were his family, his real family. Sure, he had his mum back home, but his dad was there, they weren’t comfortable, they couldn’t be. Jemma had asked him why his mum didn’t just leave. There was nothing keeping her there anymore, but Jemma didn’t understand. She couldn’t, and he was glad of it obviously, glad that she couldn’t understand how powerful his dad was, how terrifying, how awful things were, but how there's nothing without him, nowhere without him.

“At least you all got degrees of some description. All I got was proof that I can beat people up and plan the best way by which to do so.” Ed said. It was true, she didn’t have a degree, just a couple globally acknowledged qualifications. 

“Legitimate proof. We got wacky S.H.I.E.L.D. stuff.” Daisy pointed out, as though it was a good, final point. 

“Meanwhile, our friends in mainstream school haven’t chosen their GCSEs yet.” Ali said, thinking about all the kids they’d met at various schools, how inferior they seemed now. This is what we like to call the S.H.I.E.L.D. superiority complex.

“You guys have friends in mainstream school?” Daisy and Ed said simultaneously.

“Well, we know people, sure.” Bella replied, registering the fact that Daisy literally didn’t know anyone who wasn’t S.H.I.E.L.D..

“I mean, I didn’t really have friends, but I still spoke to people. Are you telling me you never even did that?” Jemma asked.

“Well sure, when I actually went to school for more than a week those two times, yeah. But at Carden I had you, Jem, and at St Mary’s I didn’t speak the language, and also happened to be 5.” Jemma really was the only friend she’d had, until she came here anyway. It hadn’t felt so bad, she’d entertained herself most of the time. Of course, now, she shuddered to think of her life without Jemma, or Edie, or Fitz, but she was different now. 

“I was horrendously bullied for the majority of my primary school experience, but we’ve all heard this story before.” Fitz said. It was true, he'd been picked on because he was smaller, he was easy to provoke (partially because he already had so much to deal with at home) and he didn’t fit in with his peers, being the genius he was.

“Poor Fitzy.” Daisy mumbled, reaching over to pat him on the head. He swatted at her hand and leant on Jemma’s shoulder. Daisy looked away, feeling the familiar twist of her stomach that came whenever Jemma and Fitz were close. Jemma wrapped an arm around Fitz, moving a bit closer to him. She loved him like a brother, they were inseparable really, they completed each other like pieces of a puzzle, connecting perfectly. She loved them all, all in their own different ways, but love all the same. She’d never met people like these before, none so caring and genuine and funny and loving, but simultaneously idiotic as them. She remembered how Ed had been with her when Daisy was gone. She was so soft, her voice had glided, it was calming.

She thought about the cake that Daisy and the twins had made her way back in September. It had been ugly as all hell, but Jemma loved it. Daisy had looked so proud, so happy, so loved, it had made her heart soar, to see her smile like that, to see her present the cakes proudly, to hear her take zero credit in spite of herself. She thought about Daisy’s smile, how her eyes creased, her nose crunched up when she laughed, how she’d double over with silent laughter, how she laughed so carelessly and freely, like she had not a worry in the world. Jemma didn’t know how she could be like that, be that pristine and perfect, such a beautiful combination of chaos and kindness, so effortless and free but gentle and soft and careful. 

“I don’t know anyone other than some of Bobbi’s old friends’ siblings and some of my mom’s friends’ kids, but I lost contact with a lot of them when we moved to France.” Ed said. She’d been homeschooled for most of her life, up until S.H.I.E.L.D., of course. It had been lonely after Bobbi had left, even a bit in the months leading up to her departure. It was like she had this whole other life that she was starting, a life away from Ed and their mom. Ed had been angry at her for a while, angry at her for leaving, for leaving Ed alone, but she understood now. Bobbi needed her own life, her own friends. She was too talented to stay in Italy with them, and their mom couldn’t live in another country to her, and so they had to go. 

If Bobbi hadn’t left for S.H.I.E.L.D., then she never would’ve recommended Ed for the S.H.I.E.L.D. prep program, and Ed never would’ve met Daisy. It was complicated with her. She’d seen her almost everyday for the last two years, and yet she felt further from her than she ever had. It was like everytime Ed got closer to her, Daisy took a step back, like she was shielding herself from something. 

“What was homeschool like?” Daisy sometimes wondered what she’d be like if she’d been in mainstream school, or even just taught in some way consistently. She’d never really studied English, or History, and the only idea of Geography she had was all the travelling she’d done. Her mom had taught her to fight, and taught her languages, and her dad had bribed the compsci technicians into teaching her, but that was about it. She was grateful she hadn’t. If she’d been properly schooled she would’ve stayed in America, or in China with her grandparents; she wouldn’t have gone to S.H.I.E.L.D, she wouldn’t have met Jemma, or Fitz, or Ed, or the twins. 

She was getting slightly scared of Ed and Jemma. How she felt when Jemma would hug her or hold her hand or call her babes, how she felt when Ed would talk to her in Russian, when she pinned Daisy to the floor in their (far less frequent, but still present) sparring sessions. How she noticed every little detail, every beautiful millimeter of Jemma, down to each freckle and scar. How she was painfully aware of the both of them, their breath, their lips. 

With Jemma it was deep, and complex and gorgeous and stunning and Daisy loved her to bits (she just wasn’t quite sure in what way anymore.). With Jemma it felt like they had all the time in the world, like they had their whole lives ahead of them, all their time for whatever they became. With Ed Daisy was stuck hopelessly admiring her, how her blonde hair swung behind her, how Jemma was already Daisy’s, but Ed was so far away. With Jemma things were simple, they were everything to each other, and they knew it. She was more precious to her than Ed was, than Ed ever could be, and so what was that, that fear?

“It was different from this. I studied what I wanted when I wanted, and I spent a decent amount of time doing absolutely shit all because no one was forcing me to do anything.” 

“Sounds well class.” Ali said. She’d found it all quite amusing recently. Her and Bella had watched as Daisy had slowly realised she may not be straight, they’d watched Simmons watch Daisy with all the infatuation of the world in her eyes, still perfectly oblivious to the blatantly obvious facts of their mutual love, and they’d watched Ed struggle with Daisy’s struggling. It was all a bit of a shitshow really, and they weren’t sure how Fitzy was going to tie into their little mess of feelings, but Ali had bet Bella a tenner that he would. Bella still wasn’t 100% convinced that Ali wasn’t going to do something stupid like falling for Ed, but when she’d bought it up with her she’d just said ‘sure, and then you’ll get with Fitzy and we’ll all live happily ever after. Get your head out of your arse, Bells’. She hoped they would. Live happily ever after. She watched the sunset, the darkness slowly setting over the campus and inhaled, taking in the briskness of the Scottish countryside. They’d be okay, they’d all sort themselves out. 14 might just be a tough year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert- 14 is definitely going to be a tough year


	20. An Affinity For Girls

Hi. I know it’s been a while since I spoke to you last, but I’m doing a PhD and a masters degree at the same time, so excuse me if I don’t have so much time to talk to my deceased father. I’ve been back at S.H.I.E.L.D. for a month now, I’m 14. 

It’s so weird, thinking about how long I’ve been here, how grown up I should feel, but really I feel exactly as I did when I was 11. It seems like the older you get, the more mature you’re supposed to get, but I don’t understand how it works, growing older and yet feeling the same. Mum says that you were an old-soul, that you were old from the age of 20. I don’t think I’m like that. I don’t feel old. I think I must look older, mum always says I do when she sees me, but I’ll have to take her word for it. 

Fitz looks a lot older now, over the summer he grew at least 3 inches, so he’s taller than me and his voice has dropped. I haven’t grown, I’m still only 5’4”. Daisy has though, so has Ed, I’m practically a midget by comparison. Ed doesn’t seem to think that she’s going to grow much more, which is likely as she's already taller than Bobbi. It's hard to believe I've known them all for two years, it all feels so long ago, but I can't have been turning 11 more than a week ago. 

I did have a point to this conversation, one sided as it may be. I’m sorry for dancing around it, I’m just not sure how you’re going to take it, which is really rather silly of me as you’re dead as a doornail and have been for 14 years. I wanted to tell you before I told mum. She said that you’d always accept me as I am and so would she, but it’s scary nonetheless. I suppose I feel guilty about it. I’m not what mum expected of me, never have been really. She probably signed up for a sweet little straight English mary-sue, and here I am, the genius 14 year old with two degrees and an affinity for girls. 

No one else knows, although Ed and Ali aren’t exactly quiet about their own preferences (Li doesn't seem to mind boys, however). 

I don’t know how to tell Daisy or Fitz. I don’t want them to see me differently. Of course they wouldn’t, I’ve always been this way and they’d know that, but it’s scary. I don’t feel the need to tell them, really. That’s a lie, of course I want to, they’re my best friends in the world. I’m just scared that I might want Daisy to be more than that. I’m more scared that she might want that as well. 

I don’t know what I’d do in that situation. What I feel for her is painful, it has an aching depth that I can’t quite understand. It’s always been there, festering under the surface, ever since Ophiuchus. I’ve grown used to it, the longing ache that fills me when she’s near, the desire to reach out, to hold her, to be held, for her hands to encase my cold ones, and I don’t know what I’d do without her. 

That’s the real fear, I think, being without her. I couldn’t bear to lose her, she’s everything and more to me, she completes me. I know who I am without her, I found myself when she was gone. I’m still me, just hollow, like a part of me has been ripped away. So you understand, dad, why I can’t tell anyone. I can’t lose Daisy.

I hope it’s okay with you. I hope I’m what you wanted, that I make you proud, that you haven’t lost the idea of what I was supposed to be. I wish you could’ve been here, to talk with me about this stuff, about how sticky and confusing it all is, how strange growing older is. I wish we could’ve talked about girls together, I wish you could’ve met her. You would’ve been amazing, and I do love you, dearly. No one knows me like you do, but I’m okay.


	21. Merry Christmas?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set on Christmas day, I fully appreciate that a lot of people (myself included) don't like Christmas, so this chapter isn't actually necessary to the plot, just a bit of fluff :)

Their dorm was lit up by Christmas lights strung lazily around the room, illuminating it with whites and blues and silvers. They’d decorated a little Christmas tree that sat in the corner of the room, they’d made baubles with photos from their time together so far that hung on the branches. A star glittered at the top of the admittedly tiny tree, little piles of presents were stacked under it. Everyone was at school over the holidays this year, Daisy had decided that they’d have their own Christmas, as a funny little mix and match family; the two British science nerds, two genius Irish-Indian twins, a 13 year old superspy in training, and a compsci nerd. 

Daisy was the first to wake up on Christmas morning. She turned to check her phone, seeing it was already 8. Smiling to herself out of excitement for the day ahead, she headed over to the shower, picking up her jeans and compulsory ugly Christmas jumper on the way. When she emerged, Jemma was standing impatiently outside the door, fed up. 

“Daisy, you know I shower at 8:15.” Daisy sighed. 

“Right, sorry Jems. Merry Christmas though!” She said with a smile. Jemma just groaned as she headed to the bathroom herself. For someone who stuck to such a rigid schedule, she didn’t really compensate for the fact that Jemma was not a morning person. Not that she was a night owl either, not like Daisy was. Daisy walked over to her own bed, flopping down and waiting for everyone else to wake up.

Ed woke next, after Jemma came out of the shower, slightly more awake than she’d been earlier.

“Morning, Eds. Happy Christmas.” Jemma said, looking up from whatever textbook she was reading. She was doing both her PhD and an MA this year, her professors figuring that her and Fitz could handle it. They could, she was handling herself just fine, but it was a lot of stress, and more than double the amount of work Daisy and the twins were doing. Ed groaned and buried herself back in her duvet, invisible, bar a few blonde strands and an arm of her teddy (his name was Pete and if anyone hurt him she’d be out for blood). 

“Right back at ya.” came a muffled voice from the other side of the room. Ali sat up bleary eyed and stumbled to the bathroom, still not quite awake.

“Merry Christmas, Li!” Daisy called after her. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Ali yawned back at her before closing the door.

“What time do they close the canteen, Jems?” Daisy asked. Christmas breakfast was always a full English and she didn’t much want to miss it.

“11 for breakfast, we’ve got plenty of time.” Jemma said, not looking up from her book. She wasn’t sure how to deal with Daisy at the moment, and being her true English self, she’d opted for the ‘turn a blind eye and wait for it to go away’ choice. It wasn’t working very well. She was still painfully aware of everything Daisy did or said, every little nickname she called her, every lazy throw of an arm around her shoulders. Ed wriggled a bit, lifting her head as though considering emerging from her little chrysalis, but decided against it, burrowing her head back under the blankets, pulling Pete closer to her stomach. 

It was 9 now, Ed and Bella still hadn’t shown any signs of life, but Fitz had come knocking, bringing a messily wrapped present that now sat under the tiny tree. He sat with Jemma on her bed, they were writing up notes from their maths class that they had to take on top of their subjects; they needed to know the theory. It was only for a term, but still a lot of unnecessary work. Daisy sat with Ali, they were watching a sitcom on Daisy’s laptop, really just waiting for Ed and Bella to get up so they could eat.

“If they’re not awake by 10 I will be pouring water on them.” Daisy announced, her stomach growling. 

“On your grave be it.” Ali said. She’d made the mistake of waking Ed up in their first year. Never again.

“Hey, I may not be going into ops but I can still handle myself.” Daisy said indignantly. Ali scoffed, but said nothing. They finished their episode of whatever and Daisy sighed.

“Edie, Isabella. I will give you both the count of 5 and if your asses are not up and out of bed you will be absolutely soaked within a minute. And no, Ali, not in a fun way.” Daisy finished, seeing Ali going to make the obvious joke. Neither of them made any effort to move, Bella just mumbled some indistinct curse words.

Daisy huffed and walked over to the bathroom, filling her water bottles with icy water and walked over to Ed’s bed, handing the other bottle to Ali. She poured the water over Ed and stood back quickly as she jumped up, cursing fluently in a mixture of Russian and English.

“Woah! Ed, language! I speak enough Russian to know that absolutely none of those phrases were PG!” Jemma scolded, looking around to see a soggy and grumpy Edie scowling at Daisy. 

“Merry Christmas?” Daisy said hesitantly. Ed flipped her off, murmuring some rather impressive profanities and shuffled off to the bathroom, Bella following groggily.

“If you’re not out in 2 minutes we’re leaving without you.” She called out bluntly to Ed and Bella, going over to sit on Jemma’s bed with her and Fitz. She hadn't seen much of her science nerds recently, they were preoccupied with studying, it seemed. Jemma hadn’t even celebrated her birthday this year. She watched them work, using approximately 0 words that Daisy could actually understand, highlighting whatever and sighing deeply about every 3 seconds.

“Look, I love maths as much as the next girl, but is this course really necessary?” Jemma sighed. Apparently this was a menial waste of time to her.

“If we don’t do it they won’t let us do our PhDs this early. Anyway, it’s not so bad.” Fitz said. Jemma rolled her eyes and continued scribbling in her book. 

“There will be no maths after we get back from breakfast.” Daisy decided. It was Christmas, they deserved a break, and she missed her friends.

“Yeah, that’s fair enough actually.” Fitz said, tossing his books over to Daisy’s bed.

“Yup, fair do’s.” Jemma replied, tossing her own books under her bed with the rest of her coursework. There was a lot of coursework. 

15 minutes later and they were all in the canteen, Daisy and Ali drinking coffee, Ed and Jemma with tea, and Bella and Fitz sporting a cup of OJ each, all of their plates piled high with sausages, bacon, eggs, baked beans, hash browns, mushrooms, tomatoes, each of them wearing a Christmas jumper and paper hat.

“Say what you will about the British, but you all do Christmas way better than we do.” Ed said through a mouthful of bacon.

“Are we doing presents after this?” Daisy asked. She was excited to see Jemma’s reaction after she saw what Daisy had gotten her. They’d decided to do a secret santa, as if everyone had to buy everyone a gift they’d end up having to buy 5 presents each, and none of them had that kind of money. Daisy had drawn Jemma’s name, Jemma had gotten Bella, Bella had Ed, Ed had Ali, Ali had Fitz and Fitz had Daisy.

“Presents after this, then Christmas dinner down here at 6, then films in the dorm.” Jemma said. She’d planned it all out for herself and Fitz, knowing that no one else would have any objection to doing whatever; they just liked to know what would happen. Daisy nodded at that, tucking back into her food. It was true, what Ed had said, although Americans did have Thanksgiving, and despite it being a kinda horrific way of celebrating a slaughter, they did do turkey really well. 

“What does everyone wanna watch later?” Ali asked. She wasn't usually fussed when it came to movie night, she’d probably fall asleep anyway, but Daisy and Fitz could get scrappy with each other, and no one would want to deal with that later.

“Something fuzzy, nice and warm and festive.” Bella said. The twins hadn’t really done Christmas, or they didn’t have any traditions of their own. Their mum was generally away, their dad usually wouldn’t have them, so they spent most years at some boarding school or other, getting a tenner each and an apology note from both parents.

“Sounds alright.” Daisy said, everyone nodded in agreement. Daisy wanted desperately to curl up with Jemma in the makeshift pillow fort that they all used to make, to hold hands under the covers with her, to hold her close, to lean on her shoulder, to have her half laying in her lap, like when they were younger. She wanted to kiss her cheek, to smell her hair, to feel her lips, but no. That was wrong, that was her best friend. Anyway, there was something brewing with Ed, something she couldn't quite place, something that gave her goosebumps whenever their hands brushed past each other.

They finished eating mostly in silence, basking in the glorious greasiness that was British Christmas dinner, speaking occasionally to get Daisy to stop hogging the sausages, or take the hashbrowns from Fitz. They trooped happily up to the girls’ dorm, chattering happily as they headed up. Daisy was practically shaking with excitement as they walked, anticipating the look on Jemma’s face, how her hands would flap and her eyes would light up. When they reached the dorm they all retrieved their 6 presents from under the tree, sitting in a circle on the floor, a present wrapped with varying degrees of skill, sitting before each person.

Jemma had a dainty little silver necklace with the constellation of Ophiuchus dangling off it, each star represented by a jewel. 

“Daisy…” she started, but her words escaped her. She just pulled her in for a hug, kissing her cheek and mumbling thanks to her gently. 

Jemma had gotten Bella a new set of earrings, one pair had little pink fairies on them, another had pastel green frogs and another had violets on them, delicately detailed. Bella had given Ed a pink t-shirt saying ‘on Wednesdays we smash the patriarchy’ (cheeky mean girls reference), and another with the album cover for Rumours on it. Ali had a new set of expensive paints from Ed, ones that she’d been practically swooning over a couple of weeks ago only to be prompted by Ed to ‘get a room’. Ali had bought Fitz a year of free access to a webcam watching monkeys in a wildlife reserve in Peru, only to be scolded by him because ‘when on Earth do I have time to sit around watching monkeys, Al?”. He’d gotten Daisy a new set of tools for fiddling around with computers, as her current set was falling apart. 

They built their pillow fort on the floor in front of the big empty wall in their dorm, pushing all their beds across the room as they’d done when they were younger. Fitz and Daisy set up the projector so it would play home alone on the wall, and they all settled down, tucked under 7 duvets between the 6 of them, Jemma, Fitz and Bella screwed up in an incomprehensible pile of limbs, Ali tucked neatly into Ed’s lap, and Daisy watching from the edge, eyes fixed determinedly upon the screen, and not in any way on just how close Jemma’s hand was to hers, or how close her lips were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :)


	22. Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda short but soooo important (also kinda sets up the next few chapters)

She looked up to the sky, the sun setting above her, stars slowly appearing across the endless emptiness. It felt wrong, watching it without her, like part of it was missing. She should be here, with her head on her shoulder, hands intertwined, noses cold. Not in there with them. 

She thought about herself for a while. How complicated everything felt, how she’d barely even come to terms with her sexuality, just to be bombarded with deep, incomprehensible, age old feelings for Jemma, and whatever the hell she felt for Ed.

Ed was incredible, there was no doubt in her mind about that. She didn’t know what was different, between Jemma and Ed, only that Jemma was right there, so solid, and Ed could never be reached, which only made her more appealing. There was something there, something she couldn’t quite place her finger on, but knew that it was there, uncomfortable and threatening, begging to be satisfied.

She watched as Ophiuchus appeared, emerging seemingly out of nowhere, breathtaking as ever. Daisy thought about them, their friendship, how it had lasted years, never wavering, consistent. The photo of them in Jemma’s garden that her mom had taken appeared in her mind’s eye, her and Jemma’s matching smiles exaggerated, their faces framed by thick, fluffy winter coats. 

She thought about how excited she’d been when Bobbi had said Jemma’s name, how she’d never thought it possible to have someone like Jemma again, and how she’d come back into her life, slotting in so seamlessly. Maybe she never would have someone like Jemma again. Maybe she’d never truly fit with anyone else like she did with her, maybe this was it. 

She thought about the first time they’d seen Ophiuchus together, 2 whole years ago up on the rooftop with Fitz. She thought about how she’d held Jemma’s hand, so gently, how soft it had been. She thought about how Jemma had laid her head on her shoulder, how steady her weight had been, how few and far between those moments were now.

She remembered how Jemma had taken care of her when she’d been sick, how from that moment on she’d made a silent vow to always be there for her, through every bump in the road, every struggle, every battle, how Daisy fully intended to be right there by her side, the whole time.

She remembered the day by the lake, their last day of first year. How she’d looked up at her, constellations mapped out over her cheeks, the sun highlighting the delicate golden ring surrounding her iris, the strong shape of her eyebrow, carefully etched onto her face, perfection. A whole 8 weeks had seemed so long to be apart back then, it still felt like an eternity now, because what was a life without her?

She thought about their reunion at the beginning of second year, the relief she’d felt at just being able to feel her again, her breath against Daisy’s neck, smell her shampoo. How Jemma had grinned when Daisy had made her a cake, how she’d hugged her when she’d given her the necklace. 

She sniffed, feeling a tear roll down her cheek as she looked up at the vast nothingness before her, Ophiuchus still there, gazing down at her, as though to say ‘she might not be here, but I always will be’. 

Daisy felt someone take her hand and smiled to herself. 

“It never stops being magnificent.” Jemma said, resting her head on Daisy’s shoulder. 

“And it never will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik it was shorter than usual, but I hope you enjoyed :)


	23. Best Case Scenario

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.

“So, Dee. What’s up with you and Jemma?” Ali asked as soon as they were alone. The pair had been delicate around each other for 2 months (since December), as though they were walking on eggshells. Daisy blushed. In truth, her feelings for Jemma were so confusing, they ran so deeply they were a part of her, Jemma was a part of her; they were terrifying and intoxicating and mortifying and incredible and she loved them but she hated them so much. With Ed things were simple, she could take them at face value. Ed hot, Daisy gay. She couldn’t mean half of what Jemma meant to her, they could never have that bond, but it was alright, just to admire from a distance. 

What to tell the twins though. She could hardly explain her feelings for Jemma to them, she could hardly understand them herself. She could come clean about Ed, but it was just a crush, innocent in comparison to Jemma.

“I have a tiny crush on Ed, I think.” she settled on, pausing to look at the twins’ agape faces. They hadn’t been expecting that. Honestly, they hadn’t expected to get much out of her at all, let alone a confession of… well, she didn’t say love. And Ed? Bella had thought honest to God that their awkwardness had been embarrassment due to mutual unacknowledged feelings, but Ed? What did this mean for Ed and Daisy, Jemma and Daisy?

“Well… that’s not what I was expecting.” Ali said carefully. It really wasn’t

“What were you expecting?” Daisy asked, crossing her arms and cocking an eyebrow.

“Oh, nothing, don’t you worry your pretty little head about it. Just need a brief moment with Izzie here.” Ali said, grabbing her twin's arm and pulling her to the side. Daisy watched them, thick dark hair gliding down both of their backs, a brown hand waving around; it was probably Ali’s, she spoke with her hands.

“What the hell?” Ali half yelled in Bella’s face. 

“Do we tell her?” Bella asked, thinking about how Ed looked at Daisy.

“Tell her what?” 

“About the whole Ed liking her for two years thing?” Bella exclaimed, hitting Ali on the arm whilst trying desperately hard to whisper.

“Oh, that. What about Jemma?” Ali thought about how Daisy and Jemma had been before the whole teen awkwardness had hit them, how perfect they were, how happy, how carefree.

“Pretty sure Dee over there is in denial about that. So do we tell her about Ed or not?” 

“Well, best case scenario, we tell her, she tells Ed and Ed turns her down because of her painfully obvious love for wee Simmons.” Ali said, thinking it over slowly.

“Worst case scenario?” Bella asked, slightly scared of hearing the answer.

“Dee and Eds get together, Dee breaks up with her because she realises she’s in love with Jemma.”

“So not great either way. What if we don’t tell Daisy?” Bella was pretty sure she knew the answer to this one, but one could never be sure.

“Then Morse would be left wondering, Dee would be left confused, and Jemma would be left in the closet and possibly with pseudo-feelings for Fitzy. I don’t think Daisy will admit or accept her feelings for Jemma unless Ed gives her a kick up the arse.” Ali said. There was an obvious possibility that Daisy knew full well that she loved Jemma, and was lying, but even so, a kick up the arse wouldn't do her any harm.

“So we tell her?” Bella asked, not quite keeping up with the speed at which Ali spoke.

“Aye.” Ali replied, taking Bella’s hand and leading them back to Daisy.

“Soooo, May.”

“Don’t call me that.” 

“Dee, sorry.” Ali corrected herself.

“There’s a small thing you should probably know about.” Bella started. Daisy raised her eyebrow again and Ali continued.

“See, the thing is, our wee Morse has had a wee crush on you for a hot second.” Ali said, hands splayed in front of her like she was explaining something very simple to a very stupid person.

“Come again?” Daisy’s heart dropped. What was she supposed to do with this information? Ed, athletic, blonde, stunning, funny, quiet Ed, liked her? That in itself was difficult enough to comprehend without the Jemma of it all.

“Ed- you know, tall, blonde, has a big fat crush on you, Daisy May.” 

“Ah shove off.” Daisy felt a blush spreading across her cheeks. Ed liked her. But Jemma. But Jemma was unattainable, and essential- Daisy couldn’t lose her. But Jemma, Daisy’s Jemma. Was she still Daisy’s Jemma? She remembered that day by the lake, how long ago it felt, how she’d gazed up at her, how her eyes crinkled when she laughed, how her freckles came to life in the sun. She thought about what they were now, practically strangers pretending to be best friends. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt her hand in hers, felt her arm around her shoulder, laid her head in her lap. Her heart ached for them, for their friendship lost. 

“We’re not joking, Daisy.” Bella said.

“You’re not?” They both shook their heads.

“Gotta go.” Daisy breathed, rushing away as she felt tears well in her eyes. They let her go, watching as she wiped her eyes, brown ponytail swaying slightly behind her, jumper pulled tightly around her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I am sorry.


	24. Just Low

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> brace yourselves.

Daisy had been sitting with the slightly uncomfortable knowledge about Ed’s (not unrequited) feelings for her for a month. They hadn’t gotten any easier, or any less icky. Jemma wasn’t helping, her perfect laugh, how she pulled her jumper sleeves down over her hands, her steady tapping. Daisy wondered if Ed would be any easier if Jemma wasn’t there. If Jemma would be any easier if Ed wasn’t there. She felt bad, really. About the whole thing- about the painful truth that Ed could never be a part of her like Jemma was, about how she couldn’t bear to lose Jemma, about how she couldn’t imagine herself without either of them, but she really needed Jemma. Really it was just a crush with Ed, mere admiration and appreciation for her, whatever Daisy felt for Jemma ran so much deeper than that.

“Xiǎng jīng shí, Zee?” (You wanna spar, Zee? Daisy winked one eye open. She was in bed, the dorm empty, duvet tucked up to her ears and eyes closed tight. The whole situation had given her a stomach ache, the twisting kind that needed her mom’s forehead kisses and her dad’s stupid old films to be resolved. She nodded and threw her duvet off, sighing as she got up, pulling her shirt down and sorting out her leggings. 

“Yeah, sure.” She sighed as she wiped her eyes, heading over to the door and taking her water bottle off her nightstand as she went. She was wearing ¾ length leggings and a tank top, her hair tied back in a low ponytail. Ed followed her shortly afterwards, hoodie swing around her waist, tied over leggings and a sports bra, long blonde hair in dutch braids running down her head. 

Ed was worried about Daisy. She’d been off for a month, utterly unreachable, away in her daydreams. She’d practically been avoiding everyone, she didn’t eat enough, she barely slept, she was hardly ever in the dorm, but it was the Jemma thing that was the strangest. Until just after Christmas they’d been as they usually were, insufferably close, painfully so. Then after the break something had shifted. They blushed in each other’s presence, they were awkward, Jemma was with Fitz more and more and Daisy with the twins. They were awkward teens who wouldn’t just admit they liked each other and so were torturing themselves over it, essentially. Still, it upset Ed, to see Daisy like that. She was usually bright, still tired, but in a chaotic way. Now she was just low. 

They turned into the gym, glaring at a couple of first years who were sitting on the equipment until they left, and headed for the sprung floor. Really they should use the boxing ring, but Ed liked to jump so she was practically flying, basically leaping over Daisy, and the sprung floor was better for that. There was more space there anyway. 

They threw punches, kicks, jabs, leapt through the air, pinned each other down, Ed flipped, Daisy dodged. They worked in silence, concentrating on just each other. It felt right, being with her. But did it feel anywhere near as whole as Jemma?

“Give me 5.” Daisy said as she pushed herself up from where she had Ed on the floor, heading over to her water bottle, the world spinning. She flopped down by the wall with a huff, draining half her juice in less than 30 seconds. Ed sat down beside her, fiddling with the toggle on her hoodie.

“What’s wrong, Daisy?” Ed asked after a minute or so. 

“What do you mean?” Daisy asked, genuinely curious as to what she meant. There wasn’t anything wrong, so to speak. Just something eating her up from the inside, sucking out her life until she was hollow.

“I mean that you haven’t been yourself since January, and I’m worried. You’re never around anymore, you don’t sleep, you never come to lunch or dinner with us. So what’s wrong?” Daisy rolled her eyes and took another swig of juice.

“The absolutely shocking news of my not being straight hit me like a train.” That was barely even half the truth. Her coming out to herself had been accompanied by confusing as all hell feelings for Ed, as well as feelings for Jemma that she was just beginning to fully comprehend.

“Why didn’t you come to me? Or Ali? Or even Jemma?” Daisy chuckled dryly at that.

“That would’ve been beyond counter productive, Morse.” Ed kept picking at her toggle

“And why would that be, May?”

“Because the goal was to get over you, not to get closer to you.” Daisy said softly. Ed looked up at her. 2 years. 2 years she’d been watching Daisy, pining after her, yearning for her, to reach her, to be a part of her world. For 2 years she’d watched Daisy and Jemma become closer, she’d watched them smile together, laugh together, hold hands. 2 years she’d watched, in unimaginable pain, unable to do anything about anything. 2 years, and it all boiled down to this. To Daisy coming out, to Daisy coming out and liking Ed. To Daisy coming out, liking Ed, but loving Jemma.

“Dee…”

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s okay, I know it sudden and stupid. But that’s why.” Maybe she could love Ed. Maybe that was how it was supposed to be. Jemma might complete her, complete her like no one else could. But she couldn’t lose Jemma, not ever. Ed, maybe she could. Maybe it could be worth the risk.

“You know how I feel,” Daisy nodded. Ed’s phone buzzed in her pocket. She sighed heavily and took it out, declining the call.

“Just Hunter.” 

“What does he want?” Daisy scrunched her nose. Ed smiled slightly.

“I’ll text-” Ed started before looking down at her phone. Her heart dropped.

‘get to gate, bob in hospital, we need to go’ She called him.

“What the hell, Hunter?” She basically yelled down the phone, Daisy was very confused, just having watched Ed leap to her feet, going from 0-100 in less than a second. Damn spies. Or ADHD. Or maybe both.

“Her mission went wrong, I’m at the front gate, you’re all clear to leave. We need to go.” Ed nodded and hung up, running for the door.

“Hey! Ed! What the hell?” Daisy called, following after her. 

“Bobbi’s in hospital, Hunter’s here. I need to go.” Ed said impatiently, walking in great strides, trying to slow down for Daisy’s sake. Stupid short people.

“I’m coming with you.” Ed just nodded and they ran to the gate, sure enough Hunter sat there in a car, the passenger door open. Daisy clambered in the back, Ed got in next to him.

“What happened?” She asked as he took off at easily 70mph down the road.

“Bullet to the lung, one to the knee. May, your mum will be around later, she’s coming in from The Hub.” Daise let out a sigh of relief. She needed her mom. This was too much. Ed, Jemma, Bobbi. 

“Is she gonna be okay?” Ed asked him, tightness spreading through her chest, her breathing hitched in her throat.

“She’s in surgery. They’re trying to fix up the damage to her lung and knee, she needs blood as well.” Ed nodded. They dealt with this stuff all the time at S.H.I.E.L.D., this couldn’t be the first time. She wanted to ask him what happened on the mission, but she doubted he knew. Above his clearance. They drove in silence for hours, crossing the English border after an hour. It was only 4 o’clock, it felt much later. Ed thought of Bobbi. She thought of how she’d taken care of her, of how she’d been everything she could’ve hoped for in a sister. She thought of the last thing she’d said to her. ‘ne nazyvay menya malyshko.’ An inside joke. Her last words to her sister might be a joke. Tears fell down her face, nausea spreading through her. What would she do without her? 

No one mattered like Bobbi did, no one. She was smart, and badass, and funny, and completely lacking in common sense. She might never call her malysh again, they might never tease their mom in Russian together again. They might never see their parents together again. Bobbi might never tell her to take her headphones out again. She might never leave the bathroom door open for her again. Ed covered her mouth, gasping as awful nevers fell over her. Hunter put a gentle hand on her shoulder, eyes still fixed on the road. 

“She’ll be okay. She’s a fighter, our Bob.” He said, his voice breaking halfway through. Ed nodded through her tears, the world swimming before a sea of sorrow. She leant against the window, watching as raindrops fell steadily down the window, chasing each other through fields of mist. She’d see her again. Of course she would. She couldn’t lose her now, not yet. She wasn’t ready yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to take this opportunity to formally apologise.


	25. Mingling Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ouch.

“Thanks.” Ed said numbly as Daisy passed her a coffee. Bobbi was out of surgery, lying unconscious on the gurney before them, tubes coming out of her, machines breathing for her. Daisy settled herself next to Ed on the couch, painfully aware of the elephant in the room. They sat in awful silence, the beep of Bobbi’s heart monitor filling the room like some kind of awful timer, a constant reminder that this could be her last second.

“We should probably talk.” Ed broke the deafening silence. She knew what she needed to do. She knew what she needed to do and she hated it, hated that it was down to her, that she was the one who had to do this. Daisy inhaled sharply and took a final swig of her coffee. 

“I get if this isn't the best time to do this. There’s no rush-” Daisy started.

“2 years, Daisy. It’s been 2 years for me. Two painful, sickening years of watching you, so perfect, and so unreachable.” Daisy shook her head. 

“I was never unreachable.” Ed chuckled dryly, thinking of how she’d watched them, Jemma and her. Watched them grow up together, inseparable, perfect together in every way. How Daisy had been so far away, how she was right there now, but still all wrong.

“For me, you always will be, Dee.” Daisy was getting annoyed. She was right here! She liked her! A lot! What the hell was her problem?

“And why, pray tell is that?”

“Because it will never be me for you, Daisy. I will always be second to her.” Daisy shook her head, tears threatening to spill over. Her. Jemma. A burst of anger spread through Daisy. Who was she, to occupy her every waking moment, to haunt her dreams, to be so frustratingly perfect? Who gave her permission to mess this up, to mess up what she could have with Ed because of her stupid unresolved feelings? She knew Ed was right, deep down. She knew that she was settling for what she could have instead of what she couldn’t bear to lose. 

“No, you’re wrong.” Ed was crying too now. Why her, why now? Why, after years of pining, was she doing the right goddamn thing? She was right there, she could be hers, they could be together they could be good together. It wouldn’t be right, not when she would always be second to her.

“Daisy…” She tried.

“No, no you’re wrong. I’m right here, I’m reachable.” Tears interrupted her words, gasps hitching in her throat.

“I know. You’re right there, you’re so frustratingly close.” She said. She didn’t know if she’d ever understand, if Daisy could ever really appreciate, or even forgive her reason. She didn’t want to be someone’s second choice. Daisy was taking her hands, crying, tears dripping onto their hands. Ed leaned her forehead against Daisy’s, taking in every inch of her; the curve of her eyebrows, the shape of her cupid’s bow, every mole, every strand of hair, every speck of brown in her iris.

Daisy could hear her heartbeat. She was so close, she was right there, their tears mingled, sharing each other’s pain. She cradled Ed’s face with her hand, her skin soft and wet. Daisy wiped away one of her tears and smiled sadly, kissing Ed softly before wiping a tear of her own.

Daisy tasted like tears and coffee. All those days, daydreaming, wondering what her lips would taste of, what they’d feel like. They were soft, they tasted like tears and coffee, and it was all wrong. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Their first kiss was supposed to be magical, on top of the world, flying, an opening of a door; it wasn’t supposed to be a goodbye. Ed sniffed, closing her eyes and exhaling.

“Daisy, I love you, truly I do. I love you, so you need to go.” She looked down to her lap, wiping her own tears. 

They were 11, meeting for the first time, baby faced and innocent, they were watching films together, Daisy and Jemma joined at the hip. They were sparring, happy banter dancing between punches. They were speaking Russian to each other, sly comments and conversations that were just for them, precious. They were 12, Daisy’s arms were around her neck, their breathing in sync. She was watching as they danced, as they laughed, under water, unable to join them, unable to be a part of their world. They were watching the sunrise together, cold under the brisk Scottish dawn.   
They were 13, Daisy was quiet, sad, Jemma was distant. Ed was closer than ever, but still, it wasn’t right, she wasn’t there. Daisy longed for Jemma, Ed longed for Daisy. Maybe some part of her always would be, waiting for her, reaching out, never to find satisfaction. 

Bobbi’s heart monitor was beeping. It was still there, steady as ever. Even in spite of the end of the world, her sister carried on. Ed clambered onto the bed beside her, tucking herself next to her, burying her head in her shoulder, her shampoo the same as it always was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, ouch.


	26. Let Her Go

“Mom,” Daisy half sobbed as she collapsed into her mother, tears still streaming down her face. 

“Hey, xiǎohuā.” May murmured, holding her daughter close to her. She’d just flown in from The Hub, she’d left immediately after things had gone south with her S.T.R.I.K.E. team. Daisy sniffled against her, tears of relief and heartache rolling steadily down her cheeks. 

“You okay, Daisy?” She asked her quietly. They were alone in the hospital corridor, outside Bobbi and Trip’s rooms.

“Just had my first kiss, first rejection and first crush’s sister getting shot.” Daisy mumbled. May held her tighter, rubbing her back gently. Now wasn’t the time. Daisy let herself be held for a minute, just crying in her mother’s arms, letting murmured words of weak comfort wash over her. It was too much, it was all too much; Bobbi’s body, Ed’s kiss, Ed’s words, Jemma. It was too confusing, she couldn’t handle it. Ed’s lips echoed against hers, she’d tasted salty, like tears. She wondered how Jemma’s lips would taste. No. She shouldn't be thinking about that. Not here, not now. Now it was Ed, there was time for Jemma later, there was time for this whole mess later. Now she was with her mom, and she was safe. She felt her hand being held, herself being led somewhere else.

“You want a coffee?” her mom asked as she sat her down on a couch in the waiting room. Daisy just nodded numbly, staring at the floor. Her mom left, she tried to make some sense of what was happening. She didn’t even know what time it was, what day it was, how long she’d been here. She looked up as her mom re-entered, holding two coffee cups. Daisy looked at her questioningly.

“Mine’s tea.” That made more sense. 

“You wanna tell me about everything?” Daisy felt the lump in her throat rise as she thought about the events leading up to this moment. More tears leaked from her eyes, she brushed them away frustratedly.

“Ed and I were sparring.” She started slowly.

“She got the call from Hunter, he just told her to go to reception and that Bobbi was…” her voice broke as she thought of how Ed had joked with him, how nonchalant she’d sounded, how she’d thought it was a prank, how her face had fallen when they got there, and sure enough, there was Hunter standing at the entrance, a quinjet a couple hundred feet behind him.

“He told her Bobbi’d been shot. I came with her here, obviously.”

“Why?” May asked. She was fairly certain she knew the answer, but she couldn’t be sure.

“We had a conversation to finish.” She’d tell her later. If she stopped for that now she’d never get to the point. May just nodded. She’d get there when she got there.

“We ended up talking, arguing really, by Bobbi’s bed. Then…” Daisy thought about how she’d reached for her, how she’d kissed her, how soft her lips had been, how her shampoo had smelt, how her face had felt against her hand, how her heart had dropped. 

“I kissed her. I kissed her and she told me to go to Jemma.” Daisy started crying properly, ugly tears and desperate gasps escaping her. Her mom pulled her close again, rocking her daughter as she sobbed, Daisy’s hand knotted in a fist around May’s shirt. 

“She told me she loved me and so I had to go to Jemma, and she cried, mom, she cried so much.” Daisy thought about the broken look on Ed’s face, how Daisy had wiped her tears away, cradled her face, stroked her cheek. How Ed had taken her hand off her face, held it, and let her go. How when she’d looked back over her shoulder, Ed was still there, sobs racking her chest, a weak smile spread across her face. She thought about how much sense Ed’s words had made, how they made her stomach twist with anger, fear, contempt, a haunting realisation.

“Duìbùqǐ, wǒ de àirén.” (I’m sorry, my love) May didn’t know what else to say. Phil usually dealt with this, with all the big stuff, first crush, first kiss, first heartbreak, first love. All she could do was hold Daisy close, rock her gently, mumble words of affirming comfort to her. Where had her little girl gone, her Daisy? The baby who’d giggled up at her from her crib, the toddler who’d run around mission control, who’d won over everyone’s hearts, the 5 year old who’d insisted upon learning to use a computer, the 8 year old obsessed with the stars, the 11 year old, off to S.H.I.E.L.D. prep, hopeful and excited, giggly, light. 

Who was this 13 year old sobbing in her lap? How could she be her daughter? A streak of pride burst through her, her baby was her own woman, she was taller than her, she was bright, she was strong, she was brave, she was incredible. She was broken now, but that was okay. She was her Daisy, she would always be okay.

“Can I stay with you and dad, just for the weekend?” Daisy half whispered. May’s heart broke a little.

“Of course you can, sweetheart. Dad’s up at the Triskelion with Hill this weekend, S.T.R.I.K.E. team Delta stuff, but I’m gonna be here.” Daisy nodded, sniffling. She couldn't go back to school, not yet. Not with everything with Ed and deafening nothing with Jemma. She’d let herself be held, be comforted, swaddled, just for a little while. Just enough so she could fix herself. She needed her mom, her soup, her forehead kisses, her blankets, her funny little jokes, her comforting smile, her tea tree shampoo. 

She’d be okay. It seemed so incredibly far off, so faint and distant, but deep down, she knew she’d find her again.


	27. If

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is the last ridiculously angsty chapter for a while, sorry it’s so short!

“That was Daisy. She’s staying with May for the weekend.” Jemma said as she sat back down on the floor next to Fitz.

“Aye, I just spoke to Eds, she’s staying up at S.E.R.P.E.N.T. with Bobbi and Hunter.” Bella replied from the other side of the wall. Jemma and Fitz were sat with their backs against Ed’s bed, Ali and Bella sat against the wall facing them.

“It’s just so awful…” Jemma started, her words getting caught in her throat. Bobbi had been her introduction to S.H.I.E.L.D. She’d always been there for all of them, Ed’s cool older sister who seemed to know everyone and everything. 

“I can’t believe it… Bobbi.” Bella said numbly. Ali’s gaze was fixed intently on the floor, tears threatening to spill. Jemma reached over to Fitz, taking his hand and squeezing it. He smiled up at her, squeezing her hand back. 

“She seemed so alive, so bright.” Jemma just couldn’t believe it. It seemed so surreal, they’d seen Bobbi 3 months ago when she’d come to see Ed at Christmas. And now she was clinging to life, just two bullets could take it all away. 

“She’ll be alright. She’s a fighter.” Bella tried, her words falling flat in the heavy room. 

“At least Ed’s with her, if...” Ali said, tears falling from her eyes as she considered the ‘if’ of it. 

“Ed will be fine. Daisy’s up there with her.” Jemma shook her head.

“Daisy left with May.” she said. 

“Aye, Ed said they had a fight or something.” Bella replied. Ali thought about this, grabbing her twin’s arm.

“Do you think..?” Bella just nodded.

“Poor Eds.” was all Ali could manage in return. Losing her sister and Daisy at once. 

“W-what are you talking about?” Jemma asked. Fitz looked up to them, taking an interest in the conversation now, dragging himself out of his own world to join their crueler one.

“Don’t worry yourself about it, Jemma.” Bella told her, looking away. Jemma looked to Ali, hoping she’d get more out of her, but she just shook her head slightly, her gaze lowering again.

“Is Daisy okay?” Jemma settled for. No response.

“Is she okay?” She asked again, more desperate this time. 

“What the hell is going on?” she half yelled, angry tears looming behind her eyes.

“Jemma, leave it.” Ali said, her voice dangerously low.

“Is Daisy okay?” She couldn’t stand it if she wasn’t. Not if she couldn’t be there for her, with her. Fitz squeezed her hand again, smiling to her, comforting and small. She looked up at him, tears running down her cheeks.

“Bella, please.” Jemma turned to look her in the eye, bottom lip quivering, hand shaking. Bella sighed and took her hand to her brow.

“We can’t know for sure, Jems.”

“Don’t call me that.” That’s what Daisy called her.

“Sorry, Jemma.” Ali squeezed Bella’s arm in warning, but her twin brushed her off. It was kinder this way.

“Daisy might have just gotten her heart broken.” Bella said eventually. Jemma’s heart stopped. That couldn’t be right. Daisy, and Ed? It was supposed to be her and Daisy, that was always how it ended in her head.

“By Ed?” Bella nodded. Jemma let go of Fitz’s hand, half running from the room, rushing to the bathroom, unsteady breaths escaping her mouth. Of course it was Ed. How stupid she’d been, to think it could ever be her, be them. She leaned her hands on the sink, breaths shakey, brain fuzzy with grief and anger. Fitz walked in behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder. She took it, leaning her head against their interlocked hands. He turned her around, pulling her into a hug as she cried into his shoulder. Crying for Daisy, for herself, for Ed.

Fitz’s heart ached for her, her tears soaking into his t-shirt, sobs racking her chest. He held her, they stayed there for a while, he stroked her back, words getting trapped in his throat, but she knew what he wanted to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I’m scarily close to wrapping up this whole story (which is really really weird) so if there’s anything that you want to see as a reader can you pleaseee tell me so I can try to incorporate it (not that I’m out of ideas or anything 😂)
> 
> Also, updates may be slow this week cos my laptops in the shop so I’m currently trying to work from my phone which is, as you can imagine, not going great.


	28. Even If You Can’t Always See It

“What happened to us, Jems?” Daisy asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over the dorm after the twins had left. Jemma looked up to Daisy. 

“What do you mean?” She knew exactly what she meant. She meant what happened to them, what they’d been, what they’d had. They used to share everything, the stars, every thought, feeling. Daisy handed her a photo. It was of them in a tree together by the lake in first year, lopsided grins plastered over both of their faces, scrappy sneakers dangling from the branches. It was the last night they could see Ophiuchus that year, Fitz had taken it upon finding them there. Jemma smiled down, thinking about how simple everything had been back then, how much easier everything was. How innocent, carefree, young they’d been. How she wished she could go back, tell herself to hold onto her, hold on tight and never let her go, never be so stupid as to let Daisy May go.

“I mean, what happened to them? To us? When did we get so awkward, so hesitant? We were inseparable, so what happened?” Daisy asked exasperatedly. Jemma smiled sadly. She couldn’t trace it back to an exact moment, to a definitive shift in their dynamic. It had been more of a gradual diminuendo, so slight you’d barely notice it if you weren’t so incredibly aware of everything Daisy did or was. She knew what happened, though. She’d realised what Daisy was to her, what Daisy could become, and if she wasn’t careful, what she could lose. She hadn’t intended to lose her in the process of trying desperately to preserve their friendship, bury those feelings and any possibility of them deep down. 

“I guess we grew up.” Daisy nodded, looking down at them in the tree. Savour those moments, she wanted to scream at herself; savour those moments, because she’ll be gone in the blink of an eye. She looked at them, smiling in their tree, so young, no idea of what was to come.

“Guess so.” Daisy said. Jemma didn’t feel much older than she had back then. She was still the same Jemma, she was still curious about everything, she still didn’t like change, she still ate at 6:30, she still fidgeted, she still loved Daisy, Fitz was still her best friend. She was still her, so what had changed? Maybe she had grown up. 

“Do you think we’ll ever get them back? Us, I mean.” Daisy thought about that. How she longed for Jemma, how she had for months, how she didn’t know how to be around her for fear of messing everything up. How silly of her, to distance herself from fear of losing her. All she'd done was push her away. She thought about them, those little 7 year olds looking up at the stars. 

“It’s always there, something bright and beautiful-” Daisy mumbled, barely audible.

“-Even if you can’t always see it.” Jemma finished, looking Daisy in the eye for the first time in who knew how long? Daisy dropped her photos, pulling Jemma into a hug. To hell with distance. It had brought her nothing but pain. She revelled in the familiar smell of Jemma, her apple shampoo, her minty breath. 

Jemma sighed as she wrapped her arms around Daisy, holding her tight and close, a tear trickling down her cheek as she thought about how long it had been, how long it had been since they’d even touched, since they’d felt truly close.

“I missed you.” Jemma whispered, her voice breaking.

“I missed you so much.” Daisy murmured back, stroking Jemma’s hair lightly as she felt tears stream steadily down her cheeks. Their friendship was strong, steady. She thought about Ophiuchus, about those kids sitting on the swings, looking up at the sky, smiling, happy, simple. This was right. She didn’t know how, or why, but she belonged here, with her, in her arms. The ache she’d felt when they’d been apart had been so low, so interminable, ever present, never leaving her stomach. She’d watched her for months, stealing shy glances, savouring every accidental hand brush, every laugh. Her heart had been heavy when they’d been apart, unbearably so; now she was weightless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	29. Between Dream and Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is slightly less angsty

She had Daisy back, so by all means, she should have been fine. They were getting better. They weren’t what they used to be, and there were still eerie silences, blushes, awkward moments of embarrassment, but they were getting better. Ed wasn’t around so much, not that Jemma knew why. Daisy was a lot quieter, not quite herself. She wondered if they could ever be what they were, if their friendship would ever be what it was, or if it was to always be moving, evolving. Nothing felt the same anymore, and part of her longed for what they were, but the scientist in her was excited for what was to come, for discovery of what they could be, both together and individually.

She should be okay, she had Daisy, she had Fitz, she was well on the way to having 2 PhDs by the time she graduated and she was generally recognised as the most impressive student to pass through S.H.I.E.L.D. prep so far. She should be okay, so why did it feel like she was being crushed from the inside, a ceaseless hand tight around her trachea. Her days were a blur, either too slow or too quick, too loud or too quiet. Nothing quite made sense; she was constantly treading water just to keep herself from drowning. 

She walked up to the dorm, 47 stairs as usual. She preferred to be alone, just for now, she’d tell herself. People were loud, and confusing, she never knew if she should make eye contact, or sit up straight, talk less, smile more. Her roommates were easier, so was Fitz. None of them seemed to care much about how little or how much eye contact she made, or about her incessant fidgeting. 

Rounding the corner to enter the dorm, she sighed heavily as she lowered the handle, walking over to her bed to flop down, hands over her eyes. She just wanted everything to shush, just for a minute. There’d been so much noise recently, so many people, so much light. It was all too much, sickening really.

“Hey, Jay.” Ali called from her bed. Jemma just groaned loudly in response.

“Aye, fair dos.” 

She wanted to go home, to her mum and her little bedroom in her little house in her little town. She was done with this stupid year, and her stupid degrees. She wanted to go for walks in the countryside and read books and sleep in her own bed. She wanted a hug from her mum, to feel safe, calm, held, warm; she wanted to be able to let go of the breath she’d been holding for days. 

She passed the rest of the day by in the usual all too familiar haze, floating down to dinner, swallowing the cries and the tapping and the stomps of frustration that were bubbling within her. 

“You doing okay, Jems?” Daisy asked her quietly. Jemma’s gaze snapped up from where it had been fixed on the floor.

“Yeah.” she said, smiling carefully. “Just fine.” 

Daisy nodded. The whole Ed incident had happened 6 weeks ago now. They still hadn’t said anything to each other, just anxiously evading the other’s glance. She was glad to have Jemma back. Not just because of what happened with Ed, if at all. She was glad because they fulfilled each other, they provided a kind of lightness that no one else could. Jemma understood her, and so why couldn’t she understand Jemma? She’d been off for days, struggling with her words, anxiously stuttering. She’d retreated into her own world, as if all her energy was just being directed towards not falling apart. Daisy wished she could help her, talk to her about it, bring her back. She’d just found her again, she wasn’t ready to lose her.

“Psst…” Silence.

“Pssst, Jems, you awake?”

“Shush, Daisy, I’m talking to dad.”

“Sorry.”

In truth, she wasn’t talking to her dad at all. He stopped listening to her a while ago. She just couldn’t deal with any more noise, anymore conversation. She needed quiet, to be alone with her thoughts. Really she needed sleep, but that hadn't been happening much recently. Her dreams were restless, her sleep disturbed by the line between dream and reality becoming increasingly blurry. 

She gasped desperately for breath, but her lugs just filled with it more, the awful rot that was filling her from the inside. She clawed desperately at her throat, choking on her pleas as they faded away, leaving her helpless, coughing up her own lung, the rotten stink of it filling her up, making tears spring to her eyes. She wished for death, to be released from this hell, from this awfulness that she was trapped in.

“Jemma? Hey, hey, Jems, you’re okay, you’re okay.” She jerked awake, tears spilling fast down her cheeks, her breath escaping her. Daisy pulled her into a hug, her arms tight around her, comforting, heavy. She choked on her own tears, the breathlessness reminding her of the water, how it had overwhelmed her, engulfing her within its own weight. She cried into Daisy’s shoulder, basking in her, how she felt, her smell, her lavender shampoo. 

“I-I’m sorry for w-waking you.” Jemma tried to say between sobs, weak though they were becoming.

“I was awake anyways.” Daisy said, smiling into her. She’d been rolling around for a while, thinking through everything, planning her apology to Ed, when Jemma had started whimpering, crying, gasping. Initially she’d thought it was Ed, she had nightmares a lot since Bobbi had been shot. When Jemma cried Daisy she knew it had to be her.

“You okay now?” Daisy asked her, pulling away to look her in the eye. Jemma nodded shyly, wiping her face with her sleeve. Daisy nodded, kissing Jemma lightly on the cheek before standing to head to her own bed.

“Daisy-”

“Yeah, Jems?” 

“Could you stay?” Daisy just picked up her bunny and clambered under Jemma’s duvet, burying herself underneath it. Jemma laid with her head buried in Daisy’s shoulder, finally safe and calm, able to breathe properly for the first time in days. Daisy planted another kiss on Jemma’s forehead, light and loving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Apologies for any strange typos, I edited this on my phone so it’s a tad dodgy


	30. Not To Be Missed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they’re all angsty

She watched the world go by, quiet as raindrops raced each other down the window, music forming a comforting blanket over her. Her mother had initially bombarded her with questions: ‘How’s Daisy? Fitz? Degrees? Grades? Are you happy? Eating okay?’. She’d stopped, allowing Jemma to breathe for the first time since she left S.H.I.E.L.D., allowing her to finally process the weight of the last year. 

It was a lot, honestly she was glad it was over, glad to be leaving, glad she didn’t have to go to any lessons for 2 months, glad she could relax, do what she needed to do when she wanted to do it. She’d miss Daisy and Fitz of course, but secretly, deep down, she was glad she didn’t have to see them. Her feelings for Daisy were so messy, such a confusing mixture of all kinds of love that were only heightened when she was around her. It was unbearable sometimes, how she was always there, how Jemma could never escape her own feelings, how tantalizingly close she was, but how insufferably far. 

She wouldn’t miss the constant tight feeling that resided in her chest, or the voice in her head screaming at her to be better, to do better. She wouldn’t miss the constant nausea in her stomach, the dizziness in her head, the fuzziness that would overcome her brain, that would get thicker the more she tried to fight it. She wouldn’t miss the late night tears, the combination of studying whilst crying that her and Fitz had shared a few too many times, the ache in her joints. She wouldn’t miss the panicked sobs that only Daisy could calm down before she got test results back. She had her back though, and so that was all that mattered. She had her back and she could never lose her again.

Ed sat next to her mom, knee bouncing steadily as music blared through her ears, trying to distract from the echoes of memories that had haunted her for months. Images of Bobbi, pale, gaunt, clinging to life flashed by her everyday, following her through every waking moment. The beeping of her heart monitor, how she’d been rushed out of the room, all the doctors who’d come running, the harsh whiteness of the lights, the orders that were barked from The Room. 

She couldn’t go to the labs anymore, not that she tended to frequent them before. Their lights were white, like they’d been in The Room. There were beeps, and they’d pierce her skull, transporting her back to then. 

She hadn’t even seen Bobbi since. The last moment they’d shared Bobbi had just woken up, her eyes bleary. Ed had fallen asleep by her side, crying into her shoulder after she’d told Daisy to leave. 

‘Hey, Edie.’ she’d said, moving her hand to stroke Ed’s hair. Ed had woken up, confused at the warmth beside her. How could it be real? That moment had been fleeting, a single minute of comfort within the horrors of the day. Hunter had taken her back to school, leaving Ed with that memory, that one memory of comfort, amongst too many awful ones for her to live with.

According to Daisy Bobbi was fine, her mom had seen her more often than Ed had. She was still in rehab, so no field work. That calmed Ed’s mind sometimes, knowing that for now, at least, she’d be safe at The Hub, tucked neatly away in a lab. 

Things were still complicated with Daisy. Sometimes she was fine, like nothing had happened, like the last two years had been nothing more than a dream, like Ed’s feelings for her had just dissipated. Other days it still hurt, aching like she didn’t think was possible, still sending pangs of jealousy through her when she’d see Daisy and Jemma together. It hurt her that her and Daisy weren't what they used to be, that they barely addressed each other when they were with the group, that Daisy straight up avoided her when they were alone. She was glad she’d said no, sent her back to Jemma, really she was, but sometimes she wondered, deep down, if she still believed that it was supposed to be her and Daisy.

Fitz would miss S.H.I.E.L.D. for the summer. He was returning to 2 months of coldness, of walking on eggshells, anger threatening to explode from downstairs at any minute. He was going back to being unable to speak, to shaking hands, to his mum crying every night. Back to living in fear of Him, and in fear of life without Him.

He’d built a life for himself here, a life where he was happy, where he had Jemma and Ed, and it was good, and he loved it. He’d built a place for himself where he could escape, where if he pretended hard enough, he could almost believe that he was safe, that his dad wasn’t at home, and his mum wasn’t stuck there with him. 

He’d been threatening to leave them for years. Last time Fitz had been back there he’d actually packed his bags after Fitz had broken a glass. He called him Leopold and it sent shivers down his spine, he spoke icily, his words slithering over Fitz like snakes, writhing around him, entangling him in their poison. Fitz wondered if he’d ever actually leave, if he would ever be really free from his grasp or if he’d always be there, watching over him, his critical gaze looming over him forever, angry words following him. He’d be better off if he left, but he’d always be there, in his head, never truly free.

Bella sat next to Ali in the back of the car their mum had sent to take them to their London apartment, eyes carefully fixed on her twin. She’d been different recently, not noticeably so, just enough so that Bella noticed the circles under her eyes, the distant look that resided behind her eyes sometimes. She’d asked her what was wrong, just to be met with choruses of painfully forced ‘I’m fine’, or a small smile and nod that didn’t quite meet her eyes.

It hurt her. Ali was a part of her, they were each other's best friend, they leaned on each other for so much, and it felt like she was slipping away, leaving her behind. It angered her sometimes, that after all they’d been through, all of their lives together, all sorrows shared, that now she decided she was gone. After everything, she was losing her.

Daisy was okay. Really she was so relieved to be okay, she almost didn’t trust it. After the nightmare that was January through April, she could barely even believe that now, 3 months later, she finally had her shit together. 

She was going to be 14 in a couple weeks, 3 years since she’d met Jemma again, 3 years at S.H.I.E.L.D.. 3 years of Ed and Fitz and the O’Connors. They were all so much older than they had been, all so much taller, so much more grown up. So much shit had happened- petty things, like Jemma and Fitz falling out over a maths equation rather than just looking it up , world ending things, like Bobbi getting shot. 

She thought about that day for the first time in a while. How she’d followed Ed without a second thought, how she’d sobbed to her, how her tears had tasted. She sometimes wondered if what she felt for Ed was love, and if it was, then what did she feel for her now? She loved Jemma, she knew that much. Ed had been right about that, at least. 

Ed was amazing, and Daisy wished she’d stop it, with her leather jackets and her ability to beat the living shit out of you and look stunning doing it. Ed was amazing, and of course she loved her, but how was it different to Jemma? Why did her feelings for Jemma run so impossibly deeply, why did they persist despite Daisy’s attempts to exterminate them? Why was it always going to be Jemma for her, and why the hell was she so helpless to do anything about it? She was done with the pain that came with loving her, but she couldn’t let go of it either. Jemma completed her, she made her whole, who she was meant to be.

She couldn’t tell if she’d moved on from Ed, or if she’d ever even loved her like that, but she knew for sure that she’d always loved Jemma, and probably always would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They’re growing up so fast istg 🥺 Where did all this teen angst come from, I’m so sorry.
> 
> Also thanks for reading, ofc :D


	31. Finally Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here’s some Fitzsimmons fluff :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay it’s fluff I promise, but also TW for child abuse, and domestic abuse

He knocked on their door, firm and sharp, the wood making a good, hollow sound. That was nice. He fought the urge to knock again, wanting to hear the nice ring that the wood had to it, instead turning the button on his blue plaid shirt. It was calming, and God knew he needed something calm. He heard excited footsteps trooping downstairs and Jemma flung the door open, pulling him into a hug.

“I’m so sorry, Fitz.” she mumbled to him, her hand on the back of his head, holding his curls. He dropped his suitcase and hugged her back, revelling in how safe she felt, how warm, comforting, the texture of her black shirt nice against his neck. 

“It’s fine, Simmons. For the best, really.” He mumbled back, really trying to convince himself. She nodded and let go of him, picking up his bag and leading him up to her spare room. She’d gotten a call from him that morning, he’d asked if he could stay with her for the rest of the summer. Of course she’d said yes, but she regretted asking why. Through hesitant breaths he’d told her his dad had left, and his mum needed to go to see her sister, that he couldn’t bear to be around either of them, just for a while. 

“This is the spare room, do with it what you will.” She said, dumping his bags down on the floor. He nodded.

“Thanks, Jemma. I hate to be a burden but-” Jemma shushed him.

“Fitz, you’re no such thing. If anything, I’m glad to have you here. My summer has been awfully dull without you.” This was true for the most part, although she had been glad to be able to get more work for her masters degree done, meaning she’d be finished with it soon. She’d missed him, though, all of them really.

“Either way, thank you for taking me in.” She placed a hand on his shoulder and he held it for a second before she moved away, going to perch on the chest of drawers against the wall while he unpacked.

They caught up whilst he unpacked, mostly talking about menial things. Fitz didn’t want to talk about his dad, not yet. He still hadn’t really processed all that had happened himself. He knew Jemma was leaving it well alone, she probably didn’t want to overstep. He was grateful for that, just grateful for her, really. She’d been his rock this summer, they’d talked much more than they usually did when they weren’t at school. It was good for him, to have a reminder that his whole life wasn’t at home, that he had people he could count on.

Jemma herself had enjoyed talking to him more because it had recently dawned on her that they didn’t actually talk much, not about non science related things, anyway. She liked him, liked spending time with him, getting to know him better. 

She heard the front door open and a shout followed shortly after,

“Jemma, is Fitz here?”

“Yeah, mum!” She shouted back. 

“What does he want for dinner?” Jemma looked at him expectantly but he just shrugged nonchalantly. 

“He doesn’t mind!” Jemma yelled, gesturing to Fitz to follow her as she left, running downstairs to talk to her mum. Fitz followed cautiously, careful not to make too much noise. Everything was so different here, there wasn’t the tense breath here that he felt in his house. They entered the kitchen where Mrs. Simmons was unpacking her shopping.

“Oh, hello Fitz dear, lovely having you here.” She said, greeting him with a warm hug. They’d only met a few times, but she was nice, warm, like Jemma.

“Thank you for having me, Mrs. Simmons.” He said quietly, eyes fixed on the floor. 

“It’s no trouble, dear. Jemma tells me you’ll eat most things she will, with the exception of fish?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, honestly it’s fine, I don’t want to be an-” Jemma nudged him, giving him a comforting smile.

“It’s fine, Fitz.” He just nodded, swallowing nervously. Why was she being so nice? 

“So, what do you two want for dinner?” she asked again. 

“Is pasta okay for you, Fitz?” Jemma asked him. She knew it was, they’d had pasta together before. He nodded again, smiling over to Jemma gratefully.

“Right, very good then.” Jemma and Fitz headed back up to his room after helping Jemma’s mum put the shopping away. They spent most of the afternoon sitting in his room talking, catching up on work that they’d both done, messing around. Fitz showed her the extra work he’d been doing on his Artificial Intelligence system that he was working on for his PhD, H.E.N.R.Y. It was going to be an holographic monkey, which Jemma found incredibly amusing. She showed Fitz all of her oceanology books and posters in her room, as well as her constellations that reflected the winter sky on her ceiling. He showed her his favourite monkey book that he’d brought with him from Scotland, and she helped him put up his Dian Fossey poster in his room, as well as blutacking some of his photos on the wall. 

Once they’d finished they stepped back to admire their handiwork. 

“There now, this is a bit more homely.” Jemma said, sighing as she looked over all the photos. There were lots of her and Fitz together, almost the same amount of them with Daisy, a couple selfies with Ed and one particularly chaotic photo of Fitz and Bella chasing Ali around the dorm armed with water pistols.

“Thanks, Simmons.” He said, flopping backwards onto his bed.

“Anytime, Fitz.”

He’d been at the Simmons’ house for two weeks now, settling comfortably into Jemma’s steady routine, and although the previous events of the summer still haunted him, looming over his head day after day, she made it just a little bit easier.

He awoke on August 16th, rolling over to the sun beaming through the curtains. He smiled. 14. Finally. Jemma would be 15 in less than a month, but after having spent the last 11 months being teased about how young he was, he was glad to actually be the same age as her, albeit for 26 days. He reached for his phone, seeing his mum had sent him 21 messages at exactly midnight. Part of him missed her, but he knew he needed space away from both of them, space to process, to recover. The days leading up to his dad leaving had been awful, constant shouting, tears, the dreaded silence that split him apart like no yells could. 

Jemma came bursting into his room, phone in hand, Daisy, Ed and the twins beaming on the screen.

“Happy birthday, Fitzy!”

“About bloody time, Fitz.”

“Happy birthday!” All came from the phone at once, Fitz just grinned over at them, eyes bright.

“Happy birthday, Fitz.” Jemma said, smiling down at him, still in her pajamas.

“Thanks, Jemma. And thank you all, all timezones considered.” Ed was in America staying at her family home with her mom and Bobbi, Daisy was who-knows-where and the twins were back in Canada.

“Our little Fitzy is all grown up.” Daisy said, a cocktail of fondness and mockery lacing her tone. He scowled at her, she grinned back at him. They made idle chatter for a little while, most of it consisting of teasing Fitz for being younger than them, until May shouted for Daisy and everyone slowly dispersed off the call.

“See you in a bit Fitz.” Jemma said as she left, touching his shoulder lightly on the way. He smiled to himself as she left, flopping back down onto his bed, sighing contentedly.

His day was amazing, way beyond any hopes he’d had for his birthday that year. His birthday was usually ignored in favour of either cold silences or pitiful attempts by his mum to make it happy, just for his dad to either shout, or throw a plate. 

They revised for a while, went for a walk down to the playground and mucked around on the swings for a half hour or so, Fitz called his mum. Mrs. Simmons bought him a birthday cake decorated with chocolate buttons to look like a monkey that they all had for dinner. It was simple, it was easy, happy. He didn’t have to worry about offending someone, or fidgeting, or making eye contact, or being disrespectful. He could be himself, he could flap his hands freely when he got excited, he didn’t have to hide his stuttering, or force himself to talk if he couldn’t. He could talk about monkeys and Jemma would listen enthusiastically, rather than being shouted at to shut up. 

It was the best birthday he’d had in years, free of his father, free of having to suppress himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was supposed to be fluffy, I swear


	32. Baby Ghosties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did I postpone my update schedule for a day so I could post this on Halloween?
> 
> Yes, absolutely I did.

Daisy stayed behind after everyone else left the dorm that morning. They all had classes, whereas she was free to do what she wanted until 3. It was technically supposed to be revision time, but who needs studying when you can have spooky baby ghosts?

She reached down under her bed, sneezing initially as the dust lifted. She found the box of Halloween decorations that her mom had sent her and giggled excitedly. They were in for a shock when they got back. 

She started off by stringing fake cobwebs over the ceiling beams, not low enough so they’d hit Jemma’s head (she was funny about that) but low enough for Ed to walk into it and try to attack, like a little kitten and a laser pointer. She hung glow in the dark skeletons from nails that hung in the walls in various poses, 4 in a row were doing the YMCA. She lined fake pumpkins with fake candles in them up along the window-sill and tied the plastic ghosts up so they were looking down on the room (this required a certain amount of clambouring through the ceiling, and a larger amount of falling off various ridiculously thin beams). 

She placed some orange fairy lights all around the room, and put black sheets over the windows, spelling out various profanities and sayings in white letters over the top. To complete her masterpiece, she put some of her fake gravestones by their drawers, each with one of their names on (she’d had them custom made and had one with Bobbi’s name on it, but that just seemed in severely poor taste now, considering the events of last year).

She stood back to admire her handiwork, adjusting ghosts here and there. No one had even mentioned Halloween and it had been October for a whole 31 days. Really it was on them that they didn’t get to help. .

Ali and Bella were the first to arrive, barging noisily into the room at 2:30 before dropping dead silent as they took in the view. 

“Like what you see?” Daisy asked them. They nodded in sync.

“You did all this, Zee?” Bella asked, astonished.

“That I did, Bells. I was thinking that we could all make each other up later, so we’re all scary, you know?” Daisy said. Really she just wanted to see Fitz as Frankenstein’s monster.

“Morse would make quite the vampire.” Ali said. Daisy nodded, picturing it in her mind’s eye, before Bella snapped her fingers at the both of them.

“Guys, I get it, Ed’s hot, must we constantly discuss it?” 

“Oh says you and your… you know… men.” Daisy shot back, gesturing vaguely in front of her as she said men.

“I’ll have you both know that I like men as well as women. I just prefer not to broadcast that fact quite as loudly.” 

“Can’t relate. May have taken me 13 years to realise it, but… you know… women.” She said with a chef’s kiss. Ali chuckled and Ed walked in, briefly taking in the change of scenery and plopping herself down on her bed in her usual position, headphones on.

“You want us to go, Ed?” Bella asked calmly. Ed just grunted noncommittally. Bella shrugged. 

“I need to go in a couple of minutes anyways.” Daisy said, gathering her folder and laptop up in a bag. Things between her and Ed were… different, since last year. They didn’t straight out avoid each other anymore, but they tended to avoid talking to each other in conversation. Daisy couldn’t tell how she felt about it, fluctuating between glad that things seemed to be on the mend (Shíjiān zhìyù suǒyǒu shāngkǒu, xiǎohuā), and annoyed that they couldn’t be what they were. She was confident in her feelings for Ed though, in that they were gone, whatever they were, replaced by an angry kind of frustration at what they were now.

“Tell Jems and Fitzy I’ll be back for 4. We’re doing costumes.” Daisy said over her shoulder before leaving. 

By the time she returned the mood in the dorm was completely different. Ed was in the ceiling (not an unusual occurrence, but also concerning) Ali was dangling upside from a beam like a bat, Bella was desperately trying to pull herself up and Jemma and Fitz were sat in the corner quietly trying to get on.

“If you hurt my ghosties I’ll have your heads.” Was all Daisy said. 

“Fitzsimmons, do you wanna do costumes before or after dinner?”

“After.” They said in unison, neither of them looking up or even stopping their work.

“Alrighty then.” 

“Sorry, Dais, give us half an hour and we’re all yours.” Jemma said. Daisy sat next to her and plugged her own headphones in, happily watching the twins and Ed mess around on the ceiling beams.

“Fitz, sit still.” Ali said irritated. 

“It’s cold.” He whined. Ali was desperately trying to dab yellowish paint on his face and black lipstick on his lips, but apparently sitting still for more than 5 seconds was impossible for him. 

“Why doesn’t Jemma have to do this?” He complained, scowling over at her sitting smugly on the counter in their bathroom, the only area which hadn’t been decorated.

“If anyone tries to put anything on my face I will definitely bite them.” She just said as she watched him squirm. He rolled his eyes and continued trying to sit still.

Jemma hadn’t bothered dressing up much, she wore her hair down under a red and white striped top hat,  
with cat ears on it, as well as a black shirt and jeans. She was supposed to be the cat in the hat, but Fitz wasn’t convinced. He was being made into Frankenstein’s monster, Ali doing his face whilst Bella found the spray dye for his hair. 

Bella and Ali were being Luigi and Waluigi respectively, although Bella had replaced the dungarees with a pale blue pinafore, and the shirt with a pastel green button up. Daisy had thrown a sheet with hole cut into it for her eyes over herself and called it a day.

Ed had curled her hair and applied eyeliner and red lipstick, complaining about objectification of women the entire time, despite high key feeling like the absolute shit. She was wearing an all-in-one bodycon dress over tights, under a floor length cloak. 

When Ali had given it to her earlier she’d taken one look and handed it back. Ali had just rolled her eyes.

“Don’t you wanna see Jem’s gay panic? Remember what happened with Bobbi?” Ali had said, dragging forth the memory of when her sister had worn a rather low cut tank top and Jemma had barely been able to form a full sentence.

“Khorosho. no ty dolzhen mne sladkiy.” (Fine, but you owe me, sweetie.) She’d replied, taking the costume and rolling her eyes. Ali hadn’t told her to go all the way with the hair and the makeup, but she figured if you’re gonna do something, do it right.

“Okay, we’re doing photos, obviously, and then we’ll hook the projector and stuff up so we can watch Nightmare on Elm Street.” Daisy said, standing up from where she’d been perched on the end of the counter in the bathroom. Fitz’s hair had been sprayed black and was stood up all over the place, and he looked pretty chuffed with himself. He had black lipstick (Ali’s) and yellow face paint on.

They all trooped back into the bedroom and Jemma practically had to pick her jaw up off the floor after seeing Ed, her blonde hair cascading down her back in neat curls, red lips pursed in concentration as she fidgeted with her hands.

“Dzhemma, milaya, vzglyani syuda.” (Jemma, sweetie, eyes up here) Ed said as she looked up from under lashes heavy with mascara. Jemma blushed and apologised, only for Ed to hold up a hand and silence her. She could get used to this. Daisy felt almost jealous at the attention Ed was getting from Jemma, but honestly, she couldn’t blame her. She was well over Ed, but… damn. She felt bad about it, feeling like she was objectifying Ed as this thing, rather than as a young woman who was 10000% capable of beating the living shit out of her.

Ali coughed and the attention shifted to her.

“How do yous want to do this?”

“Uhh, I was just thinking we’d turn all the lights off apart from the fairy lights and pumpkins, and then you can, you know… take photos?” Daisy said. Ali just nodded and went to get the lights. 

She did as Daisy asked, trying to capture more candid photos of them, just moments, unchoreographed, unplanned, just little pockets of time forever captured on her phone. 

She’d have really preferred to have kept photographing them for longer, but Fitz and Ed were getting bored and Jemma was getting gradually more attached to Daisy, and so they elected to stop and just watch the film. Daisy produced a box of various halloween sweets, as well as a box of chocolates for them.

“I was gonna try get some drinks but Bobbi said she’d send some and never did.” Daisy said. It still confused Ed sometimes, the fact that technically drinking was legal here from 16, and Jemma was already 15. Still illegal, but it someone seemed better if she was only a year off.

“I don’t wanna get pissed today anyways.” Bella said, sitting on her bed next to Ali.

“This time next year Jemma will actually be allowed to drink.” Ali pointed out

“Not really, here it’s legal to drink out with someone over 18 from 16.” Jemma clarified. When she’d told Daisy about the drinking laws she’d been suspiciously excited.

“Yes yes very good, can we watch the film please?” Fitz said impatiently. He’d already resolved to never drink anyway, thank his dad for that one.

“Give me a second. You lot can be sorting out the floor whilst I’m doing this.” Daisy said, fiddling with her phone. Ed shooed Fitzsimmons off her bed and tipped her mattress off it, as well as Bella’s, so they could all lay on them together.

“Okay, lift off” Daisy announced as the film started. She sat in the corner against Ed’s bed, Jemma placing herself comfortably between Daisy’s legs so Daisy could braid her hair whilst they watched. Fitz sat next to them, Ed next to him with Bella in front of her, and Ali all but laid down on the other end.

Daisy held Jemma as they watched, comfortable with her in her arms, hardly believing that after everything, they were okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	33. Newton's First Law of Motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's some more fluff :D

“Do you think we should decorate the dorm?” Ali asked Bella one afternoon. Really she just didn’t want to do her biochem prep, but Daisy’s halloween had given her ideas. Their dorm was bland, all the walls were white, the floor wooden. She wanted houseplants and fairy lights and posters and all of their individuality spread across the walls. And a feature wall. She desperately wanted a feature wall.

“Shush, Alice. I’m working.” was all Bella said in response. Ali scowled at the use of her full name and decided to find Daisy in the compsci labs. She’d be more willing anyway.

“Hey, Zee.” She said upon entering. Daisy looked up from her screen with a smile, a black hood covering her head. 

“Hey, Al.” She responded. Ali sat on Daisy’s desk, her boots dangling in the air. 

“Soooo, you wanna decorate the dorm?” Daisy slammed her laptop shut.

“Yesyesyes absolutely.” She said, already shoving it in her bag.

“We’ll need to order stuff online, and obviously get house plants. And a fish! Jemma would love a fish!” Daisy said quickly, already planning out what it would look like in her head.

“Should we be trusted with a living thing?” Ali was opting for no, after what had happened with Greg the Spider, resisting the urge to roll her eyes at just bow obviously infatuated Daisy was.

“Well we’ve managed not to kill each other or ourselves for the past 4 years, and so I count that as an absolute win.” Daisy said decisively. Jemma really would love a fish. They could get it a little table, and a pineapple like in spongebob.

“I think not dying is probably the bare minimum, Zee.” Daisy just rolled her eyes.

“Are you gonna ask other people opinions, or shall we just go for it?” She wanted pride flags along the walls and fluffy rugs on the floor, but she didn’t much want to annoy anyone.

“We’ll ask, but we get to make the decisions.” Ali decided.

“What ya doin’” Jemma asked as she walked in, seeing Daisy and Ali perched on the chest of drawers. She lifted herself up so she was next to Daisy, looking at what they were doing.

“We’re decorating the dorm.” Daisy said dully, scrolling through Amazon.

“We already have our pinboards though.”

“It needs more… pizazz.” Ali said, helpful jazz hands accompanying her ‘pizazz’.

“Okay then, I want to have my ocean posters up. And houseplants. And I want to paint fish along the ceiling beams.” Jemma said, perking up a bit when she started thinking about the ocean. She barely had any time for it anymore, but she loved it just as much as she had two years ago. It would be nice to have something that she loved so much on her walls, a little piece of her.

“Very good.” Ali said.

“We’ll need pride flags for everyone as well. A bi one for you, lesbian one for me, Jemma and Eds, I wonder if Fitz would want an ace one?” Daisy looked at Jemma questioningly, but she just shrugged.

“And obviously the rainbow one.” Daisy finished.

“Aye, that’s all well and good, but where do you intend to put all these flags?” Ali asked.

“We’ll worry about that later.” Daisy decided. Ali nodded and continued scrolling.

“Zee, they’re here!” Ali called. It had been two months since they’d ordered all of their dorm decorations in December, and finally everything had arrived. They already had little houseplants lined up along the window sills, and slightly bigger ones tucked into The Jurassic Corner, as Ali had named it (much to Jemma’s dismay, as none of the plants in question had anything to do with the Jurassic period), as well as one in the bathroom.

They’d decided to wait for everything else to arrive until they made a weekend out of decorating. Ali’s little printer had already arrived, as well as her band and various anime posters (she’d never admit it, but she was a total weeb). They’d ordered a striped rug for the floor, it was blue and green and Jemma liked it because it fitted her ocean theme that she decided to run with for her little section of the room. 

Her blue planet poster had already arrived, as well as her constellation map, and a signed David Attenbrough poster. She had wanted a dopamine molecule poster, but Ali had instantly made approximately 5 dirty jokes, and so she’d decided against that. She’d also ordered herself frames for her masters degrees, which she’d gotten at the end of last term, as well as her first two Bachelor of Science degrees, and her PhD acceptance letters (she was doing two). She’d also gotten a duvet spread with a turtle on it. She loved turtles. She’d often compared her friends to baby sea turtles when she’d first met them, never really feeling that she could be that brave, that bold; she’d proved herself wrong. 

Daisy had ordered herself a huge whiteboard as well as about 30 magnets, and some photographic prints she’d found online of various TV shows, or just celebrities she’d taken a fancy to.

Ed had initially thought the whole thing stupid, but soon realised that there were so many absolutely incredible both leftist and gay posters on redbubble, and had soon come around. She’d chosen herself a poster of Ruth Bader Ginsburg with flowers, an ‘eat the rich’ poster, and a ‘portrait of a lady on fire’ poster. She already had a little houseplant on her bedside table (his name was Lance; Hunter had paid for it), as well as a little A5 framed and autographed Hamilton poster. On the floor next to her bed she’d got herself a fluffy rug which she had a tendency of laying on more than her own bed, claiming that ‘furniture is for pussies’.

Bella had ordered a polaroid camera so photos littered her wall, as well as some small posters (moomin, hello kitty, that kind of thing). She had pastel pink fairy lights hung up over her bed, and a light blue throw on her bed.

“Fucking finally!” Daisy said, jumping up from her bed to help Ali bring in the cans of paint that must have wandered through the Bermuda Triangle at some point, given the fact that they’d taken two months to arrive. They were planning to paint the back wall dark blue and map out constellations on it, but how well that was going to work was still up for debate. 

“We’ll start it tomorrow morning. I’m seeing Piper later.” Ali said, putting the cans of paint down by Jurassic Corner.

“It’s gonna look so good though.” Daisy said. Ali had been spending a suspicious amount of time with this Piper person, whoever they were.

“Tomorrow, Zee.” Daisy just rolled her eyes and nodded, grabbing her laptop from her bed to finish the coding for H.E.N.R.Y that Fitz had asked her to help with, promising that she could install it on her own devices when he was done.

“SHUT UP, DAISY MAY!” Ed yelled, groaning and burying her head under her pillow. 

“WAKEY WAKEY!” she just said, running around the room screaming at the top of her lungs. Jemma rolled over to look at her clock, groaning at the numbers glaring back at her.

“Daisy, it’s 9 on a Saturday and we’re 15. Go back to sleep.” She said, closing her eyes.

“IT’S DECORATING DAY, UP UP UP!” she said, dodging a pillow that Ed had chucked in her direction with a slightly offensive amount of force. Ali sat up, dragging herself out of bed, giving Daisy a solid kick in the shin on her way to the bathroom. 

“I will get water.” Daisy said, leaning over Jemma and whispering in her ear. Jemma wiggled, squirming a bit at Daisy’s unexpectedly close proximity to her, and sat up, wiping her eyes. 

“Fine, Zee. But we’re getting breakfast first.” Daisy nodded, sitting on Jemma’s bed.

“Where are we gonna start?” Ali asked, crossing her arms as she looked at the piles of boxes and cans before them. They needed to paint a wall, hang lights, spread rugs, assemble a bookshelf and sort out each of their individual spaces. In 2 days.

“Let's do the wall first, then we can do the second coat tomorrow and the stars next week.” Daisy said, going to take down her pinboard and drag her drawers away from the wall. She’d made sure to wear old clothes from when she actually trained, wearing black joggers and a blue tank top, her hair tied up in a bun. She’d lent Jemma a sports tee from last year, as well as a pair of running shorts. 

“Alrighty.” Ali said, mimicking Daisy and pulling her hair up into a ponytail. She’d dyed the ends red again last week. She was wearing one of Ed’s old t-shirts, although it was technically Bobbi’s first. It was gray, the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo on the breast with MORSE - E.C.H.O. on the back. It had been hers before she’d gotten shot, although she’d recently returned to being in the field, much to Ed’s dismay. She had black joggers on underneath it. Bella had a pastel pink shirt tucked into gray joggers, and she’d recently bleached her hair and dyed it light purple.

They dragged their drawers out, each of their pinboards laying on top of it, took a paintbrush each, and got to work, just slapping paint on the wall stroke by stroke.

“Houston, we have a problem.” Ed said as she unplugged her headphones (“Naushniki, moya mladshaya, sestra”, Bobbi told her.) 

“What?” Daisy asked, snapping her head up.

“I’m the tallest, and I can’t reach the top.” Daisy looked up, seeing that there was still a foot and a half of wall that remained unreached.

“We can worry about that tomorrow, I don’t wanna go find a ladder right now.” Ed nodded and continued painting along the wall. It was a solid 8 feet high, they lived at the top so it was pentagon. The walls that their beds were against were both slanted, meaning that the posters could be a bit tricky, but Daisy figured they’d cross that bridge when they came to it.

“Zee, when were we planning on eating?” Ali asked after who knew how long of solid painting.

“You guys can go if you want, I’m good.”

“Yeah, same,” Jemma agreed. 

“I’m focused, if I stop then I won’t be able to start.” Ed said.

“Aye, things that are in motion tend to stay in motion and things that are at rest tend to stay at rest.” Bella said, still painting.

“Newton’s first law of-” Jemma started but Ali interrupted.

“Alright! I get it, you’re focused. I’ll bring yous up a sandwich and a coffee each, tea for you Jay, I know.” Ali left, grabbing a jumper on her way out.

“What’s the time?”

“Dunno.”

“K.”

They painted until abou 2, eventually realising they’d been painting over the same spots repeatedly. 

“Bookcase now?” Daisy asked, heading back from the bathroom.

“Yep, sounds good.” Ed said. They’d bought a bookcase purely because Jemma had mentioned that maybe there was a better way of organising their PhD coursework than shoving it all under their beds, especially considering that she was doing two, meaning that half of her stuff had ended up under Ed’s bed anyway. It was white, and looked kind of plastic but it would do the job. Jemma wanted to decorate it with fish on the side anyway, so it would match the ceiling beams, meaning that it didn’t matter much.

They wrestled with the damned thing for the majority of the afternoon, significantly hindered by the fact that wrench G and packet 2E seemed to be missing. 

“We have 9 degrees between the 5 of us, we won’t be defeated by a bookcase from argos.” Jemma half sobbed as she realised they’d built the damned thing backwards. That was technically true, she had a Master of Science and two Bachelor of Sciences, Daisy, Ali and Bella each had an Master of Science and a Bachelor of Science and Ed was already building an international reputation for herself, having been contacted by multiple unsolicited agencies asking her if she wanted to ‘take a tour’. She was under shield’s protection now. 

“Where’d the extra one come from?” Ali asked, genuinely confused.

“Jems got an extra degree in first year,” Daisy said. Jemma was absolutely ridiculous. She’d gotten her second Master of Science a couple months ago, she’d started PhD number one in second year, and had just taken up another one.

“Oh, good on ya, Jay.” Jemma just sighed

“Thank you, Alice.”

“Hey look, I think I’ve done it.” Bell said, taking a step back to admire her work.

“That’s bloody deliberate! I thought lesbians were supposed to be better at this sorta thing.” Ali groaned, standing up to look at Bella’s work.

“Aye, seems proper.”

“Thanks Bee.” Daisy said, patting her on the shoulder.

“Does anyone know the time?” Ed asked.

“It’s 6. I’m going to shower before dinner.” Jemma said. She’d been keeping a careful eye on the time, not wanting to miss 6:30 dinner.

“We’ll leave the posters for tomorrow, and the wall might need longer to dry. We got a lot done though, so snaps for us.” Daisy said, pulling off her paint stained tank top so she was wearing a sports bra and flopped down onto her bed. 

“Shhh, Zee, let us rest.” Bella said, collapsing in a heap on the floor.

“Yeah. Okay.”

The next morning Daisy didn’t bother with getting them up at ridiculous o’clock in the morning. Mostly because she herself didn’t wake up until 10:30, and didn’t get up until 11. She’d been up until 2 catching up on coursework she was supposed to have done on Saturday anyway. She also made the grim mistake of coffee with dinner. By the time she’d gotten up, Jemma had already hung her posters and degrees, changed her duvet cover and was painting the side of the new bookcase. Ed had gone out to train, Ali was fiddling around with the printer, and Bella was also still in bed. 

“Oh, morning Dais.” Jemma said brightly as she saw Daisy was awake. 

“Bleugh.” she said as she got up, heading to the bathroom to shower. She came out again wearing a sports bra and paint stained joggers and headed to the canteen to get coffee. 

“Aren’t you hanging you whiteboard?” Jemma asked. 

“Optimal functioning levels not yet attainable, caffeine required.” She said, running her fingers through her hair as she left, joints aching from the physical activity that painting apparently required. She went to the canteen, picking up a cup of coffee, saying hi to Davis as she went before returning upstairs. She kept meaning to ask someone who Piper was, she’d never met them, and was 99% sure that Ali had a thing with them. She’d made at least 5 mental notes to ask Ed, as she knew the ops division better than her, but her mental notes were always utterly ignored.

She reentered the dorm where Jemma was now painting fish on the ceiling beams, and Ed appeared to be hanging pride flags in the ceiling. Bella and Ali had disappeared to who knows where, further deepening Daisy’s suspicions. She fished her whiteboard out from under her bed and got to work unwrapping it. It would cover most of the area above her bed, and came with a pen for every color of the rainbow. She’d found magnets with funny little phrases on them, her favourite being one with a cactus on it saying ‘don’t be a prick’. 

She’d bought photographic prints with actresses on them, as well as printing out photos of her and her friends on the fancy printer in the library. Apparently her dad also had something to give her to decorate her dorm that she’d get when he visited next, but the jury was still out on when that would be. It didn’t actually take her too long to sort out the whiteboard, and then all she had to do was frame a photo of her and Jemma for her bedside table and she was done.

She looked at everyone else’s posters and little bits of furniture. Jemma had framed everything, making it look more neat and polished. She had a little alarm clock on her bedside table, a traditional analogue one. It was blue and drove everybody round the bend.

Ed hadn’t framed any of her posters, they were scattered on the wall above her bed. They looked as though she’d started off with a plan of organization and quickly abandoned it. She had her autographed Hamilton print on her bedside table, as well as a photo of everyone and Bobbi from second year.

Ali’s area was a clusterfuck cocktail of things, from bands, to anime, to sitcoms, to a massive Irish flag, to magazine cuttings and a camp half-blood tapestry that was so high up Daisy doubted even Ed could've put it up there.

Bella’s had been reduced considerably, and was hilariously organised and dainty in comparison to Ali’s. 

She looked up to see pride flags hanging from the highest ceiling beams, saying lightly from the draught that drifted through the room.

Daisy smiled to herself. It was already home, it would always be her home, just now it looked way cooler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a rouggh idea of what they all have, if anyone cares (i only did this because i want my room to be nice, when it actual fact it is a shithole)
> 
> Jemma-  
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Great-Women-of-Science-Set-by-geeksweetie/10659128.LVTDI
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Night-Constellations-by-EleanorLutz/39435018.LVTDI
> 
> https://www.ebay.co.uk/i/352645575476?chn=ps&var=621990107286
> 
> https://myhotposters.com/products/blue-planet-ii-tv-series-poster-101006?variant=1583288287250&dfw_tracker=29545-1583288287250&gclid=CjwKCAjwz6_8BRBkEiwA3p02Ve-7NuLTB7izTFE-mGcusTKtCbHkPYLn71QtmPJKoqV1Xy6bC6HvCxoCxvIQAvD_BwE
> 
> https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChcSEwj2ttDRtb7sAhUF6-0KHVXoB6wYABBlGgJkZw&sig=AOD64_1qZwbpnnnzq6oRmU3sTVkhdGzLQA&ctype=5&q=&ved=0ahUKEwi1qMvRtb7sAhUZQxUIHRmdBFAQpysInQE&adurl=
> 
> https://www.wayfair.co.uk/Breakwater-Bay--Metro-Handwoven-Cotton-Blue-Rug-IPLV7887-L167-K~HOKU6776.html?refid=GX190833676940-HOKU6776&device=c&ptid=296881548881&targetid=pla-296881548881&network=g&ireid=57793896&device=c&gclid=CjwKCAjwz6_8BRBkEiwA3p02VQc71P2A5zL-az79OclNskMjnVmJ3V2w8z7ZUyZVZOgxccH--n0G-RoCN1QQAvD_BwE
> 
> Ed-  
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Feminism-by-Florensbur/23016298.LVTDI
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Julia-Gillard-I-will-not-be-lectured-about-sexism-and-misogyny-by-this-man-quote-by-EmLosin/31039599.LVTDI
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Ruth-bader-Ginsburg-Floral-by-sszampetti/32867042.LVTDI
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Feminist-Girl-Gang-Squad-Goals-with-Gloria-by-thefilmartist/26337862.LVTDI
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Portrait-of-a-Lady-on-Fire-by-amscraypunk/44767067.LVTDI
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Lesbians-for-equal-employment-rights-1960s-protest-by-BMed/54427346.LVTDI
> 
> Ali-  
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/nevermind-by-joycestrother/58371625.LVTDI
> 
> hhtps://www.etsy.com/poster/oasis/7891&utm_custom2=6479497897&gclid=CjwKCAjwz6_8BRBkEiwA3p02VYmzOlcpEiHy9ReihPjcqkAx7FV_RaU7gK3KcDLivYGkVF5qGsTefxoC9YYQAvD_BwE
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Mikasa-Ackerman-Shingeki-no-Kyojin-Attack-on-Titan-by-xxsoraXIII/41845455.LVTDI
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Shingeki-no-Kyojin-Levi-by-Recup-Tout/42101967.LVTDI
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Haikyu-by-martineden146/46380457.LVTDI
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/photographic-print/Ready-Player-One-Future-Odysey-by-cattrow/30975818.6Q0TX
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Death-Tarot-by-phantastique/14019709.LVTDI
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/poster/Rock-Collage-by-Tiltedgiraffes/20682043.LVTDI
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/tapestry/Camp-Half-Blood-Long-Island-Sound-9-by-SalahBlt/48173934.PCFHB
> 
> Bella-
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/art-print/Tari-by-flussfuchs/52130839.1G4ZT
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/art-print/Another-direction-by-piniako/25798709.1G4ZT
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/art-print/Saturn-by-piniako/22729886.1G4ZT
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/art-print/Bitchz-Bratz-by-Mariah5SOS/38160425.1G4ZT
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/art-print/Apprentice-by-cloudsover31/38886206.1G4ZT
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/i/art-print/Women-in-STEM-Engineer-IV-by-maartsee/52407249.1G4ZT


	34. Taurus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some quality Ali content for you

“Heya!” Ali said cheerfully as she climbed up in the tree to sit next to Piper. She was wearing a long sleeve fishnet top underneath her ‘The Queen is Dead’ t-shirt, as well as grey cropped jeans and leather converse high tops.

“Hey, Li.” Piper grinned, passing her a can of lemonade and kissing her on the cheek. They had a plaid shirt and a beanie on, blue skinny jeans with tears on the knees and their old Docs. Ali shuffled closer to them, leaning against their solid frame as she watched the sunset.

“How was your day?” Piper asked, sipping their coke and taking hold of Ali’s hand with their spare one.

“I’ve been up to ninety since dawn, or so it feels. Good to see you, though.” she said, giving their hand a squeeze.

“And yourself?” she asked. Piper considered this for a moment. 

“Morse kinda kicked my ass earlier, still pretty bruised. Other than that I’m doing alright.” Ali nodded. It was a miracle that her dormmates hadn’t put two and two together yet, still painfully ignorant to her and Piper. Of course Bella had known from the get go, but Jemma didn’t seem to notice, Daisy still had no idea who Piper even was, and if Ed knew, she hadn’t said anything. She took a sip of her lemonade, relishing in the flavour and the beauty of the moment. She loved this, spending time with them, just quiet, peaceful. She loved having someone who was just for her, and she loved that it was Piper.

They’d met way back in December. Ali had been going through a bit of a rough patch, not that she knew why, of course. Bella had noticed before she had, picking up on the little things, like how she’d started sleeping more, how she’d stopped hanging out with them so much, instead staying up in the dorm. Things were better now she had Piper, they were easier. She had something to look forward to, something to leave the room for. 

Ali had been waiting for Ed around the new ops block they were building when Piper had bumped into her, quickly apologising and blushing profusely as they made eye contact. Ali had taken their hand, quickly written her number, winked and whispered ‘call me’ in their ear before Ed had come over, and sure enough they did.

They’d asked her to meet them in the forest on new year’s eve, and she had, to find them standing there with ciders in one hand and sparklers in another. They’d spelt out each other's names, huddled tightly in scarves, noses cold, eyes happy. When the clock had struck midnight she’d kissed them, smiling into their lips.

It was hard to believe that had been four whole months ago, and possibly harder to believe that Ali shared a room with 4 training spies and not one of them had figured it out. It wasn’t a secret, Piper’s dormmates knew, as well as their friends in ops (which is why Ali was 99% sure Ed knew and just didn’t care). She just didn’t want to have to share them with the world yet, she wanted just a bit more of this, of these nights, holding hands under the sunset, pleasantly tipsy, content in each other’s company.

Ali watched as the stars slowly appeared.

“Do you know constellations?” she asked them. 

“Uh, my mom taught me about Cygnus when I was little, the swan. I don’t remember many others, though. Although, I know that you’re a Taurus.” They said, slightly proud of themself for that random bit of Ali knowledge.

“I am?” she asked. She didn’t know anything about the stars, which was rather impressive considering the fact that she’d lived with both Jemma and Daisy for four years.

“I think you’re probably the first not straight person I’ve met who doesn’t know star signs.” Piper chuckled at themself for the shameless stereotyping. If they were being honest, Ali wasn’t like anyone they’d ever met. She was funny in a hard sort of way, utterly unreliable and completely scatterbrained, made at least 2 dirty jokes every time they saw her; she was soft, kind, she knew how to be vulnerable in a way that Piper hadn’t seen before. 

“Who’re the stars to tell me who to be?” she said, studying them. It was hard to comprehend how far away they were, how close they looked, how they each had their own solar system, how there must be life, maybe some alien looking up at them right now thinking the same thing.

“I don’t think anyone could ever tell you who to be.” Piper said, kissing her softly on the lips. 

“Dead on.” She mumbled, her forehead against theirs, eyes still closed, basking in the joy of the moment, how they tasted, the smell of their shampoo, how their hand felt in hers. She wished she could stay in this moment forever, with them, millions of stars watching them, millions of possibilities before them, young forever.

“And what kind of time do you call this?” Daisy said as Ali walked into the dorm.

“Uh, honey I’m home?” Ali replied. 

“Where were you? Were you with this mystery Piper?” Daisy asked, her tone teasing. It was only 10:30, she hadn’t actually been out that long, although Jemma was already in bed, looking remarkably cranky at the disturbance.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Daisy May.” was all Ali said, dumping her stuff on her bed.

“I think you have a girlfriend.” Daisy said, drawing her words out.

“I don’t.” Ali said honestly.

“Boyfriend?” Ali just shook her head.

“Significant other?” Daisy tried. Ali rolled her eyes and headed to the bathroom.

“Ah-hah! You didn’t deny it! I’m onto you, Alice O’Connor!”

“Shush, Daisy.” Jemma groaned, just wanting to sleep.

“Sorry, Jems.” Daisy whispered, getting into bed herself and pulling out her phone to spam Ali’s texts with ALI’S GOT A PARTNERRRRR until she gave in. 

“Hey, Fitz.” Daisy said the next morning at breakfast. He looked up from his toast.

“Hey, Daisy.” He said slightly impatiently.

“Do you know Piper?” she finally asked. She knew there was something she’d been meaning to do.

“Yeah.” he said, returning to his toast.

“You wanna tell me who they are?” Daisy asked. Fitz quickly scanned the canteen for the brunette, but they were nowhere to be found. 

“They’re not here. You’ve probably seen them around, year above us, shorter than Ed but taller than you, have a lot of beanies?” 

“Ohhhh, them. Ali has good taste.” Fitz nodded his agreement, quickly realising his mistake.

“Ah-hah! They are dating!” Daisy half yelled, pointing an accusing finger at him.

“Honestly it’s embarrassing how long it’s taken you to realise. I’ve known since February.” Fitz said simply, taking a bite of his toast .

“Leopold Fitz, I can’t believe you lied to me.”

“Hey, I never lied, not even one of omission, you just never asked . Ali’s the one who’s been ‘studying in the library’ and coming back tipsy. Fitz said pointedly. Daisy just scowled. Ali was never going to hear the end of this. A dorm of spies and it was Fitz of all people who knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the Ali/Piper train! 
> 
> (jk, more Daisy/ Jemma to come)


	35. Chernaya Zvezda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More fluff :D

“Is that a cat?” Ali suddenly said, jumping out of their tree and following the quiet mewing. Piper jumped down after her, following closely and gasping as she saw the tiny black kitten with white paws squatted in the bush. 

“Hey, tiny.” Ali cooed, stretching out a finger to the tiny creature. It stayed put, looking at her outstretched hand slightly judgmentally.

“Can we keep it?” She asked, smiling up at Piper.

“Your dorm mates will probably have something to say about that. And she might have a mother.” Piper tried reasoning with her.

“If she’s still here and alone tomorrow I’m telling Jemma. She likes animals.” Ali decided. Really she just thought that Jemma was the most likely to let her keep it.

“Okay, babes. Whatever you say.” Piper said, kissing her cheek. They suspected they might be welcoming a new friend into their life. 

“Just quickly, Jay.” Ali pleaded.

“Just tell me what it is, Li.” Jemma moaned. She was busy, and wasn’t awfully eager to give up her work. 

“But that’ll ruin the surprise.” Ali complained. Jemma sighed, getting up to grab a jumper from Daisy’s bed, the green nicely complimenting her blue denim skirt. Ali had black skinny jeans and a t-shirt with Wednesday Addams on it, stating ‘I hate everything’.

“Fine. But it better be quick.”

“Thanks Jay.” Ali said in a sing-song tone as Jemma followed her out of the dorm. She led her to the bush behind the school, next to her and Piper’s tree and let out a sigh of relief when the kitten was still under there.

“Your diagnosis, doc.” Ali said triumphantly as Jemma squatted next to the tiny kitten.

“I’m a biochemist, not a veterinarian.” Jemma said lightly, not wanting to scare the fragile little thing.

“You were hyper-fixated on animals for two years, Jay, you must know something.”

“Her mother probably left her, or forgot her. Do you have some water?” Jemma asked, reaching out behind her, not taking her eyes off the cat.

“Uh, yeah here.” Ali said, passing Jemma her water bottle and squatting next to her. Jemma poured a little into her cupped hand and held it out for the kitten. It took a wobbly step forward, stopping before Jemma’s hand to lap up some of the water. 

“Awww, good girl.” Jemma praised, ignoring Ali’s eyebrow raise. 

“She needs her mother’s milk really, we need to keep her hydrated, and we can probably get something from the canteen for her at lunch.” 

“Can we keep her?” Ali asked, slightly nervous to hear her answer. Jemma considered this for a moment.

“Well, there’s nothing in the rules that says we can’t, but I’m not sure that a dorm 5 stories up is the best place for cat keeping.” Ali’s heart fell.

“Well she probably shouldn’t go out until she’s good and grown anyway. And then she can use the fire escape?” She tried. Jemma frowned. 

“Do we have a fire escape?” 

“Aye, at the end of the corridor.”

“Well there would need to be someone up here whilst she’s out to let her back in, but that shouldn’t be an issue as cats are mostly nocturnal.” Jemma started to get excited about the concept of this new cat. 

“We’d need to get her food, but you and Bell are filthy rich anyway. I can take her home for the summer with Fitz, considering I live the closest and have the stablest home. She’ll need a litter box, and toys, cats need stimulation, especially kittens.” Ali just nodded along as Jemma dumped information on her.

“She’d look absolutely adorable with Ed!” Jemma concluded, giggling a bit at the thought of the tiny kitten sitting in the palms of Ed, who currently stood at 5’11”. 

“So I assume this is a yes?” Ali asked, and Jemma nodded. 

“We can’t take her up straight away, we’ll get her some food first.” Ali nodded.

“It’s roast chicken for dinner.”

“Perfect.” Jemma said, watching the cat drink the water. 

“We should probably ask Ed, Zee and Bee before we adopt a cat.” Ali pointed out.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Jemma said. 

Daisy thought about it for a second. 

“Should we, a group of 15 year olds, be trusted with a cat? That’s like, a whole living thing.” 

“We haven’t killed a single plant in Jurassic Corner yet and they’ve been there for like 4 months.” Ali said, looking over to their collective pride and joy. 

“Yes, but Ali dearest, there is quite a difference between house plants and cats.” Daisy said. Really she desperately wanted the cat, they could name it Nova, or Astrid, and it could cuddle up with her and Jemma on movie nights, 

“Well, look at it this way. Between us, we have a whole 89 years of life experience, and you’d definitely trust an 89 year old with a cat.” 

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, Li.” 

“Shove off Zee, do you want the bloody cat or not.” 

“Yes, I want the bloody cat.” Daisy said.

“Fabulous, then that settles it.” Ali said, practically skipping back over to her bed to shop for cat toys. They were planning to go to Edinburgh next weekend anyway, so they figured they’d use the opportunity to take her to the vets. They’d already determined that Jemma would get her neutered and chipped over the Easter holidays next week, and that Jemma would put her mum down as the owner, as when they all left the academy she would probably be the one who ended up taking care of her.

“Ali, could you be any louder?” Jemma whisper-yelled as they watched the kitten gobble up her food. They’d brought her tiny pieces of chopped up chicken, as well as some more water in a shot glass (Jemma had to tell Daisy off for yelling ‘SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS’ every time the cat took a sip).

“What shall we call her?” Ed asked as she took a photo of the kitten to send Bobbi. She had Bobbi’s gray E.C.H.O. jumper on with green cargo pants. She’d ended up with a lot of Bobbi’s S.T.R.I.K.E uniform whilst Bobbi was still in rehab, landing herself 2 pairs of running shorts, a pair of trakkies, a couple tank tops, a jumper 3 tshirts.

“Something related to space like Lyra, or Luna.” Daisy suggested. It seemed right that their cat should be named after something space related. She had a black tank top on under a green varsity style jacket over black leggings with trainers. She’d wanted to train, but Ali had told her that Ed was in the gym, and they tended to avoid being alone together.

“I’m sure she’ll tell us her name in due time.” Jemma said.

“She looks like a wee Luna to me.” Bella said, tilting her head as she inspected the cat. She wore a pink zippy with a black and white floral tank top with high waisted blue jeans.

“I don’t know, she could be a Phoebe, or a Diana.” Ali suggested, racking her brains for space names.

“I like Maia, or Juno.” Ed said, looking up from her phone. The others looked at her in surprise.

“What? I have dimensions.” Ed said defensively.

“Did you just google space names?” Daisy asked.

“Little bit, yeah.” Ed said.

“Fair dos.” Ali said.

“How’re we gonna get her up to the dorm, Jems?” Daisy asked.

“I’ve got a towel. I think she’s probably too weak to struggle.” Jemma said.

“Dandy.” Ali murmured.

“Okay, I think she’s done.” Jemma said as the kitten started kicking herself.

“We should probably give her a minute, we don’t want her to be sick.” They sat watching the kitten for a little while, Ed utterly in awe of the tiny thing.

“Posmotri na sebya, chernaya zvezda.” (Look at you, black star) Ed cooed.

“Black star?” Daisy questioned, but Ed ignored her. She pattered slowly towards Ed, gods long like Bambi on ice. She butted her head against Ed’s hand, stumbling over her own legs as she went. Ed’s heart melted and she patted her tiny head, feeling her purr softly. Ed looked around at the others, beaming.

“The wee one’s taken quite a liking to you, Eddie.”

“Moya malenkaya chernaya zvezda.” (My little black star) Ed mumbled, grinning down at her. Jemma smiled at the pair, but forced herself out of the moment.

“Ed, do you want to wrap her up or should I?” She said quietly.

“Go ahead, Simmons, I don’t want to hurt her.” Ed said, watching as she mewed pitifully as Jemma scooped her up.

“Je sais, ma chérie, tu peux descendre bientôt.” (I know, sweetheart, you can get down soon) Jemma promised as she held her close to her chest. She meowed quietly, as though to tell Jemma to bugger off.

She carried her up to their dorm, the other 5 leading so they could get doors for them. They got a few strange looks from fellow students, but luckily avoided any faculty members. As Jemma had said, it technically wasn’t against the rules, but they doubted it was encouraged.

“You guys go ahead and get the windows.” Jemma said. Ideally they’d be able to close the bathroom door, but she didn’t want to cause Ed any grief.

Jemma followed shortly after them and put the bundle of fluff down on the blue rug that ran down the middle of the room. 

“I think her name’s Luna.” Bella said. Jemma and Daisy tilted their heads in sync, looking at the little cat taking her first steps around their dorm.

“Luna is Latin for moon, as well as the Roman Goddess of the moon.” Jemma said.

“I think it’s perfect.” Ed said decisively as she sat cross legged watching her.

“Xiǎo yuè shén.” (Little Luna, literal translation is Little Moon God). Daisy smiled fondly and sat down next to Ed.

“Tā hěn zhēnguì.” (She’s precious) Ed said.

“Nǐ de xiǎo hēi xīng.” (Your little black star) Daisy teased. Luna flopped onto her side, rolling around on the rug and rubbing her face against it. 

“English please.” Ali called from her bed where she was taking videos of them.

“Nǐ xué zhōngwén.” (You learn Chinese) Daisy just replied.

“Ili russkiy.” (Or Russian)

“O española.” (Or Spanish)

“Ou…”

“Yes, okay, we get it.” Jemma cut them off. Daisy pouted at her.

“We’re gonna teach xiǎo yuè shén all the languages.” Daisy decided.

“Ali and I only speak English, French and German.” Bella complained. They’d taken compulsory Mandarin and Russian in first year, but none of it had stuck.

“I only know English, French and Spanish.” Jemma said. Ed cleared her throat.

“Russian, Mandarin, French, Italian, Polish, Greek, some Zulu, Czech, Slovak, Sorbion and Latin.”

“Eds you forgot English.” Ali pointed out.

“That too.”

“Well, I got Mandarin, Russian, Ukrainian, some Jin and Catonese, French and Spanish.” Daisy said. 

“You forgot English, love.” 

“That too.”

“So in conclusion, the cat is going to speak more than double the amount of languages as me?” Ali asked and Daisy nodded her affirmation. 

“Super.”

“Look who’s home!” Ali said as her, Piper and Bella barged through the door carrying a rather disgruntled Luna in a cat carrier.

“Poor baby.” Ed cooed.

“Is she okay?” Daisy asked.

“She’s all good.” Piper said, smiling over to Daisy. 

“Excellent.” Daisy replied as she watched Luna stumble out of her carrier and yowl at Ed to pick her up so she could sit on her bed.

“Privet malenkaya Luna.” (Hey there, little Luna) Ed said excitedly as she picked the tiny cat up. Luna meowed quietly and settled herself in Ed’s lap. 

“Luna, mám místa, kde bych mohl být za minutu.” (Luna, I have places to be in a minute.) Ed laughed as she just settled herself further into the bed.

“What language is that?” Daisy asked as she scrunched up her nose.

“Czech.” Daisy raised an eyebrow.

“We said we were gonna teach her languages!” Ed said indignantly. 

“Alrighty, but it will be our fault when she doesn’t know any English.” Daisy pointed out before putting her headphones back on and continuing her work. Ed sat with Luna for a while, really needing Jemma to come in so she could take her. Ali and Bella had left with Piper just after they came in, and Daisy had left shortly after to go to the library.

“Jemma! Excellent, prends le chaton s'il te plait, j'ai une formation.” (Jemma! Excellent, take the kitten please, I have training.). Ed said when Jemma came in, already picking Luna up to give her to Jemma. 

“Ella a manger, et le vétérinaire a dit ça elle est bien.” (She’s eaten, and the vet said that she’s good.) Ed was handing Jemma Luna before she even had a chance to react.

“Oh, hi Fitz.” Ed said on her way out. 

“Jemma,” Fitz said slowly, as Jemma turned around with Luna in her arms.

“What the hell is that?” He whisper-yelled.

“Surprise?” She said timidly, Luna meowing up at Fitz as she did so.

“What do you mean surprise? It’s a cat! Why do you have a cat?” Fitz asked as he walked into the dorm and plopped himself on Jemma’s bed.

“Well we found her and she was all alone and starving and dehydrated and so we decided to keep her.” Jemma said as she sat next to him, putting Luna down on the bed. 

“Simmons, you can’t just take cats.” 

“Why not?”

“Because…” he started, realising he didn’t have a point. Luna walked over to him and butted his thigh. 

“What does it want?” He asked Jemma, festering down to his assailant.

“She probably wants you to stroke her.”

“No.” He said sternly down at Luna.

“You will not win me over with your tricks. You may have taken the girls, but me, I am strong.” He said, decidedly looking away from Luna. She meowed up at Jemma.

“Awe, lo sé, cariño. no te preocupes Fitzy, es un grinch.” (Awh, I know, sweetheart. Don’t mind Fitzy, he’s a grinch) Jemma said to her, patting her head. Luna turned back around anyway, walking over to Fitz and settling herself in his lap.

“I know what you’re doing.” He told Luna. She just meowed at him again before snuggling into him and going to sleep, purring gently. 

“Simmons, what’s she doing?” Fitz asked, hands in the air, eyes fixed on the tiny purring thing on him.

“It would seem that she’s winning you over with her evilness and trickery.” Jemma said. Fitz just frowned down at her before deciding that he’d make her some toys later, as well as kill everyone and himself if anything bad ever happened to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and it was all downhill from there.


	36. Ricochet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> K we're back at it with the angst now

“It’ll come to me, give me a minute.” Ed said, pinching her brow in frustration. She knew there was something that she was supposed to tell them. She just wasn’t 100% sure what.

“What’s it related to?” Jemma asked gently, not wanting Ed to get anymore upset.

“Uhhh.”

“School? S.H.I.E.L.D.? Bobbi?” Daisy suggested.

“Yes! Bobbi. She’s coming here on Saturday, with Trip.” Ed said, taking her hand away from her and smiling.

“Trip? New boyfriend?” Daisy asked.

“Nah, Hunter seems to be sticking around. Trip’s her friend from the academy.” Ed explained. She’d only met Trip once, back when Bobbi graduated. He was in hospital when Bobbi was, though Ed never actually saw him then. Bobbi was 21 now, which Ed still couldn’t quite wrap her head around. 

She looked different as well. Her hair used to be blonde, and long, but it was currently brown and stopped at her shoulders. Her cosy jumpers and graphic tees had been replaced by silky shirts and leather jackets. Bobbi was still 12 in Ed’s mind, she deserved more than S.H.I.E.L.D., than having her life constantly endangered. Ed still dreamt about it sometimes, about The Room, the hospital, the heart monitor. She’d wake up and take in the room around her as she slowly returned to reality, but that knot in her stomach still hadn’t untangled itself.

“Ok. It’ll be good to see Bobbi though.” Daisy hadn’t seen her since the hospital, but she knew better than to bring that up.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen her since before her injury.” Jemma said. Ed just smiled, nodding. She wished they wouldn’t talk about it, really. It wasn’t like she didn’t see it constantly, when she fired a gun, or the lights were too bright. It wasn’t like it didn’t haunt her, chasing her through consciousness and sleep, dancing behind her eyes wherever she went. It just didn’t help to be reminded that they knew, they’d lived through it too, but they were strong enough to be okay.

  
  


“Ey, malysh.” (Hey, little one.) Bobbi chuckled as Ed threw herself at her sister.

“YA na dyuym vyshe tebya.” (I’m an inch taller than you.) Ed replied into her shoulder.

“Mendax.” (Liar) Bobbi said. Ed furrowed her brow. 

“What language is that?” Ed knew it meant liar, she just wasn’t sure why she knew. Bobbi smirked.

“Latin.”

“ Kubonisa kuvaliwe.” (Show off) Ed said in Zulu, almost 100% confident that Bobbi didn’t speak that.

“Teper' kto vypendrivayetsya?” (Now who’s showing off?) Bobbi said, letting go of Ed who just stuck her tongue out at her. She turned to face Trip, smiling at him and bumping his fist.

“Hey, Morse.”

“Triplett.” She said, grinning shyly up at him. 

“I’ll take you upstairs, we’ve decorated since you were last here.” Ed said, spinning on her heel, tucking her hands into the pockets of her hoodie (technically Daisy’s, but who’s even counting anymore). It was grey and fluffy and Daisy wouldn’t notice. She had a pair of Bobbi’s old E.C.H.O. joggers on and black Nikes. Bobbi had a white button up on under a leather jacket and black jeans. Trip had a red t-shirt with blue jeans and a leather jacket. 

Bobbi followed her towards the dorm building, Trip following after, marveling at the school, its great buildings, the lake. He’d thought the academy had been cool, this was like something out of Harry Potter. 

They entered the dorm and Bobbi had to do a double take. She was used to bare walls and bras on the floor, not neat bookcases and rugs, posters on the walls and quiet people working. 

“It looks great!” She said, looking at each of their sections, smiling at Ed’s RBG posters.

“Are you ever gonna give me back my feminist agenda tshirt?” She asked. At her voice Daisy, Jemma and Fitz’s heads popped up from behind Ed’s bed and Ali looked up from her laptop.

“Bobbi!” They all cried, jumping up to greet her, Luna, now quite a bit bigger than she had been when they found her a month ago, following shortly after them. Daisy had a gray tank top on and blue cropped jeans, Jemma had a black skirt with a blue shirt, Fitz a blue plaid of Ed’s and green trousers, his nails painted green. Ali had a black and white striped top underneath an oversized navy blue t-shirt, both tucked into black cropped jeans, eyeliner outlining her bottom lid.

“Heya. This is Trip.” Bobbi said, gesturing to him. He waved his hand in greeting.

“Hey Trip! I’m Daisy.” She said, holding her hand out to him and he shook it.

“Hey, I’m guessing you’re May’s kid.” He said. She scowled a bit.

“How’d you know?” She asked.

“Zee, it’s on your t-shirt.” Ali said. Daisy had on a gray S.H.I.E.L.D. tee on with M.A.Y. stitched across the right breast.

“Oh..”

“I’m Ali.” Ali told him, offering her hand as well.

“Fitz.” Jemma said, gesturing to Fitz.

“Simmons.” Fitz said, doing the same, avoiding eye contact with Trip and fiddling nervously with his ear. He wasn’t sure whether it was the fact that he was meeting a new person, or the fact that the new person happened to be more than attractive, but he felt uneasy.

“Antoine Triplett.” He said, nodding to them both.

“And I guess you’re Luna.” He said, crouching down to scratch her ears. She jumped up to butt his hand, purring happily.

“How long are yous roundabout this way?” Ali asked. Bobbi shrugged.

“May’s off undercover somewhere, and Kara is who knows where, so Hill gave E.C.H.O. time off.” Bobbi said. Kara Palamas was the newest addition to her team, and just so happened to be the flakiest. She wasn't sure how May put up with her.

“If you’re staying overnight you need to tell Weaver.” Jemma chirped up.

“Will do, Simmons.” Trip said. He had been nervous to meet them, not quite sure what to say around a bunch of 15 year olds. From what Bobbi had told him, Fitzsimmons had sounded louder, Daisy more like her dad and Ali much more inappropriate than what he’d seen. Then again he’d only been here for 5 minutes.

“Wait, my mom’s undercover?” Daisy asked. Usually she said goodbye before she left. Bobbi nodded.

“Apparently it’s only for a month or something, the details are above my clearance level though.” Bobbi told her. Daisy’s stomach flipped. She hadn’t said goodbye. She’d call her dad later, maybe he’d know more. Jemma nudged her hand, smiling at her. Daisy just nodded to say she was fine.

“Heya.” Bella said as she walked in, sighing as she put her bag down before looking up in surprise at Bobbi and Trip.

“Bobbi! Hi! So glad you’re alright.” She said walking over to the group, oblivious to Bobbi and Ed’s flinches.

“Hey, Bella. This is Trip.”

“Heya Trip, how’s she cuttin’?” Bella asked, holding her hand out to him. He shook it, smiling at her.

“I’m alright, and yourself?” He asked in return. Ali looked at Bella and burst out laughing. Their favourite game was ‘let’s confuse the Americans’. It was no fun if they knew what they were on about. Bella started laughing, after the shock faded. 

“You guys wanna fill us in?” Daisy said slightly nervously.

“He understood.” Ali gasped between laughs, practically pissing herself. A realisation dawned on Daisy.

“So for the entirety of first year when you used slang the entire time, that was all just to amuse you?” She half shouted, undecided or whether she was exasperated or amused. Bella nodded, clutching her sides. Daisy turned to Fitzsimmons.

“You two were in on this as well, I assume.” They nodded guiltily and let out laughs that had been messily contained. Daisy pouted.

“I am not amused.” 

“How did you know what she meant anyways?” Bobbi asked Trip.

“Come on girl, you know I was undercover in Ireland for 3 months with 33.” Trip told her, looking at the children in literal shambles before him over an inside joke from 4 years ago.

“Sorry.” Ali said as she stood up again, wiping tears from her eyes, eyeliner smudging a little. 

“It was very funny at the time.” Jemma said. Daisy huffed, looking at Ed.

“Were you in on this?” Ed scoffed.

“May, I barely spoke for the first year. Anyway, I’m not British.” She pointed out.

“You two always speak anything that isn't English anyway. We needed to have our own fun.” Bella said. Daisy just rolled her eyes at them.

“Do you guys have any more classes?” Bobbi asked.

“I have a lecture later with Ali.”

“Fitzy and I need to work on H.E.N.R.Y.”

“I have a seminar.”

“I have a strat meeting.” Ed, Jemma, Bella and Daisy all said at once. 

“I’ll take that as a no then.” Bobbi answered, chuckling a bit. 

“I’ll show Trip down and meet you all for dinner later?” they nodded their agreement and headed their separate ways, Luna settling herself on Ed’s rug. Bobbi watched them as they went, the six 15 year olds who still seemed 11. It felt like last week she’d led them up those stairs for the first time, since she’d given them their first S.H.I.E.L.D. IDs (most of which had been long since lost). It was a lifetime away really. So much had happened, they’d all grown up. They were people now, their own people, and she couldn't be prouder of them, really, but some part of her grieved for them; for their childhoods, for how brief they were, how they could be her in 6 years; unwaveringly loyal but damaged because of it.

She’d seen so much pain already, so much loss, even been at the receiving end of the damage S.H.I.E.L.D. left in its wake. She didn’t want that for Edie, for any of them. The damage was done, she knew that, but it didn’t mean it anguished her any less. She was different to who she’d been, and she knew Ed saw it. She knew she noticed how she flinched at loud noises, how when it had rained back home she hadn’t been able to go out, the feeling of it on her skin reminding her too much of that night. She noticed Ed as well, how she kept the lights off, how when their mom’s phone beeped she jumped, looking around for Bobbi as though to check she was really there. It hurt her, that Ed had been hurt as a result of S.H.I.E.L.D., as a result of her.

  
  
  


_ She was burning, all of her, every cell in her body on fire, convulsing, spitting acid, putrid to its very core. It was agony, to live, how desperately she wanted to let go, to be at peace, to stop the burning. Her flames danced around her, engulfing her. They sounded like cries, shouts, indistinguishable from those of war. It smelt like rain, and it dawned on her that she was wet, chilled to the bone, at one with the flames, a cold kind of burn, the kind that was so hot it froze you. Rain was falling on her, her hair soaked, hands shaking, burning everywhere, but in 2 places, and also nowhere. She was burning, it was a part of her, she would forever be entangled with it, forever burning, forever cold. This night would follow her forevermore. _

Bobbi jerked awake, reaching for her gun in her bedside table and collapsing back against her pillows as she realised there was no threat other than her own mind, her own screams, her own wounds. Her fingers brushed over her core, she could've sworn she could still feel burning in her stomach, the blind pain. She sighed, running her cold hands over her forehead, closing her eyes and snapping them open again when the image behind her eyes was her own screaming. She sat up again, getting out of bed and slipping a hoodie on over her sports bra and shorts, heading down to the gym to punch it out, gun tucked in her waistband. She jogged downstairs, counting steps as she went. Her and Trip had been given a room each in the faculty members’ block, just behind the library. She made her way to the gym block, hands in pockets, hair tickling her chin annoyingly, but she lacked the motivation to brush it away. 

She practically punched in the code, already fed up, really just wanting to punch the shit out of something. Her go-to used to be shooting, she’d found it calming, but since her injury it was harder to shoot a gun for a mission, let alone for fun. May had been working with her on it for a while after she was out of rehab, but she was who knows where now. She heard a gunshot around the corner and instinctively grabbed for her gun, one hand grasping the handle tightly as she turned the corner just to see Ed there, shooting a gun herself. Bobbi admired her for a minute, her form, her confidence, her aim, before interrupting her. 

“You know it’s like 3am, right?” Ed sighed, putting the safety on and putting the gun down, expecting to see Daisy behind her. 

“Couldn’t sleep.” she said simply.

“Aren’t you too young to use these unsupervised?” Bobbi asked, passing Ed her water and sitting against the wall.

“I’m fine, I do this all the time.” She told her, taking a sip of her drink.

“Why?” Bobbi knew the answer. It was the same as hers.

“Because I can’t sleep.” Ed admitted, fiddling with the toggle on her sweater.

“Neither can I. Not since this.” She said, gesturing to her stomach. Ed nodded.

“Well, we’re quite a pair.” Ed said. 

“That we are.” Bobbi agreed.

“Our poor mother.” Ed said, smiling a bit at the thought of home.

“How did she put up with us for a whole summer?” Bobbi asked, thinking about what a wreck she’d been last summer.

“Oh, the poor woman.” Ed laughed.

“So many midnight tears, from me, anyway.”

“And from me.” Ed thought about how her mother had cradled her as she sobbed, unable to do anything or even relate to the two of them, but stayed strong all the way through. 

“I’m okay, you know. Or I’m more okay than I was. And… And I’m sorry you had to see that, all of it.” Bobbi said gently, reaching for Ed’s hand as the younger girl looked away from her sister at the thought of all she’d seen. The Room, the lights, Bobbi’s body, but it was more than that. The months after, the anxiety, her only comfort being the fact that she was safely at The Hub. The summer when Bobbi’d been there, the screams that came from her room that Ed longed to ignore, how the rain would weigh her down, the quiet stretches when she wouldn’t make any noise at all.

“It’s okay.” Ed said through her tears. Bobbi pulled her into her chest and held her there, realising for the first time in almost a year just how much she’d missed her sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!


	37. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I promise promise promise that this is necessary to the plot

“I don’t see you here much anymore.” Ed said as she walked in to Daisy doing sit ups against the wall. After Bobbi had gotten shot and the whole debacle with her and Daisy, Ed had spent more time in the gym. It was a good place to both avoid Daisy and punch things instead of having to feel. Daisy stopped and turned to face Ed, tightening her ponytail. She had a black tank top and a pair of running shorts on.

“I haven’t heard from my mom since before Bobbi was here in April. That’s an entire month.” 

“What about your dad?” Ed asked as she went to get herself a hand wrap, pulling off her jumper to reveal a black sports bra which she wore with black three quarter length leggings. 

“He can't tell me anything. It’s all super duper classified.” Daisy said with a sigh, taking a hand wrap for herself and stepping into the ring with Ed who gave her a questioning eyebrow.

“You know I train 3 hours a day on top of my classes?” 

“Go easy on me then.” She said, punching her own fists together.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. would’ve told you if the op had gone south.” Ed said as she easily dodged Daisy’s first punch. 

“Their definition of ‘south’ is quite liberal. It's been 6 weeks.” Daisy replied as she grabbed Ed’s hand and tried to flip her over, only for her to flip into it and pull Daisy with her, rendering Daisy back down on the floor.

“If anything awful has happened you would know.” Ed said firmly as she offered Daisy a hand.

“I’m just not ready to lose her.” Daisy said as she got up and tidied herself up a bit, tightening her ponytail.

“Of course not.” Ed replied. You could never be ready. She knew that first hand. There was never a good way to say goodbye.

“I told her about me and you, what happened with us. And I told her about… About Jemma. I’m not ready to lose that yet, my relationship with her.” Daisy confessed. That weekend she’d spent with her mom had been precious, and despite the awfulness of heartbreak, it had been nice. Nice to just cuddle up with her and watch trashy movies under piles of blankets through randomly dispersed waves of tears. 

“You need her, it’s understandable.” Ed said, flipping Daisy over in a single move. She wasn’t angry at her for what had happened, she had been though. Angry at her for being right there and yet still miles away. Angry at her for having feelings for Jemma, angry at her for trying to kid herself otherwise. It came back in that moment, Ed’s own pain, her resentment. Daisy picked herself up off the floor to face her.

“I miss her.” She said, blushing a bit as she looked down nervously, before putting her hands back up in defence. 

“Again, understandable. She’ll be okay.” Ed said as she dodged a smart kick.

“So will you.” She said gently before kicking her back, just for Daisy to grab her leg and flip her.

“I know, it’s just hard.” Ed nodded, grimacing a bit as she got up. They fought properly for longer, mostly in silence other than the blasting music and occasional teasing from Ed at how bad Daisy had gotten. On their way back to the dorm Daisy stopped suddenly. 

“I’m sorry.” She just said. Ed stopped to face her.

“Gonna need specifics, Dee.” 

“For everything. For me, for Jemma.” 

“Daisy…” Ed started, shaking her head. She was over her, she’d been over her for months now, after half a year of avoiding Daisy, dodging eye contact, flinching away from her touch. 

“No, I never said it, and that was wrong, but I am sorry.” Ed nodded.

“Apology very much accepted.” She said, hands busy tapping her thighs. Daisy nodded. It had been on her mind for a while, the whole situation with Ed last year. She’d been angry at her for a while, angry at her for wanting it but not taking it. She’d thought about Jemma a lot recently, which was rather impressive as she already thought about her all the time. She wondered if her feelings for Jemma would always be guilt ridden after Ed, which is how she’d gotten around to her apology, or rather the one she’d never gotten to say. She’d practiced it, perfecting it for nights at a time. It was supposed to be a speech, a grand gesture, a heartfelt monologue. It hadn’t quite turned out that way.

“Hey, dad, what’s up?” Daisy asked as she picked up the phone, shushing Ali and Jemma as her stomach dropped. How she wished it wasn’t bad news. 

“Hey, Zee. Mom’s back from undercover.” Daisy let out a sigh of relief.

“That’s great! When are you coming down?” She always saw her after.

“That’s the thing, she needs a bit of recovery time, Daisy, but I promise, she will be okay.” The breath she’d just let out tightened in her chest once more.

“Well why? What’s happened? Is she okay?” She spilled, not really wanting to know the answer for fear of what it was.

“She’s alive.”

“Better or worse than Bahrain?” Daisy asked quietly, walking out of the dorm for some privacy. 

“Incomparable.” 

“Come pick me up.” Daisy said calmly, her heart racing.

“Daisy…”

“Come pick me up, dad, or I’ll get Bobbi to do it.” Daisy repeated, nausea filling her, fear wrenching her stomach. 

“Agent Morse is already on her way.” She hung up, storming back into the dorm and kicking her bed, tears of frustration already spilling down her cheeks. Jemma jumped up at the noise, rushing over to Daisy and putting her hands on her shoulders.

“Dais, hey Daisy, look at me.” Jemma said calmly but loudly. Daisy turned around and Jemma bundled her into a hug, holding her friend closely as she wept.

“Bad news?” Jemma asked.

“I need to call Bobbi.” Was all Daisy said.

“Okay, do you want us to stay?” Daisy looked around, wondering who us was, when she remembered Ali was still there. 

“You’re alright.” Was all she said before taking out her phone and calling Bobbi.

“Morse, what the hell’s going on?” Daisy shouted desperately down the phone.

“Daisy, good, I’m coming to get you, be ready.” Bobbi said, the roaring of a quinjet in the background.

“Bobbi, what the hell?” 

“Your mom is asking for you, and you deserve…” Bobbi’s voice broke.

“You deserve a chance to say goodbye.” 

“No, no, Bobbi, please.” Daisy begged, running a hand through her hair. She couldn’t say goodbye, not yet, not when there was so much she wanted to tell her, so much they had left to do.

“Please, Bobbi.” She whispered.

“I’m sorry, May. Be ready in 30 minutes.” Bobbi hung up. Daisy looked to Jemma, eyes scared as a child.

“I can’t lose her.” Was all Daisy could manage before Jemma pulled her back into a hug, shushing her quietly, humming to her.

“You won’t. It’s probably a precaution, a break glass in case of an emergency type of situation, like when Hunter had to come get Ed when Bobbi was shot. Bobbi was okay, and your mum will be as well. She’ll be okay.” Jemma tried, knowing her promise was weak. At least she was here this time, at least she could be there with Daisy, to hold her hand, to stroke her hair. In a totally platonic just friends not at all in love kind of way. Luna brushed by her leg and Daisy picked her up, cuddling the kitten close to her.

“Hi, little moon.” Daisy whispered. She couldn’t bring herself to speak Chinese, not now. Ed frantically burst into the dorm, pushing her way towards Daisy and hugging her tightly.

“Bobbi just told me.” Daisy nodded, letting Ed hold her for a second. The last time they’d seen each other been less than half an hour ago, and since then her world had crumbled around her. Her dad hadn’t told her what had happened, but he sounded scared. More scared than she knew was possible.

“She’ll be okay, Daisy. S.H.I.E.L.D. have all sorts of tech, and your mom’s level 8.” Ed said as she pulled back, scratching Luna’s head. Daisy nodded, turning to face Jemma instead of Ed . She didn’t need her right now. Jemma laid a hand in her shoulder, like Fitz had almost this time last year. So much had changed since then. A year ago her and Daisy were awkward, they could barely look each other in the eye, Jemma cringed away from her touch, scolding herself for her feelings. Now they were together again, the unspoken awfulness neither pushed away or ignored, but dealt with quietly, gradually. Daisy placed her hand over Jemma, smiling quietly.

“I need to pack.” She said, not moving. Jemma moved instead, getting Daisy’s rainbow tote bag from her drawers, Ed following shortly after, stopping Jemma in her tracks, keeping a careful eye on Daisy. 

“Take care of our girl, Jemma.” Ed just said quietly, her knee bouncing. Jemma nodded.

“I will.” She promised.

Daisy moved to get her bunny off her bed and burst into tears all over again, holding him close to her chest. He’d been a gift from her mom when she came back from 4 months undercover when Daisy was 4.

“Hey, Zee, can you look at me?” Ali asked. Daisy turned around.

“She’s going to be fine.” Ali nodded, smiling at her.

“She’s going to be just fine.” She said, pulling Daisy into another hug, her bunny tucked between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I’m not jsut hurting them for fun, it is important, I promise 
> 
> Also sorry.


	38. The Time We Have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> honestly, this could've been angstier

Daisy pulled Jemma’s black hoodie tighter around herself, its smell comforting. She had black jeans on underneath the hoodie, as well as her docs. Jemma stood next to her (because of course she was coming with her), blue floral shirt tucked into black trousers, Bella’s white trainers underneath, a green bandana tied around her head. They watched as Bobbi landed the quinjet on the lawn, and walked for what seemed to be hours to meet her. Daisy’s legs felt weak, heavy like led, they shuddered beneath her.

“Hey, May.” Bobbi said, pulling Daisy’s into a one armed hug.

“Hey, Morse.” Daisy’s voice was hoarse.

“She’s at a MedFac in France.” Daisy nodded, taking Jemma’s hand and following Bobbi onto the quinjet. They sat next to each other in the back, bunny still tucked under Daisy’s arm. 

“It should only be a half hour flight.” Bobbi called from the cockpit. Jemma nodded, squeezing Daisy’s hand. Daisy laid her head on Jemma’s shoulder, burying her face in her shirt. Jemma kissed her forehead gently, silent tears spilling from her eyes for the first time that day. 

“S.H.I.E.L.D 218 demander à atterrir” (requesting to land) Bobbi said over the radio.

“You’re all good, Morse.” Coulson called from the other end. Bobbi landed the quinjet, Daisy rushed down to greet her dad, the maytime heat hanging over her. She hugged him, his eyes tired and bloodshot.

“How is she?” Daisy asked, her voice weak and scared.

“She’s hanging in there. She was asking for you a while ago, she’s asleep right now.” He told her, his familiar voice washing over her.

“Can I see her?” He just nodded, pulling away from Daisy to greet Jemma and Bobbi before leading the younger two down from the roof. 

“Your mom found some important intel undercover, Agent Morse is needed up at Theseus Base.” Daisy just nodded, his words going straight over her head. 

“Take me to my mom.” Was all she said, her face stony. He nodded, leading them through the hospital to her room. Daisy looked at her, her hair spread around her head, her eyes closed, plugged into who knows how many machines (Jemma probably knew, she could probably say what they all did). She walked over to her, taking her hand silently, sitting cross legged on the floor by her bed. 

“Jemma, do you want to go get some drinks?” Coulson asked. Jemma nodded, following him out of the room leaving Daisy alone with her mom. 

She sniffed, brushing her unspilled tears away. 

“Hēi, xiǎohuā.” a tired voice said. Daisy looked up to her mom, her eyes still closed, but a small smile spread across her lips. Daisy flung herself at her, holding onto her. 

“Zee, wǒ bù shì yào nǐ lái zhèlǐ liú lèi.” (Zee, I didn’t ask you to come here for bedside tears) her mom said, patting her daughters back all the same.

“What then?” 

“S.H.I.E.L.D. is going to change a lot very soon, and I need you to understand that anything I do, I do for you.” That gave her pause. What did she mean? Why was S.H.I.E.L.D. changing? What had happened undercover?

“What happened to you there?” She asked tentatively.

“Undercover?” Daisy nodded.

“I’m fine, this,” she said gesturing to her stomach, “Is nothing. But a storm is coming, xiǎohuā, and you need to be ready.” Daisy nodded. She didn’t understand, but she nodded. 

“Wǒ xūyào zuò shénme?” (What do I need to do?)

“Start training with the young Morse again, she’s built up a reputation in big S.H.I.E.L.D. already. Take care of Jemma, spend time with her, don’t let her go, not again.” Daisy shifted uncomfortably but her mom took her hand.

“You love her, xiǎohuā, and you need to stop kidding yourself otherwise.” Daisy’s stomach twisted.

“I don’t want to hurt her like I hurt Ed.” She confessed quietly. Her mom smiled.

“Life is short, you never know how much time you have left. Go to Simmons.” May said, voice slightly teasing, mouth set in a smirk.

“Simmons isn’t going anywhere.” Daisy resolved. Her mom looked away.

“Simmons isn’t going anywhere, right?” No. She almost lost her mom (or so she thought, this ‘life threatening injury’ was really rather underwhelming) she couldn’t lose Jemma too. 

“Use the time you have.” Was all she said before Jemma and Phil reentered the room. 

“Hi, May, it’s good to see you.” Jemma said warmly. What was with her change of tone?

“How have you been, Simmons?” He asked as they walked to the cafe.

“Um, I’ve been fine, thank you.” She said, slightly confused.

“That’s good to hear.” He smiled. They reached the counter and Jemma ordered (Phil didn’t speak any French).

“Uh, salut. Pouvons-nous avons un café noir, un latté, un thé anglais et un thé vert s’il te plaît?” (Uh, hi, can we have a black coffee, a latte, an English tea and a green tea, please?) 

“Is May going to be okay? It’s just, I’ve been promising Daisy that she will be all day, and I couldn’t bear for her to lose her mum.” Jemma suddenly blurted out.

“Melinda will be okay, she’s been through worse. It was looking bad when she first came back yesterday, everything was a bit touch and go for 12 hours, but her vitals are stable now. She’s already getting fed up with being in bed.”

“She came back yesterday? Why didn’t Daisy find out then?” Phil looked down.

“She found some important intel, it needed to be sorted. It wasn’t any time or place for kids. S.H.I.E.L.D. is changing, and we need to be prepared.” Jemma nodded, not really understanding.

“Simmons, just promise me you’ll look after her.” He pleaded, finally looking Jemma in the eye. She nodded again, this time with more confidence. If she could do anything with absolute certainty, it was looking after Daisy May.

They joined them back in the room, drinks were passed around. Jemma kept a careful eye on Daisy, how she was watching the heart monitor like a hawk, how she was cautious of her mother’s every movement. She thought about Coulson’s plea, what he’d asked her. Of course she would look after Daisy, there was never any doubt about that, but why now? Why specifically did she need to be looked out for? There was something going on in S.H.I.E.L.D., and Jemma suspected it might change everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you it was necessary to the plot


	39. Am I A Selfish Dreamer?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst.

I’m glad you’re dead. I’m sorry if that came out harsher than intended, but I’m sure you understand the sentiment. I’m glad you’re dead because I’ll never have to lose you, never have to go through the pain of knowing that I’ll never see you again, that I’ll never talk to you again, that I’ll never hear your voice again.

Today I watched Daisy break down at the mere thought of losing her mum. I watched her cry and shout and kick things, I listened to her beg Bobbi, refusing to accept the possibility of loss. May is fine, but I’ll never forget the terror in Daisy’s eyes, how she cried on my shoulder. I’m glad that I’ll never feel that loss with you, that you’re already gone, that I mourned you without getting a chance to know you. 

Phil asked me to look after her. I think bad things are coming. I already let Daisy slip away from me once, I watched as what we had disintegrated, painfully powerless to do anything about it. If anything happened to her now I wouldn’t know what to do. She’s my family, my best friend, my love. I can’t lose her without her knowing that.

I was going to tell her on the last day of term last summer, and then when we saw Ophiuchus this year, or at Christmas last year when she gave me my necklace. I want to tell her, so badly. I want to hold her hand and for it to mean something, to kiss her lips rather than her cheek, to know that when my heart flutters at her touch, hers is doing the same. 

Fitz knows, of course. He was there when I found it about what was happening at S.E.R.P.E.N.T., when I was helpless to do anything. We talked about it in the lab the day after, about her. I think he knew before I told him, maybe even before I did (not that I was subtle, nor was she). He moved in with me and mum over the summer, and came home with me over Easter to get Luna spayed. It’s nice having him there, someone who can understand my science rants or my random ocean facts rather than how mum just nods along. 

He’s got his own room at our house and everything, the spare one that mum told me was supposed to be for my little sibling. In a way Fitz is that, I suppose. I don’t understand what Ali and Bella have, but with Fitz I love him unconditionally, but also I won’t hesitate to gut him if he touches my things in lab. We talk about Daisy a lot, or he teases me about my (apparently not as covert as previously believed) gay panic whenever around, or how I blush when she calls me Jems.

Everyone keeps telling me that she feels the same; Fitz, Ali, even her dad for Christ’s sake. I wouldn’t know what to do if she did. It’s been so long of just pining after her, of becoming comfortable in the pain of her unattainability, of enforcing my theory of ‘I can’t lose her so I can never have her’.

I wonder sometimes what we’d be like. How I could be different around her, how today I could’ve kissed her, held her, told her I loved her. I dream of kissing under Ophiuchus, of holding her hand at the top of a Ferris wheel, of dressing up as some stupid couple for Halloween. 

Sometimes I wonder if it’s greedy of me to dream, to long for her, for more, when she’s already right there. Maybe I should take what I can get, and forget what I’m not willing to sacrifice us for. Maybe I’m being stupid, and telling her wouldn’t ruin us, wouldn’t ruin what we already have, but would lead to evolution, to more happiness than I currently let myself conceive of.

Then she looks at me, and I look back at her, her brown eyes creased with a smile. I look her in the eye, and maybe, just maybe, she could feel the same. She smiles at me and I wonder if she’s thinking the same, feeling the same. Her hand brushes mine and my heart leaps and I wonder if it could’ve been intentional, if she could be as addicted to the rush of my skin against hers as I am. The possibility of us sharing something, of these feelings being reciprocated is just within reach, just for a moment, and just like that it’s over, she looks away, and I’m just her friend again. 

I used to feel like I knew her, the real her, all of her deep, dark gritty bits, all of her soft, light bits. Now it feels like she’s closed parts of herself off from me, like I’ve been pushed out of her life. I sometimes entertain the possibility that she’s trying to do the same thing as me, that she shut me out for fear of losing me, but I don’t think I could ever be worth that much to her. I don’t think she could ever need me as much as I need her, want me as much as I want her. Maybe I don’t complete her like she does me, and maybe I’ll have to live knowing that I won’t ever be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what's coming next time? You guessed it, more angst.
> 
> Sidenote, I'm 2 chapters away from finished this story??? what??? that's insane??? (just to be clear, y'all still have like 13 chapters left to read :D)


	40. If I Met Myself Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was supposed to be fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for underage drinking and a brief mention of self harm.
> 
> Again, it was supposed to be fluff.

“Did they arrive?” Daisy asked excitedly as Jemma and Fitz approached. Jemma nodded excitedly, holding out a piece of paper, Fitz pulling out one of his own. Daisy jumped up to hug her.

“Congratulations, Jems!” She squealed. Jemma pulled away, leaning her forehead against Daisy’s.

“That’s Dr. Jemma Simmons, PhD to you, Daisy May.” Jemma said, unable to hide her own excitement. 2 years of work, of study sessions in the library, of coursework and crying in the lab, and finally they’d done it. The two youngest PhD students of S.H.I.E.L.D. Prep ever, and they’d get a second one next year when they graduated. 

“I’m proud of you.” Daisy said, Jemma held her breath to stop from crying. She could hear Fitz being congratulated, see Ed hugging him from the corner of her eye, but she wasn’t quite ready to let go of Daisy yet. 

Daisy held her close, heart racing out of pride for her friend. She could feel her breath on her neck, how she had her hand entangled in her hair, how she was supporting Jemma, the smaller girl standing on shaky tip toes. Maybe her heart was racing because of a little more than pride for Jemma.

Jemma and Fitz had been called to reception an hour ago, they’d all been on the lawn messing around with Luna. She’d taken up the habit of chasing butterflies and it was excessively cute. Piper was with them, they’d been around a lot more since finally meeting Daisy. She liked them, they were fun. They made Ali happier, which was all that mattered really. They’d be leaving for the academy at the end of the year, as had been stressed by Ali through many tearful nights of ‘I just found them, I can’t believe they have to go” and promises from Piper of “I’ll visit all the time”.

“Doctor Simmons, would you like a drink?” Ali asked, sitting back down on the ground. Jemma finally pulled away, keeping hold of Daisy’s hand. 

“What do you have?” 

“Uhhh, we have lemonade, apple juice, coke, and cider.” Jemma considered her options.

“Alcoholic cider?” 

“Aye it is.” Ali confirmed.

“I’ll have lemonade please.” Jemma decided. She wasn’t allowed to drink for another few months, and even then someone with her had to be 18. Ali passed her a can, handing everyone else what they wanted. Piper, Ali and Daisy had cider, Ed and Jemma had lemonade, Fitz and Bella stuck with apple juice. 

“Things have changed since the last time we did this.” Daisy said, looking over the lake, the water glistening under the July sun. She was wearing black denim shorts and converse, a black and white plaid shirt tucked into them. Ali had convinced her to dye her hair after her mom had been in hospital, her theory being ‘it’s what we dykes do. Trauma, hair dye; more trauma, more hair dye.” 

She now had blue streaks in her hair, it went down to her shoulder blades usually, but was currently tied up. Jemma was laying in her lap, her light brown hair down, freckles exaggerated more than usual thanks to the sun. She wore a short sleeved blue shirt and a blue checkered skirt, her nails painted a light pink, Ophiuchus necklace dangling from her neck. 

Fitz was next to Daisy, wearing a green monkey t-shirt, blue denim shorts and sunglasses, nails painted a scrappy yellow by Jemma. Ed was leaning against him listening to music, their arms linked. She had a yellow cropped tank top with blue denim shorts, her blonde hair now with light green streaks (also courtesy of Ali) braided down her back. Bella was sitting in between her legs, leaning on Ed’s chest. The pink had washed out of her hair a while ago, it was now baby blue, the same as her trainers. She wore frog earrings that Jemma had given her for Christmas the year before, a white shirt and pastel blue shorts.

Ali, Piper and Luna were in front of them, their backs to the lake, Piper laying in Ali’s lap, wearing a S.H.I.E.L.D. baseball cap, black knee length denim shorts and red plaid. Ali wore black fishnets under black denim shorts, a tank top with a skull on it and a few chain necklaces. She’d let Jemma paint her nails black, and had done her eyeliner (slightly shakily), her hair had silver and blue streaks in it. Luna was sitting comfortably in Piper’s lap, sleeping.

“Last time we did this we were 12.” Jemma replied, so much behind her words. Last time they’d done this they’d been so much happier, less damaged by the world, by S.H.I.E.L.D.. 

“Last time we did this yous three were still in the closet.” Ali said, gesturing to Fitzsimmons and Daisy. 

“Last time we did this we were different people.” Ed said quietly. Fitz gave her hand a squeeze. She thought about her 12 year old self, how her only concerns had been Daisy, the bathroom door and various martial art tests. How she hadn’t seen her sister half dead in a hospital bed, how that seemed impossible until it happened. 

“So much hadn’t happened yet.” Bella said, thinking about everything she’d watched them go through. They didn’t have Luna, Daisy’s mum hadn’t been shot, Bobbi hadn’t been shot, Ed was smitten with Daisy, Daisy was in denial about Jemma, Jemma was still too English to tell Daisy how she felt (although that hadn’t changed), Fitz hadn’t moved in with Jemma, hadn’t met Trip. Daisy and Ed hadn’t kissed. Simpler times, she thought.

“What would you tell them, our little 12 year old selves?” Fitz pondered. He knew what he’d say. He’d tell himself to stay strong, that he didn’t have to be scared, that brighter times were coming.

The first thing that came to Daisy’s mind was Jemma’s name. That didn’t mean much really, she still knew Jemma then. She supposed she’d tell herself to leave Ed alone, spare them both the pain. Maybe she’d tell her to tell Jemma how she felt. She knew full well that her current self could (and had) heard that a million times and was still no more inclined to tell her, fear of letting go taking her over whenever the opportunity arose.

Jemma would tell herself to tell Daisy how she felt, which she knew was definitely still applicable to her present self. She wasn’t sure what was holding her back really. If Daisy didn’t feel the same it probably wouldn’t end badly, their friendship wouldn’t end. Maybe the real fear was that Daisy did feel the same, that this one admission would change things exponentially, and Jemma wasn’t ready for that. Change was scary enough, but change that threatened their friendship, put it at risk for what could be a terrible idea, well that terrified Jemma. 

Ed would tell herself to call her sister. She’d tell herself to stop torturing herself over someone she can never have, and call Bobbi. Savour every moment with her because one day, it’ll come terrifyingly close to the end. She’d tell herself that she might be a million miles away from everyone, and her separation from the world may seem interminable, but as your world collapses around you it’s hard not to become part of it. It would take the worst thing imaginable, it would result in years of nightmares and anxious calls to Bobbi to make sure she’s still there, but she would be a part of their world. 

Ali would tell herself that brighter days were coming. She wouldn’t tell herself that something was wrong with her, or that she needed to fix herself; she already knew both of those things. She knew that she shouldn’t be waking up everyday wanting to be encased in the sweet heaviness of sleep. She knew that she shouldn’t get off on the sting that came when she scratched her arms, that she shouldn’t want to feel so badly that she resorted to pain. She knew she needed to get better, but she didn’t know that she could. She’d tell herself that she was capable of it, that it would happen, that she just needed to wait herself out, that they were coming, and they’d make her better. 

“No idea.”

“I’d tell her she’s gay, just to see how she reacts.”

“Haven’t the foggiest.”

“I’d make up some right old bull shite about S.H.I.E.L.D. going to war or some shite.” 

“I’d tell her she’s the only one in the dorm who likes exclusively men.”

“I’d tell her that her mom is fine and her dad’s too vague about everything.” Daisy said, disgruntled. 

“She did get shot, Daisy.” Jemma pointed out. Daisy scoffed.

“Please, I’ve looked worse after a workout than she did in that hospital. I probably looked sicker than she did, sitting there sipping her tea, perfectly bloody fine, gunshot wound and all.” Daisy grumbled.

“Well at least she’s okay.” Jemma said, fiddling with her hair.

“Aye, apart from that super vague warning yous got from her mammy and pops.” Ali said. They’d talked about it a lot, theorising about what was to come.

“Whatever that is, it can’t be good. She gave me the ‘everything I do, I do for you’ speech.” Daisy had only heard that once before, back when she was 8 and her mom went off undercover. 

“Have you heard anything, Piper?” Bella asked. 

“There was some commotion up at the academy when I was there the other day, but I didn’t get a good look in.” They said. 

“Well when you move up there you can tell us some more of the craic, aye babes?” Ali asked.

“Sure.” They agreed, fussing Luna’s head. In truth, they knew that when they got to the academy everything would probably be super duper classified, but they could try. 

“Fitz are you staying down with me the whole summer?” Jemma asked. Her mum had just texted her asking.

“Uh, if that’s okay with you and your mum, I don’t want to be any trouble or anything, I’m sorry, I don’t want to…” Ed placed a finger over his lips. 

“Fitz, honey sweetie baby, don’t apologise.” She shushed. Jemma giggled and texted her mum telling her they could expect him for the whole summer.

“She says she’s looking forward to having you.” Jemma told him. Ed took her finger off his lips.

“Thanks, Simmons.” He nodded.

“She wants to know if pizza is okay for tonight, she wants to take us out to celebrate. I'll tell her it is?” She asked and he just nodded again.

“You’re taking the wee one home, aren’t you Jay?” Bella checked.

“Yeah, mum’s absolutely smitten.” She said, not looking up from her phone.

“Where are you gonna be this summer, Zee?” Jemma asked, looking up to Daisy as she put her phone away.

“Going to stay in China with yéyé and nǎinai. They don’t want me at any of the bases, everything is too chaotic at the moment, apparently.” She said, fiddling with her daisy necklace.

“Our mammy’s sending us off to her house in France for the summer.” Bella said. She didn’t mind the France house, although the Canada one was nicer.

“Is there any country in which you don’t have a house?” Fitz asked.

“Most countries, actually.” Bella said matter of factly.

“What about you, Eds, where are you gonna be?” Bella asked.

“Bobbi isn’t coming home this summer, so I think mom and I are going to Italy for a couple weeks, then to see my grandparents in Spain, and then we’ll be back in the states.” Ed told them. 

“Neat.” Daisy said. She was annoyed at her parents for shipping her off to China for the holidays. She barely ever got to see them during term time, and she loved being at The Hub with them. She hadn’t seen her Aunt Maria for a year. Ed nodded. 

She’d miss Bobbi this summer. It was the first one they’d be spending apart; last year Bobbi had been home because she couldn’t be out in the field, and all the years previous she’d still been in school. 

“Your mom will probably see more of Bobbi than I will.” Ed pointed out.

“And vice versa.” Daisy replied, taking a sip of her cider.

“What time is everyone leaving?” Jemma asked after a beat.

“Mammy’s sending a car at 4, so we’ve got another half hour.” Ali said.

“My dad’s gonna be here at the same time to see me off to the academy.” Piper said.

“My mom’s coming to take me over in a few minutes.” Daisy said, making no effort to move.

“Fitz, mum’s going to be here in an hour.” Jemma told him.

“I don’t know when my mom’s coming.” Ed said, also making no effort to move or check.

“Shouldn’t you get going, Zee?” Bella asked. Daisy shrugged.

“Not like she’s going anywhere.” Jemma shifted a bit in her lap so she could pick at the grass. Daisy brushed her hair behind her ear, making Jemma’s heart flip a little. 

“Isn’t it a bit mean to make her wait?” Fitz asked.

“It’s a bit mean not letting me stay with them.” She grumbled in return.

“I’m sure she has her reasons.” Piper said.

“Shhh, we don’t side with parents in this house.” Ali told them, putting a finger over their lips which they promptly bit, making her squeal. Daisy’s phone rang, she picked it up with a sigh. 

“I’m here, xiǎohuā.”

“Māmā lùshàng.” (On my way, mom). She replied, still not getting up. 

“I wouldn’t piss off your mom, Daisy. She’s scary.” Piper said. Daisy wrinkled her nose, sighing and moving from under Jemma who whined at the loss of contact.

“See you guys in September then.” She said, giving Jemma a quick hug before leaving.

“I’ll miss this.” Fitz said as he watched her go.

“So will we, Fitzy.”


	41. Harry and Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is not my favourite, but it's pretty important, so please bear with

“She’s okay?” He asked as she returned to mission control.

“My mother let her fire a gun.” May replied, seething.

“She what?” Phil asked, his heart racing from anxiety.

“Possibly the clumsiest, most forgetful child, and she let her hold and fire a gun.” May replied, nodding. God, was she going to kill her mother.

“She didn’t hurt herself?” Hill asked.

“She’s fine, but my mom won’t be when I get- ”

“Great, okay, back to the matter at hand then?” She interrupted. May nodded, sitting back down in her spinny chair next to Phil. They were in a tactics meeting with Hill, Hand, Hartley and Weaver.

“Okay, so far we know that there’s some sort of organisation deep within our ranks with some sort of ill intent related to this genetic mutation.” Weaver said, recapping the sliver of intel they’d compiled over the last 4 month.

“And that’s it.” Hill contributed grimly.

“What’s our next move then?” Hartley asked. She was next to May, listening closely, trying to figure out the best next step.

“Sitwell is undercover in the Philippines at the moment trying to find out more, until then we keep an ear out, keep tracking anyone with the irregular gene and make sure the kids at the academy and prep are secure in September.” Hill said.

“So you’re saying that we’re sitting ducks.” May concluded.

“Yup, pretty much.” Maria nodded.

“Any update on what the mutation means, Weaver?” Coulson asked. In truth he was worried about Daisy, and they all probably knew that. Melinda had first heard about S.H.I.E.L.D. becoming unstable when she was undercover, but she could only find out so much about some gene that affected a small percentage of the population that the infiltrators were planning to exploit. She hadn’t gotten a name, or any names of members within S.H.I.E.L.D., just that they were planning something (they called it Operation: Janus) and that they were trying to find as many of those affected as they could.

May hadn’t known about Daisy until she told Weaver about her discovery and Weaver had looked into it, first studying blood samples they already had and finding that May had the irregularity dormant in her DNA. That had instantly triggered her to check Daisy’s, who was shortly revealed to have the active gene.

Of course, she hadn’t told her daughter any of this, just sending her to China to keep her as far as possible from everything, out of harm's way. Whatever this organisation was intending to do with these people, it wouldn’t be good.

“I’ve got my best people working on it at the moment, but no results thus far, sorry Coulson.” She replied.

“I suppose this organisation among us already knows what it does?” Hand asked.

“Yas, it does seem that way.” Weaver replied.

“Coulson, May, have you decided whether or not to send Harry back to Hogwarts?” Hartley asked her.

“Yeah, I think we’re gonna send her back. Melinda’s parents are great, but she’ll be safer where S.H.I.E.L.D. can keep an eye on her.” Phil replied, May just nodded.

“Security is already gonna take a step up over at the academy and prep, so she will be safe there.” Weaver promised.

“Daisy can look after herself, she has years of training from me and the young Morse with her.” May said confidently. Really she was scared out of her mind for her daughter, for what this could mean for her future. She knew she was strong though, that she’d be okay.

* * *

“May, hi, uh, here’s the thing.” May looked up from her phone.

“Yeah, Morse?” She asked.

“Well, Edie keeps asking about the whole situation, and so what should I tell her?” May considered this. So far she’d just told Daisy that it was being handled and that she shouldn’t worry about things that don’t concern her (even though it definitely did concern her).

“Tell her that it’s being handled, and that you’ll be able to see her soon.” May said finally.

“I’ll be able to see her soon?” Bobbi asked, slightly scared of hoping. She missed her, and lovely though Hunter was, she needed her family.

“Oh, right. You’re gonna be teaching self defence to the Sci-Tech kids over there in December.” May told her.

“That bad?” Bobbi asked, raising an eyebrow. It must be if Fitzsimmons were being taught how to use a gun.

“Just a precaution. Odds are they already know about Daisy, so they could target the school. Better safe than sorry.” She said firmly.

“Okay, I’ll tell her.” Bobbi nodded, headed back to the gym. Ed had been bugging her about what was going on ever since May had gotten shot. She’d mostly been sticking with annoying little sayings like ‘what you don’t know can’t hurt you’ or ‘mind your own beeswax, malenka’. She knew she was being annoying and secretive, and that Ed was probably mad at her, but the further away she was from this the better. May was insistent upon keeping Daisy in the dark, to protect her from the truth, and Ed wasn’t trusted to keep the secret. It was above her clearance level anyway.

* * *

“Did we make a mistake?” He asked as she walked back into their apartment.

“With Daisy?” She asked as she took her jacket off, throwing it on their coffee table . He nodded.

“She’d find out if she was here, she’s safer over with them.” She said.

“We can’t protect her if she’s not with us.” He said anxiously.

“Phil, honey, my mom is a CIA veteran and Daisy trained with The Cavalry. She’ll be fine.” She said, sitting next to him on the couch. Their apartment at The Hub was small, just two rooms. They were in the main one, their bed against the far wall, couch in the middle of the room facing a TV, kitchen counters with a sink, microwave and toaster against the wall opposite their bed. There was an adjoined bathroom. When they had Daisy they’d have a bigger one, but since they weren’t staying for long and Daisy was with May’s parents they’d been given this.

“I know, it’s just I can’t help but worry.” He admitted.

“She'll be fine. She’ll be back at school in two weeks anyway.” She tried, kissing his cheek before turning on the TV. He sighed, nodding and sitting back, taking her hand as they watched the screen. Something didn’t feel right, his baby being oceans away. He knew that Melinda’s parents would take care of her, and that she was safer where no one could hurt her, but he missed her. He missed her little rants about Jemma, how she always left the bathroom door open, how she fiddled with her necklace when bored.

When she was gone he missed watching her grow up. When he’d last seen her in the hospital she’d looked so grown up, so tired, but stronger. S.H.I.E.L.D. was treating her well, and he knew that, but he was missing everything. He’d missed her first heartbreak, her first kiss, she’d never even technically come out to him. She had blue hair now, and looked 15 (which she was, which, if anything, made things worse). She was taller than her mom by a solid 3 inches, she had an entire life of her own. A life that he wasn’t part of. And now her life could be endangered, and he was still shut out of it.

He was scared that she’d be gone, that this threat S.H.I.E.L.D. was facing would take her, and she’d be gone just like that. She’d be gone and he’d never really gotten a chance to know her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just finished writing the first draft of the final chapter and i am in pain✨


	42. Lazy Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff :)

“You’re so old.” Was all Daisy said to her as she handed her a messily wrapped present. Jemma looked up from her laptop, smiling at Daisy. She was finally 16, old enough to drive in the states, old enough to drink in the UK (provided there was someone over 18 present, of course).

“Thanks, babes.” she said, putting it on her bedside table. When she saw Daisy’s confusion she explained.

“I’m waiting for everyone to be here, it’s more fun that way.” She told her. Daisy nodded and perched on Jemma’s bed next to her, resting her head on Jemma’s shoulder as she watched her type. 

“What ya working on?” Daisy asked.

“Dissertation number 2.” Daisy nodded.

“I’m almost done with mine.” She said. It was true, she’d be done in a matter of weeks, but then again, she’d been working on it for over a year, and Jemma already had a PhD on top of the one she was working on. Daisy shifted so her head was resting on Jemma’s breast and an arm was slung over her waist. Jemma nodded and tried to keep working through, despite the only thought in her head being ‘ohmygodimsogayforherwhattheactualhellilovehersomuch’. 

After a while of pure gay panic and very little work, Ali and Bella wondered into the dorm, a present in both of their arms. They handed them to her, smiling.

“Happy birthday, Jemma.”

“Congrats on making it to 16, Simmons.” They said happily, as they headed to sit on their beds, Ali silently losing her absolute shit at how flustered Jemma looked. Bella nudged her hard in the side, making Ali stand up straighter and sit neatly down on her bed. Ed and Fitz followed suit with Luna behind them, following Ed like a little dog. Jemma smiled as they walked in, excitement filling her to see what they’d come up with. Security was much tougher right now, because of whatever was going on in Big S.H.I.E.L.D., so they couldn’t have things delivered, leading to all of their presents being homemade.

“I’ll uh, start with you, Dais.” she said hesitantly as Daisy grumpily extracted herself from her comfy position. As Sappho once said, ‘May you sleep on the breast of your tender woman companion’. She would be proud. She sat upright next to Jemma on her bed, watching her face carefully.

Jemma reached for the messily wrapped present on the bottom of the pile and unwrapped it, slightly nervous to see what Daisy had gotten her. She didn’t disappoint when it came to gifts, with her Ophiuchus necklace and birthday cakes. She unwrapped it carefully to find a CD case. She looked to Daisy questioningly, but she just nodded to her to open it. The CD said ‘Daisy’s Awesome Mixtape’. Jemma quickly inserted it into her computer, opening it and pressing play. Daisy’s voice spoke through her headphones.

‘Happy birthday Jems! I love you, have a great year, hope you enjoy my impeccable music taste.’ Jemma grinned and pulled her into a hug. 

“Thank you, Dais.” She said, her breath sending tingles down Daisy’s neck. 

“It’s really gay.” Was all Daisy said, as though to warn her.

“Not unlike yourself then.” Jemma said, giggling at Daisy’s false shock. 

“Alright, Ali next then.” Jemma said firmly, extracting herself from Daisy’s arms and reaching for the A4 sized thin present. She opened it carefully, not wanting to damage whatever was inside. She opened it to a painting of her and Daisy. They were on the grass by the lake with Luna, smiles plastered across both of their faces, Luna running happily through the grass as they talked, lazy happiness filling the canvas. She looked to Ali who was grinning like an idiot. She went to hug her, just to remember that the last time she’d tried that she’d ended up winded. 

“Thank you, Ali, it's beautiful.” Jemma said, meaning every word. 

“No trouble, Simmons.” She said, still smiling. Jemma nodded, clearing her throat to keep herself from crying. Photos were one thing, but the painting beautifully captured so much more than just their faces. It showed their love, how delicate it was, how undying, how painfully unspoken, the canyon between them, holding them apart. How Ali knew about that she had no idea, but seeing it made her almost angry.

“Okay, Bella now.” Jemma said. Bella wasn’t too excited for this one. She could hardly follow Ali and Daisy. Jemma opened it to find a little necklace with a tiny (very anatomically accurate, might she add) bracelet with a little turtle dangling on the chain. She looked at Bella.

“Well, you like the sea, and you never shut up about turtles and so I made it for you. If you don’t like it I can make you another…” 

Jemma interrupted her with a hug, leaving Bella surprised. She hugged back quickly, breathing a sigh of relief that it was good enough. She knew she would never be anything in comparison to Daisy, and that Ali’s gift was too beautiful for words, but she wanted Jemma to be happy.

“Thank you, Bella.” She said warmly.

“You’re welcome, Jay.” Jemma headed back to her own bed to unwrap Fitz’s present. He’d given her a pair of noise cancelling headphones he’d made. They connected to her phone, but the sound was enhanced so little chimes and things she liked would echo throughout them, and scratchy noises, the kinds that would make her head jerk and her hands flap, were dulled, made softer. 

“I made myself a pair and they’ve been useful for concentration.” He said as she opened them. He knew she needed some new ones, only one side of her ones worked and they needed a wire. These were bluetooth as well as having a wire and effectively triggered positive neurochemical responses. She tried them on with Daisy’s mixtape, excitement running through her when the first song on there was Cosmic Love. She loved it anyway, with its little chimes and rings and wide echoes. With Fitz’s headphones the sounds overcame her, filling her with pleasure, like her head was soaring. She grinned, the sound running up her spine, echoing through her skull. She was disappointed when the song ended, the lack of stimulation leaving her empty. 

She smiled up Fitz who gave her a thumbs up, pleased that they worked. She moved onto Ed’s gift, which was a pair of boxing gloves.

“With everything that’s going on I was just… well I was wondering if you’d want me to teach you the basics. Nothing too fancy, just enough to protect yourself.” Ed explained. Daisy couldn’t lose Jemma, and Bobbi was getting increasingly anxious about the situation. 

“That sounds good. When?” Jemma asked, more than a bit anxious. She knew things weren’t looking good in Big S.H.I.E.L.D., not that anyone knew why. 

“I train every evening, 7-8.30.” Ed said. Jemma nodded. She could incorporate that into her schedule.

“Thank you, Ed.” Jemma said, sincerely. 

“Just doing what’s right.” Ed told her. There was no way in hell she was going to let anything happen to Jemma, not after what Ed had gone through to get her and Daisy back on track.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aklsjdfkdsjf i love this chapter sm it's so cute istg :D


	43. If I Need A Gun, I'll Take One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW for guns, and a full disclaimer that my gun knowledge goes no further than the 3 youtube videos I watched whilst writing this chapter.

“Kak tam naverkhu?” (How bad is it up there?) Bobbi frowned.

“You know I can’t talk about this Eds.” She said, sighing.

Zhè shì zěnme shuí shì?” (What’s going on?) Daisy asked.

“Can’t tell you that either.” 

“Pourquoi tu ne peux pas nous dire?” (Why can’t you tell us?). Jemma interrupted 

“Because it’s classified, and can you all please settle on a language.” Bobbi said frustratedly. She was realising why May had given her this job. She was used to kids, Kara would probably end up shooting someone in the foot as a warning. 

“I’m here to teach you how to fire a gun and the basics of self defence.” She told the group. It was their dorm all cooped into the shooting range with a very annoyed Bobbi who was struggling enough to pick out a single question at a time, let alone what language it was in.

“Okay, so, guns. I know Ed can fire one, Daisy, did your mom ever teach you?” She asked. 

“My mom would never let me near one, my yéyé taught me the basics over the summer though.” She told her. When her mom had found out she’d gone absolutely apeshit crazy at yéyé over the phone, it had been hilarious.

“Great. Eds you can go play with knives or something, the rest of you can follow me.” Bobbi said as she turned to walk away, red hair swishing behind her. Ed still preferred it blonde, not that Bobbi cared much. She’d dyed it again over the summer (Hunter had to convince her not to give herself an eyebrow slit). Bobbi had a leather jacket and high rise black skinny jeans on, as well as a white S.H.I.E.L.D. tee. Daisy was wearing practically the same thing, rather with her green varsity jacket on. Jemma had initially had absolutely no idea what to wear to go and shoot things, eventually deciding to wear what she usually would and hope for the best (she had a white button up with strawberries on it and blue jeans, her hair tied back in bunchies, pigtails for you Americans, I think). Ali had fully committed to the aesthetic, going for her black docs, black jeans that were more rip than denim with fishnets under and chains on the loops, a green camo shirt of Piper’s, silver chain around her neck and knives in her ears, along with heavy eyeliner and black lipstick. Bella had gone the other way, opting for a pink midi skirt, panda hat, pink minnie mouse t-shirt and Daisy’s rainbow converse.

“Alrighty kids, this,” she said, holding up a glock semi-automatic handgun, “Is a gun.” 

“I think we already got that bit down, Morse.” Ali said.

“I’m getting to it, O’Connor.” She said impatiently.

“First thing you need to know. This is the mag release, this is the one that makes it safe.” Bobbi said, handing them all a gun. 

“I want you all to take the mags out.” She said. They did so, putting them on the floor.

“Can anyone take a guess as to why we always check the mags first?” Bobbi asked, going for a kind of Q&A vibe.

“Well if you checked the chamber by pulling the slide back it would look empty even if there was a mag in there.” Daisy said. Bobbi cocked an eyebrow, surprised.

“Yeah, pretty much. Why would that be bad?”

“Well if there was a mag in there the slider would pull a round into the chamber, meaning that if someone pulled the trigger it would fire.” Daisy explained, pulling the slide back to show the empty chamber, cocking her gun.

“Great, everybody got that?” Bobbi checked.

“Isn’t there a safety?” Jemma asked, holding the gun at arms length.

“There are a couple on these.” Bobbi said, taking Jemma’s gun from her. 

“There’s the trigger safety, a little trigger within the trigger. This makes it easier to see that there could be a round in the chamber and that the gun is cocked. See how Daisy’s trigger is further forward?” Bobbi said, gesturing to Daisy’s gun. 

“There’s the firing pin safety, which allows you to decide not to fire and releases the trigger without the round firing.” Bobbi explained, showing them how to empty the chamber on her own gun, popping another mag in and cocking it, emptying the chamber slowly.

“Show me how to empty the chamber.” Bobbi said, handing Jemma a loaded gun. She did so, fingers avoiding the barrel and trigger like the plague. 

“Okay, the rest of you, load your guns, empty the chamber. Oh, and remember, that as soon as you pull that slide back, you are holding a loaded gun, so please, for the love of all things holy, keep your fingers away from the barrel, and the barrel away from other people’s faces.” She said, pushing Jemma’s gun away from where it was aimed at her head so the barrel was facing the other end of the range.

They all emptied their chambers, Ali’s heart racing at the power in her hands, Jemma and Bella holding the guns as far away from their bodies as they could possibly get, uncomfortable grimaces residing on their faces.

“Don’t be afraid of the gun, you’re the one with the power.”

“I don’t need a gun to be powerful.” Daisy said coolly as she loaded it, cocked it and fired it, emptying the mag, bracing herself against the recoil. Bobbi flicked a switch, bringing the target closer to them, pleased to see 15 of 15 bullets actually hit the target, 10 of which got to the chest, 3 to the head and 2 to the arm. Jemma's stomach dropped, her heart flipping upside down as Daisy took her goggles off and brushed a hand through her hair. 

“Gay bloody disaster.” Bella muttered to her as she practiced emptying her mag, heart racing too, from fear of the gun shots rather than a case of being a useless lesbian. Jemma hit her arm indignantly and she just smirked at her.

“You shouldn’t have shot without warning me, but good job.” Bobbi said as she flicked the switch again, sending the target flying back. She really would have preferred a warning, the gunshots triggering her fight or flight response. Her stupid S.H.I.E.L.D. assigned shrink encouraged this little lesson, teaching the kids to shoot. She’d told her that since she was back in the field she needed to get used to guns again. She’d since adopted May’s policy of ‘if I need a gun I’ll take one’, but more often than not her batons sufficed. It was bad enough being shot at constantly, the anxiety building in her. May had helped a lot, teaching her control. Over the summer she’d been in the field a lot more, she’d even gone on a few specialist missions. It was hard, but she was getting better.

“Bobbi, do we get to fire them yet?” Ali asked impatiently. 

“Yeah, go ahead. Be careful of the recoil, and do try not to shoot each other. Oh, don’t forget your goggles.” She said, handing them all a pair. Ali got started straight away, disappointed when, unlike Daisy’s shots, only 3 of her 15 rounds actually hit the target. Bella did significantly better with 8 hitting the target, Jemma the same. Daisy watched Bobbi flinch every time someone fired, suddenly realising what this must feel like to her. Maybe her mom hadn’t taken being shot too seriously, but Bobbi was practically on her deathbed. She’d seen the aftermath of Bobbi’s injury take its toll on Ed, but hadn’t spent enough time around Bobbi to notice how it had changed her, other than the whole looking more like an adult thing.

“So, Morse, you gonna give us any hints as to why on Earth you’re teaching 15 year olds how to fire guns?” Bella asked as she took her goggles off.

“Hey! I’m 16.” Jemma said indignantly. Bobbi thought through her answer.

“You need to know how to keep yourselves safe. I don’t love guns, as you can imagine, but if you’re against an enemy with no morals you need to be prepared.” She said carefully, heart twisting as she thought about what they could do to Daisy. Sitwell came back from undercover empty handed, but Hartley had received an anonymous call warning them about S.H.I.E.L.D. imploding soon, and that if left unprotected, S.H.I.E.L.D. members with the Janus gene as they’d started calling it, would be targeted, and either exploited or dissected, but that was nothing they didn't already know.

“Are we going to be attacked here? Are we not safe?” Jemma asked, fear running through her words.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. will protect you.”

“But are we safe?” They weren’t. If Bobbi was being truly, completely honest with herself, they weren’t safe. Not whilst Daisy was a walking target. She knew Ed could look after herself, and judging from what she'd just seen Daisy could as well, but against fully trained agents? Not a chance. Neither of them were killers. 

“I’ll make sure you are.” She promised, knowing that she couldn’t live with the guilt if any of the kids were hurt.

“Thank you.” Jemma said earnestly, looking Bobbi in the eye, young brown eyes truly believing she was safe, that Bobbi could protect them from whatever was coming. Bobbi’s heart broke a little for them, for all of them. They cared for each other so deeply, and they would be ripped apart.


	44. The Fog Cleared

“So it’s settled then.” Coulson said, looking around the table.

“It’s necessary if we want to keep S.H.I.E.L.D. afloat.” Hand replied. They were in a tac meeting with Morse, May, Hartley, Sitwell, Weaver, Hill and Fury; the only people who they knew were loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D. and who knew about Janus.

“We’ll tell the gene carriers, move them all to a secure location.” Hill confirmed.

“You know this means that you won’t be able to see Daisy?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at Phil and Melinda.

“And that she’ll be taken out of school, yas, I’m aware.” Phil replied. At least she’d be safe, at least this way no one could hurt her.

“We’ll extract her tomorrow.” Hartley said, looking to Bobbi who just nodded, knowing that none of the kids were gonna take this well. Since they’d started to realise that things were looking bad in S.H.I.E.L.D. they’d only become more codependent, Ed barely ever let Fitzsimmons out of her sight, she was training Jemma in combat. Daisy had started training again, getting back into the swing of things easily, Ed complaining to Bobbi about how little Daisy had to practice to get good again.

“As for the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and academy students, we can get them after. Daisy takes priority, she's just a kid.” Hill said. She liked the kid, she’d missed her not being around The Hub recently. Their sleep schedules were both completely wacky, so they’d shared many 5am coffees back when Daisy was around more often.

Sitwell sat quietly, knowing that Hydra were listening. Well, he knew they were listening because he was a part of it. This meant they’d have to get the girl tonight, and take as many S.H.I.E.L.D. bases as possible before they realised what was happening, as well as moving Janus up in the schedule. They couldn’t lose them to some S.H.I.E.L.D. safe house, they were all too valuable. The plan was to lockdown the all bases and gas them with the chemical compound they’d found, exposing any of the freaks any killing anyone who got in their way. There had been some dispute amongst their ranks about whether it was smart to gas them before taking them in, but they’d decided that best case scenario was when they changed they took out a good few S.H.I.E.L.D. agents when they transformed, worst case scenario more than expected transformed and they had to take more in. Pierce had been confident in Janus going well for them, allowing them to stockpile those with the gene, and that Strucker would be pleased. Garret was looking forward to killing S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. Parts of him felt bad for Coulson and May; he’d met Daisy a few times, she was a good kid. But she was dangerous, and she could be useful, so she had to go.

“Lockdown initiated- no one to enter or exit any room.” A voice announced over the speakers. Fury looked up.

“What the hell is this? I didn’t order a lockdown.” He said, standing up to leave. The door was locked. May, Morse, Hill and Hartley all reached for their guns, eyeing the exits.

“Fury, what the hell?” A voice asked from the vents, Barton dropping from the ceiling. Fury looked to Coulson.

“Is he not your responsibility?” Phil shrugged.

“I’ll have you know I’m a grown ass man, I can take care of myself. I was with Tasha in the gym when the lights turned off and the lockdown was announced.” He said, sorting himself out. Natasha had panicked; she’d vowed never to be locked up again, so Clint had come to find out what was going on.

“To answer your question, I have no idea what the hell is going on.” Fury said. People started screaming from down the corridor. That’s when the gas came rushing in. Sitwell pulled on his mask, watching as the rest of them coughed, curious to see what would happen if one of them would transform. May watched him carefully as he pulled it out, before shooting him in the stomach. The fog overcame the room, they were plunged into darkness.

* * *

“Is everyone okay?” Coulson asked as the fog cleared. Hartley coughed, before saying she was fine, the rest of them just called out confirmation that they were a-okay.

“Greeting, to all you bastards in S.H.I.E.L.D. For those of you who changed, congratulations! You’re an alien. By now most of you will have killed all those in your general vicinity, which is great, thanks for that. We’re coming to get you special people, the rest of you, well you’ll just have to wait and see.” The voice of John Garrett came over the intercom. May’s heart dropped.

“Daisy.” Was all she said.

“Edie.” Bobbi replied, fear striking her. If the attack was S.H.I.E.L.D. wide, the kids were in serious danger, especially considering the fact that Sitwell was evidently Hydra, meaning Hydra knew about Daisy.

“Fury if you don’t find a way to open that door right this second…” May started, turning around to face the Director.

“I can’t open the door, Agent May, but I can offer something better.” He said as he walked over to the table, flicking a switch under it. The ceiling opened to the roof. May and Bobbi were the first out, running over to the Quinjet that Fury was apparently keeping all to himself (they’d have words about that later). Hill, Hartley, Weaver, Coulson, and Fury all headed to Fury’s armory, loading up on guns strong enough to blast open the doors. May and Bobbi took the Quinjet, locking in the coordinates for Scotland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop


	45. The Assembly Hall

“All students report to the assembly hall.” Ed looked up from the floor where she was doing press-ups. She stood up, looking around at all the kids in the gym looking scared.

“It’ll be okay, kiddos. It’s probably one of those mandatory drills.” She said to a group of first years. She stopped some third and fourth years on their way out, a group of 20 or so and led them to the armoury.

“Alright kids, you know how S.H.I.E.L.D. has been hella up their own ass about security recently?” She said to the group. They all nodded, wide eyed and scared.

“Well, everything is definitely not okay, so I’m gonna need you all to grab a weapon of your choice, shove it wherever it’ll fit and call to mind your training.” She said, as she grabbed a sword and a gun for herself, an extra for Daisy, shoving the sword down the back of her shirt tucked under her bra to keep it secure, a gun in her waistband and another in her bag. She tied her sweatshirt around her waist to cover up the hilt of her sword. The ops kids started getting their weapons, daggers, guns, bows all being shoved down various items of clothing. Knives were being hidden in socks, in ponytails, guns of various sized secured in waistbands. They headed to the assembly hall, Ed’s heart racing.

* * *

“All students report to the assembly hall.” The words echoed throughout the lab. Jemma looked to Fitz, her question silent. He just nodded. It was time. They grabbed a prototype ICER each (they were working with some academy kids on them) as well as one for Ali and Bella and followed the crowd to the hall, meeting Ali by the library. Jemma handed her the ICER.

“You think so?” She asked grimly. Jemma just nodded, her hands shaking, words stuck in her throat.

“We’ll be alright.” She said, her words wobbling. Jemma took Fitz’s hand as they walked into the hall, most of the school already there.

* * *

“All students report to the assembly hall.” Daisy took her headphones off and looked over to Bella.

“You think…?” Daisy asked, leaving the obvious unsaid. Bella shrugged.

“Ed probably has some weapons up here, right?” Daisy asked as she pushed Luna off her lap, the cat giving her a disgruntled look as she settled herself back to sleep on Ed’s bed.

“Probably, yeah.” Bella said, helping Daisy to look under her mattress where she’d stashed two knives and a small pistol. Daisy’s phone pinged.

‘More weapons in the safe in my bottom drawer, code is 7832, a sword behind the bookcase, more guns under a floorboard under my bed.’ Daisy read it out as her and Bella took the drawer out to find a safe in the drawer with two handguns and a dagger. Daisy took a gun and tucked a knife in her sock, Bella left the gun and took a dagger. Daisy raised an eyebrow, but she just shrugged. They left the sword, Daisy didn’t think she was quite cool enough to pull a wonder woman, and Bella had no idea how to use one. Daisy picked Luna up on her way out, dropping her outside on the fire escape, planting a small kiss on her nose as they left.

“Go now, xiǎo yuèliàng, stay safe.”

They met Ed and about 20 kids on their way to the hall.

“You find the stuff?” Ed asked.

“Yeah, I got it.” Daisy replied. They had no idea what they were in for, whoever they were. From the looks of it, Ed had kitted out at least half of the ops division, and Fitzsimmons were working with R&D up at the academy, so who knew what they had on them. They made their way towards the hall with the rest of the kids, Ed’s hand tapping nervously, Daisy trying to breathe like her mom had taught her.

“You need to learn control, xiǎohuā.” Oh, how she wished she’d listened. They entered the hall to chaos, kids everywhere, scared chattering filling the room. Fitz and Jemma stayed silent next to Ali, their fingers carefully intertwined, hearts racing. Ali was next to them, keeping an eye out for Bella’s blue hair. Ed, Bella and Daisy walked towards Fitzsimmons and Ali, Daisy wrapping Jemma into a quick hug.

“Everyone got weapons?” Ed asked the group. They all nodded.

“Okay.”

“We’ll have each other’s backs no matter what, right?” Daisy said, her head against Jemma’s, hands cupping her cheeks.

“No matter what.” Ali confirmed, her stomach twisting uncomfortably.

“Students of S.H.I.E.L.D. academy, I’m sure you all learnt about our little organisation in history class, ever heard of Hydra?” Daisy gasped. Hydra, her dad had waffled on about them all the time. Bunch of nazis.

“Well, here we are, finally back out in the open, and we’re hoping that some of you kiddies will be real useful to us.” The voice bellowed. Gas came rushing in, Daisy kept a tight hold on Jemma’s hand as coughs filled the room, scared cries of first years filling her ears. The gas reached her, and mud started crawling up her body.

Darkness overcame her, plunging her into an endless night. Her life flashed before her, her whole 15 years set in front of her. All of the tantrums in mission control, hugs when her mom got back, learning languages with her, her dad’s excitement when he’d met Captain America, the taste of his cooking. She watched herself grow up, years running past her. Learning to code, getting her bunny, going to stay with her yéyé and nǎinǎi, her mom holding her as she drifted off to sleep, sitting in the cockpit next to her.

She watched her and Jemma meet for the first time, 8 years ago now. They were so much younger, so much lighter. She watched them sit together, talking about the stars. ‘It’s always there, something bright and beautiful, even if you can’t always see it’. They ran through the field together, they looked up at the stars and marvelled at the infinity of the universe.

She watched her eight year old self cry at the loss of her best friend, she watched herself slip into her usual unhealthy habits; her late night/ early morning coffees with her Auntie Maria, her sleepless nights spent coding, her piles of sweets and chocolate that exasperated her mom and dad. She watched her first day at S.H.I.E.L.D. Prep, she watched her and Fitzsimmons stargazing, her and the O’Connors making Jemma’s thirteenth birthday cake, watched herself give Jemma her necklace, watched herself realise how she loved her. She watched herself kiss Ed, their tears dancing together as they fell fast down their cheeks, she felt herself cry to her mom, felt her mom hold her.

She felt Jemma’s lips on her cheek, her forehead, her hand, and then she felt every cell in her body come alive, she felt all the vibrations around her, the deafening buzz of life. The cocoon broke off her, and her body was tearing itself apart. She fell to the floor, blind in a haze of red lights and noise.

“Get down, hands behind you head!” Voices yelled, but they were all overlapping. Jemma watched as she collapsed, hands over her ears, tears spilling down her cheeks. The fog had cleared, Daisy had been in what appeared to be some sort of chrysalis for all of 3 minutes before breaking out, tremors pulsing through the hall. She now had about 5 snipers trained on her, as well as all of Hydra’s loaded guns aimed at her. Whilst she’d been in there they’d been lined up horizontally, Hydra agents’ guns following all of them carefully, the room deathly silent.

She wanted to run out, to hold her, to comfort her. To let her know that whatever happened she’d be here.

“Final warning, girl.” A voice called but Daisy didn’t seem to hear. Jemma took a cautious step towards her, kids making way for her to reach Daisy. She had been the only one so affected by the gas, everyone else just blinded temporarily. She began to run, desperate to reach her before she was out of time, before they began shooting. As far as Ed had told her, her tone rushed and hurried, there were about 2 S.H.I.E.L.D. kids to every Hydra agent, placing their number at about 125, as opposed to S.H.I.E.L.D.’s 250 or so. About a third of the kids were in ops, and all of the fourth and fifth years had had some sort of combat training. Not that it would be enough, not against an enemy willing to kill.

Jemma broke into a sprint, so close to her when something hit her. It felt small, like a pebble or something. She felt a numbness rush to her sternum, and then to her stomach below her right ribs, followed by a blinding burn. She gasped, taking a hand up to her chest, pulling it away covered in her own blood.

“Daisy…”


	46. Would You Let Me Join You?

Daisy looked up at the sound of Jemma’s voice, crystal clear through the deafening hum. She watched as Jemma collapsed, as her blood pooled on the floor. She stood up, a sea of anger rushing through her, knocking her down as she looked at her body. That couldn’t be right. Jemma had been 8 two minutes ago, Jemma had been safe in her arms two minutes ago. How was she on the floor, and why was there a pool of crimson surrounding her? The room was silent enough to hear a pin drop, but Daisy could feel everyone’s vibrations, feel every heartbeat, every valve opening and closing. She looked down to Jemma’s body, and then back up to the crowd who’d quickly separated from their neat lines, picking out the Hydra agents from her peers. 

None of them looked half as scared as she knew they should be. 

_Isn’t it strange, dad. Strange how a single bullet, just a little piece of metal, can stop the clock. The human body, one of the most complex organisms, can be completely shut down, just by a cock of a gun, the pull of a trigger. I should have known. Should have realised that they would be too cruel to let me have a moment with her. I wish I could’ve seen her, seen what she’s becoming._

“Control, xiǎohuā. _”_ Her mom said. She took a deep breath and clenched her fists, feeling their hearts stop, the feeling of their bodies hitting the ground echoed through her. She heard gunshots, but simply waved the bullets away, turning them away from her, back to where they came from. The men joined the crowd, fighting their way through the kids to get to Daisy who stood protectively over Jemma. Jemma, who she couldn’t bear to lose. Jemma, who’s weak heartbeat was the only thing keeping Daisy sane. Jemma, who she had to protect.

_I can hear gunshots, smell blood, although that’s probably my own. I did wonder what it would be like, death. Maybe I won’t die. Maybe I’ll live to go to the academy with Daisy and Fitz, maybe we’ll grow old together. I talked to you about it a lot, how I was going to die. I never would’ve guessed it would’ve been this way. Maybe I’ll die here, on the floor of the assembly hall, surrounded by war, my last memory that of watching the girl I love become someone I’ll never get to meet._

They fought their way through the crowd to get to her, bullets and punches flying. She had a gun and a knife but she didn’t need them. She didn’t need a gun to be powerful. She could hear a battle raging around her, she could see Ed flying by with a sword high above her head, blonde hair flying behind her. She could see Ali and Bella back to back, guns drawn. She could feel eyes on her, feel their fear. Good. They should be scared. 

_I can hear her screams. I don’t want to cause her this much pain. I don’t want her to live with regret over what she did for me, for the death that I can hear, the cries, the blood. Where you are, can I watch her? Will I be able to keep an eye on her and mum and Fitz with you? Up there on your little cloud, would you let me join you? If I go now I’ll never get to tell her, I’ll never get to kiss her, or to grow old with her, to see what we become; what she becomes. I felt the room shift as she burst out, as though everyone took a breath in. She looked sad. I don’t ever want her to be sad. She’s too good to deserve this pain, too pure, too beautiful._

She sent grown men flying, she ripped their limbs from their bodies without blinking, she stopped their hearts with a snap of her fingers, a clench of her fist. She didn’t let anyone within a 5 meter radius of them, because they were kidding themselves if they believed they were going to get anywhere near Jemma again. Images of her body crumbling, of her falling, of the pool of blood that Daisy now stood in flashed in front of her eyes, sending tears of rage spilling fast down her cheeks, gasps of agony of what she’d lost.

She’d never told her, never taken the chance to see what they could’ve become, and now she might never get to.

_Are you watching us now? What a state we must look to be in, me bleeding out by her feet, her leading the war. I never would’ve thought that she’d kill for me. I never would’ve guessed she was capable of that, never would’ve guessed she felt so deeply about me that losing me would cause her this much pain. I can hear all of it, her bones cracking, her sobs, her screams._

She screamed as she tore them apart, her heart racing in her ears, the vibrations of everyone and everything overwhelming her. Jemma’s heartbeat got lost in a cacophony of life, her weak breath got quieter. She couldn’t let them see her, couldn’t let them realise she was getting tired, couldn’t let the grief sneak up on her, grasp her with its cruel hands. There was no time for grief. They’d almost taken her mom from her, they’d taken Jemma. Two people who she couldn’t bear to lose, clinging on to life. Who knew what was going on up at Big S.H.I.E.L.D.? Maybe her mom was already dead. Agony split through her arms but she ignored it. She tore through men like they were meer puppets, because who were they to question her wrath? They had taken someone she loved, the person she loved the most, and she wouldn’t let a single one get away with it. 

_I’m only 16. Please, dad, I don’t want to die. I can’t leave Daisy. Not like this, not when I can hear her pain, not if my last memory of life would be her cries. I can’t leave now, not without telling her. Not without her knowing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please tell me what you think about this, cos i'm still kinda iffy about this chapter


	47. Their Saving Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i promise you'll hear more from Daisy and Jemma tomorrow, just felt like an Ed interlude was appropriate

She watched from the other end of the hall as everything happened at once. Daisy was breaking free from whatever gunk had grown on her, then Jemma was running, then Jemma was screaming, then Daisy was screaming, and now there were 20 dead Hydra agents and 105 of them charging towards the hall of literal children, guns ablazing.

When asked, Ed would always say Hydra fired first, after Jemma, of course. She knew that was a lie. She knew she jumped in front of the first year, gun cocked, and fired blindly towards the two agents. When asked, Ed would always say she wasn’t aiming to kill. She wanted to believe this was true, she wanted to believe any deaths were unintentional. If she was being honest, she’d say that she wasn’t concerned about the lives of Hydra agents, only her own and those of the kids. It didn’t matter, there were no Hydra survivors, no one lived to tell the tale. It left her with questions, with seas of ‘what-if’s. Left her with infinite possibilities, happier scenarios, scenarios in which all the twelve year olds lived, in which none of them saw death that day.

After she shot whoever the battle started properly. She tossed her guns to the oldest unarmed students, trusting that the older ops kids would look after the baby sci-techs, and that the third years would just listen for once in their goddam lives. She drew her sword, keeping a careful eye on Daisy, who had already taken out another 10 without flinching. As much as Ed would like to credit her own extra training with Daisy, she suspected her success had more to do with the all-new superpowers than the years of combat training.

Everyone seemed to turn to her for directions. King’s reasoning was that she was the oldest of the oldest ops kids, and had the highest level of training. She preferred to believe it had something to do with her natural sense of wisdom. She set up the other 20 fourth and fifth year ops kids around the front lines, facing the edge of the hall. She integrated the first to third year ops students around the middle, around 1 to every 3 sci-tech. They weren’t armed with guns, most of them using knives, bows, swords or batons. She put the baby sci-techs near Daisy, as well as Fitz so he could look after her and Jemma. Daisy hadn’t let anyone within 5 meters of the pair, Ed could hear her screams, practically feel her agony. ‘Not right now, malenka, remember your training, compartmentalize’, Bobbi told her. There would be time for Daisy later.

Adrenaline rushed to her head, making her giddy. She sprung action, deflecting bullets with her sword, cutting through Hydra agents like they were dominoes, tumbling in her wake. Daisy had built up a forcefield around herself, Ed was a hurricane. Blonde hair chased after her as she leapt around the room, her sword guiding her. She flew, she was on the top of the world. Things started tipping in Hydra’s favour after Daisy left. Ed watched her pick Jemma up, so sad, so somber, watched as the monstrous girl from two seconds ago disappeared, leaving a broken woman.

Daisy had taken out 40 or so of Hydra’s soldiers, the S.H.I.E.L.D. kids dealing with 20 themselves. That left 45 Hydra soldiers, and 35 ops kids still in good health. It was easy enough analysis. It had taken 42 kids at full power to take down 20 soldiers. There were now 65 soldiers and only 35 kids. Ed gave the order for the younger kids still standing to team up, taking them in twos, dealing with two at a time herself. That’s when the door opened, their saving grace, who’d recently gone blonde again apparently, standing in the doorframe, twirling her batons, 20 agents behind her.

Bobbi tore her way through the battle, her new and improved batons moving fast, knocking people down as they went.

“Hey, sestra.” Ed said, knocking out a 6 foot man as she walked up to her sister.

“Hey, malysh.” Bobbi grinned, not losing eye contact as she stomped on a man trying to crawl to her legs.

“May gonna be okay?” Ed asked, running someone through with her sword.

“She’s with her mom.” Bobbi said, jumping through the air, flying as she kicked two of them over at once.

“Simmons?”

“En route to S.E.R.P.E.N.T.” Bobbi told her, trying to stay grounded through the gunfire.

“Can we expect the cavalry tonight?” Ed asked, but Bobbi just shrugged.

“Roll!” Ed yelled. Bobbi bent over, Ed rolled over her back, flipping into a back handspring, taking out an agent.

“I’m never gonna get used to this.” Bobbi said breathlessly as she fought off three guys at once.

“Used to what?” Ed asked, ducking under Bobbi’s arm and effectively boppying a guy in the chin.

“You growing up.”

“Now is no time for…” Ed stabbed a guy, wiping his blood off her sword on her trouser leg,

“...Nostalgia, sestra.”

“No time like the present.” Bobbi said with a grin. They fought side by side, the arrival of Big S.H.I.E.L.D. quickly tipping the battle in their favour, all the Hydra agents either dead or in no condition for doing much of anything for a while, and 235 of the 250 S.H.I.E.L.D. kids still alive, Jemma’s condition still unknown.

* * *

“Sorry sestra, need to run. They need us at Theseus.” Bobbi said, walking over to Ed, picking her way through the aftermath with Trip. He’d been at one of his safe houses in London earlier so May had called him up, Hunter was nowhere to be seen.

“Bring her.” Trip suddenly said.

“Like hell I will. My mom would never shut up if I took my 16 year old sister into a literal war zone.” Bobbi said, hitting his arm.

“I’m coming.” Ed said, picking up a gun and her sword.

“Oh, no you’re not.” Bobbi chuckled, taking the gun from her.

“Come on, Morse. She’s almost grown, and from the sounds of it we need all the help we can get. May’s gone off to S.E.R.P.E.N.T. with the kids, so we’re down a cavalry.” Bobbi sized her sister up. She’d already watched her take on two Hydra agents and win, seen her throw herself in front of kids. She was better than cadets Bobbi had seen at the academy, and far braver.

“Okay. But we’re not going further than Theseus, no big bases.” Bobbi said sternly, whipping her index finger out and pointing, as though that would increase the gravity of her point. Ed just nodded excitedly, practically skipping off to the Quinjet.

“It would’ve been ideal to get the Mays.” Trip said, slightly disappointed that he wouldn’t get to see Daisy’s powers.

“Ed’s good.” She promised, watched her go.


	48. Just Look To The Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the weird time jumping! I wasn't quite sure how to structure these chapters, but this takes place like midway through Ed's chapter :D

“Daisy May, listen to me.” A voice yelled. They were desperate, begging with her. She fell from her high ground, crashing back down to earth to meet Fitz’s blue eyes.

“Daisy, the ops kids can take this. You need to take Jemma.” She opened her mouth to protest, but he placed calming hands on her shoulder.

“Y-You deserve a chance to say goodbye.” He said, tears spilling down his cheeks, his voice hoarse, desperate. Daisy’s heart twisted at the pain in his voice, almost matching the agony, the anguish running through her, crashing through her body, a force not to be reckoned with. She nodded, picking Jemma up carefully, the slow feeling of her fading heartbeat filling her. She began to walk away, carrying Jemma bridal style, her head against her chest, when Fitz took her hand.

“Tell her, Daisy.” She shook him off, hurrying out, Ed rushing past her, the sounds of the raging battle dimming as she focused on Jemma.

She carried her outside, the late night cold, the chill hitting Daisy hard. It was calmer out here, all the vibrations that she’d been excruciatingly aware of slowing down, dulling a little.

“Daisy.” Jemma said weakly. Daisy sat them down on the lawn, her hand firm over Jemma’s wound, the smaller girl laying in her lap, facing the sky.

“Hey, Jemma.” She said shakily, tears threatening to overspill. She brushed Jemma’s hair from her face, cupping her cheek as tears fell onto her hand.

“Will you tell me about the stars?” Daisy took a deep breath, keeping pressure on the gunshot wound.

“Sure. I’ll tell you all about Ophiuchus. See, it’s not in the sky right now, or we can’t see it. But it’s there, it’s looking down on us, protecting us. It always has been there.” Daisy told her, pointing to the space where Ophiuchus occupied their sky a couple of nights a year.

“Always been us, always been you.” Jemma said, her voice pained, quiet. Daisy thought about that for a second.

“Listen to me. It’s always been you, Daisy May.” She said, placing one of her own hands over Daisy’s, smiling up at her.

“Jemma…”

“No, Daisy, please. I love you, I always have. I just…” she took a pained breath.

“I wish we could’ve become what we were meant to be...” Daisy took a breath, thinking about what Fitz had said, thinking about how long it had been, how years of them could end tonight, how she’d ripped grown men apart for Jemma.

“Of course it’s you, Jems. You just hold on, you’re gonna be okay.” Daisy tried, brushing Jemma’s tears away. Jemma closed her eyes, smiling into Daisy’s touch.

“Look, you just look up at the stars. They’ll be watching over us, watching over you.” Daisy promised, pulling Jemma into her chest, Jemma’s head heavy against Daisy’s shoulder, Daisy’s hands still firm against her sternum.

“I love you, Jemma.” Daisy whispered to the stars, Jemma limp against her, her heartbeat still weak, still fighting.

“I love you, Daisy.” Jemma said, barely louder than a whisper.

_I think I might join the stars now._

Daisy felt her breathing slow down, felt her heart stop. She held Jemma against her chest, she cried to the stars. Years of friendship, of unconditional love, and here she sat under the March sky, holding her body. She’d never talk to her again, Jemma would never borrow her hoodie again, Daisy’s hand would never be in Jemma’s again.

They stayed silent for the ride to Scotland, Bobbi twirling her batons in the back, May worrying her lip in the cockpit.

They landed about 1am, on the fields opposite the prep. They walked across the road in silence, Bobbi’s heart racing at the sound of gunfire. May looked to her apprehensively, as though asking if she was ready. Bobbi just nodded, shooting the gate so it swung open. May had called her contacts in S.H.I.E.L.D. safe houses across the UK and the continent, 4 quinjets landing shortly after them, at least 20 agents following the pair into the prep.

As they approached the courtyard a figure came into view, a figure who appeared to be making the ground shake. May ran for her, her daughter becoming more clear, the figure she was cradling becoming Jemma. May gestured for two medics to follow her, running to Daisy.

“Hey, Daisy?” She said gently, her hand gentle under her daughter’s chin. Daisy lifted bloodshot eyes to meet her mom’s tired ones.

“Māmā.” Daisy said, gesturing helpless to the limp girl in her arms, the blood drying on her clothes. Daisy saw the medics and furrowed her brow, throwing them back. May kept a neutral face, trying to act unfazed by this new development.

“Daisy, tāmen kěyǐ bāngzhù tā, dàn nín xūyào ràng tāmen dài zǒu tā.” (They can help her, Daisy , but you need to let them take her). She said calmly, taking Daisy’s hand. Daisy shook her head, holding Jemma.

“Tāmen bùnéng bǎohù tā.” (They can’t protect her) she said hoarsely.

“Tāmen kěyǐ bǎ tā dài huí nǐ shēnbiān.” (They can bring her back to you) May said, beckoning the medics closer, watching as Bobbi and her makeshift squad entered the hall. Daisy nodded. She wanted Jemma back, she wanted to feel her warmth again. They took her, carrying her away. May held her daughter as she collapsed against her.

“Māmā, wǒ shāle tāmen. Wǒ shāle hěnduō rén.” (I killed them, mom. I killed so many.) she sobbed. May’s heart ached for her daughter, for these newfound powers, the loss of her love, the loss of life she’d caused.

“Méiguānxì, wǒ de xiǎohuā. Nǐ wèi tā zuò de. Jīntiān nǐ jiārù qíbīng” (It’s okay, my little flower. You did it for her. Today you join The Cavalry ) May said quietly, stroking her daughter’s hair as she sobbed. Daisy looked to the sky through bleary eyes, wondering if Jemma was with the stars, wondering if she was looking down on her from Ophiuchus. Jemma would be peaceful among the stars, she’d dance amongst them for all eternity, leaving Daisy cold on Earth, left to walk alone.

“Duìbùqǐ, māmā, duìbùqǐ.” (I’m sorry, mom, I’m so sorry). Daisy said between cries. She’d taken so much life, she had become a weapon of mass destruction. May kissed her forehead gently.

“Nǐ huì hǎo qǐlái de, xiǎohuā. Tā huì méishì de.” (You’ll be okay, little flower. She’ll be okay.) May promised, mostly trying to convince herself. Her daughter was strong, her daughter was loving, her daughter was kind, forgiving, bright, soft, brave, beautiful, innocent. Her daughter was Daisy May, and she was incredible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see if i was really mean i could've ended the whole story with this.


	49. Strength

Daisy walked in, closing the door quietly behind her, a bouquet of her namesake flower clutched in a shaky hand. They meant purity, innocence, new beginnings. She felt Jemma’s heartbeat and let a sigh of relief escape her. She was sleeping, her mouth set in a slight smile. Daisy turned the lights out with a clench of a fist as she walked in. Jemma hated white light. 

S.H.I.E.L.D. had tried to take her in after they took back the academy and prep, after they’d seen what she’d done. They sent an entire tack team, men armed with guns. She couldn’t stop herself, she crushed their leader's ribcage , feeling it collapse in on itself. Her mom had taken it from there, Bobbi and Ed long gone (from what Daisy’d heard they’d taken back Theseus and The Treehouse). The battle was over in the hall, the S.H.I.E.L.D. medics her mom had brought were tending to their injured.

“You come back with Fury, then we can talk.” Her mom had said fiercely. There was no way to know if they were loyals, or if they wanted to take her daughter and tear her apart. Or if S.H.I.E.L.D wanted to do that all the same.

“Hey, Jemma.” Daisy said under her breath as she sat down after putting her daisies in a vase. She sat next to her, taking her hand. It was cold, scarily cold.

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. There were some things I had to do.” Daisy told her, her voice wobbling. She hadn’t had the courage to come and see Jemma. Not with the guilt that haunted her, the horrors caused by her hand that she could still feel. 

“I just want to say that I’m sorry. And I want you to know that everything I did, I did to protect you. What you told me, Jemma, I feel the same, of course I do. It’s always been you, as though it could ever be anyone else.” Daisy said softly, chuckling to herself. 

“I’m sorry. I’m not who you knew. I’m tainted now, you deserve more. I’ll always love you, and I swear I’ll always protect you, but I’m afraid… afraid I’m too much of a monster for you to love.” She squeezed Jemma’s hand, planting a soft kiss on it, brushing Jemma’s hair behind her ear behind getting up to go. She felt a gentle squeeze on her hand. 

“Stay, Daisy.” A tired voice said. Daisy turned around to see Jemma smiling at her, eyes still closed.

“Jem, you…”

“I said stay. Even you can’t argue with a woman on her deathbed, Dais.” Jemma said, smiling to herself at her joke, which she obviously found utterly hilarious.

“You’re not on your deathbed, Jemma, not anymore anyway. The doctors say you’re gonna be fine. Breathing could be a little rocky for a while, and you’re gonna be on the DL for a hot second, but for a Sci-Tech major you’re probably glad.” Daisy told her smoothly. 

“Can’t you let me be a bit dramatic? I did take like two bullets for you.” Jemma said lightly, smiling up at Daisy, her gaze now fixed on the floor.

“I didn’t ask for that.” 

“And I didn’t ask you to protect me, but you did that anyway.”

“Jemma, I’ve caused more harm than good. You’ve got two gunshot wounds and half bled out in my arms, 37 men are dead at my hand. That’s all down to me. I- I don’t deserve you, Jemma.” Jemma frowned. What was she saying? Years of silence, of unspoken, unconditional love and now what? Jemma pulled her hand from Daisy’s, moving to cup her cheek.

“My love isn’t weak, Daisy May.” Daisy swallowed, the lump in her throat moving upwards, choking her until tears spilled.

“I would take a thousand bullets for you, I would tear apart armies for you. I’m not weak, Daisy, and I’m certainly not a prize to be deserved. I choose who I love, and I choose who I’d give my life for. It’ll always be you.” Daisy gasped, tears falling, bringing her hand up to rest against Jemma’s, the older girl brushing her tears away.

“I don’t know if I can live with it, Jem. With what I did.” Daisy admitted, her voice small, broken. 

“You did what was necessary, Daisy. You saved lives, think of all the kids they could’ve killed. You stopped that.” Daisy thought about what Fitz had told her afterwards. Apparently Ed was leading them, barking orders with a bloody sword swinging around. She was sad to have missed it really.

“I did what I had to, but it wasn’t right. These powers, I can’t control them, Jem. I feel everything, every vibration. I can feel the life around me, I felt the lives lost, the lives I took.” Daisy said, holding Jemma’s hand against her own cheek.

“But what about the lives you saved, Dais? What about the kids who will have a future, who will get to grow up because of you? I’d be dead without you.” Daisy shook her head.

“Without me you wouldn’t have been shot.”

“That was my decision.” Jemma countered.

“Well it was a stupid decision.” Daisy shot back.

“Well it was mine to make.” They were almost shouting now.

“Well you shouldn’t have done it.” Daisy half yelled, her cheek cold without Jemma’s hand, the lamp on Jemma’s table shaking.

“Like hell I shouldn’t have, you could’ve died, Daisy.” Jemma shouted back.

“Maybe you should’ve let me.” 

A chill set over the room as Daisy realised what she’d said. She gasped, burying her face in her hands, the lamp shattered as her tears spilt. Jemma sat up, silent tears running down her own cheeks as she pulled Daisy into her chest, tears dampening her hospital gown. 

“I will never let that happen.” Jemma promised, her voice barely audible over Daisy’s sobs. She stroked her hair, shushing her gently, holding her as the weight of what she’d been through, what she’d done hit her over and over again.


	50. Evolution

“Come in, May.” Maria said, sitting back down next to Fury. It had been a month since Hydra revealed themselves, since everything had changed. May strode in, arms crossed, already looking fed up.

“You asked for me?” 

“Well, you told them if they wanted Quake they’d have to come to me.” Fury said, sitting forward in his chair, gesturing for May to sit opposite him. She didn’t.

“Her name is Daisy, not whatever code name you’ve given her. She’s my daughter, she’s your niece, Maria. You can’t have her.” May said calmly, looking Fury in the eye. He sighed.

“We don’t want to hurt her, May.”

“No, you just want to control her.” 

“We just want her up at The Cocoon, so we can assess her, study her biology, so she can learn to use her powers.” Maria said, eyes pleading with May, part of her knowing it was useless, part of her being glad.

“I said, no. Do you want me to say it in Russian?” 

“Agent May, this is really not up for discussion. We’ve let it slide for a month, but we can’t just let her loose around the prep if she’s dangerous.” Fury argued. He had no idea where this was coming from. When the hell did he stop being feared? Long gone were the days when he was one of the most powerful men in the world, when his organisation was respected. S.H.I.E.L.D. had crumbled, and on top of the press, Congress, and most of intelligence agencies coming at him for answers, he had to deal with dispute amongst the agents who were still loyal, distrust spreading like wildfire through the ranks. Not without reason, of course, they weren’t naive enough to believe that they’d eradicated Hydra completely. 

“They’re all dangerous, Fury. You’re training 15 year olds to shoot, to kill, you’re giving them access to state of the art weaponry, letting them design them. You heard about what the young Morse did, not just at the Prep, but at Theseus, at The Treehouse. Daisy should be the least of your worries.” Fury considered this.

“Daisy ripped apart 37 Hydra agents with her bare hands. Morse has been under our watch from the beginning, Daisy is a whole new issue. She won’t be there long, just until September.” Maria begged.

“Absolutely not. You can’t just rip her out of her life to study her like she’s some thing, and clearly she’s got herself under control, judging how there have been no further incidents. Please, Maria. She’s just a kid. She has a life, she’s her own person, she has her own feelings. She’s struggled enough with what happened, what she did. She doesn’t need S.H.I.E.L.D. making her feel like a monster, like something to be caged.” May tried, looking at Hill, trying to appeal to her goodwill. Maria sighed looking to Fury who just shrugged.

“Okay. We’ll close the case until September. You can’t protect her forever, Melinda.”

“I can damn well try.” She said, leaving.

She’d never forget Daisy the week after Hydra, how pale she’d been, how sick. She’d barely spoken, not quite finding words. Hydra left her daughter a ghost, they’d taken her childhood, any innocence she had left gone. She was different after she’d gotten her powers, she seemed older. May struggled to believe she was the same kid she dropped off at the prep 6 years ago, hardly understanding the growth that had occurred during that time. She knew she was still in there somewhere, that 11 year old, she was just buried deep under layers of collateral damage. 

She remembered how Daisy had held Jemma, how she’d cradled her, how she’d sobbed when she’d been taken. She remembered Daisy’s eyes as she threw the medics back, the fury that raged behind them, the fierce pain that resided at the root.


	51. Dancing In The Moonlight

“Hey, Jems. Uh, could you come meet me down on the lawn?” Daisy’s crackly voice asked through Jemma’s phone speaker. Jemma narrowed her eyes.

“Depends. What do you want?” Jemma questioned suspiciously.

“Just to take my best girl out dancing.” Daisy replied in a southern drawl. Jemma giggled, rolling her eyes.

“Should I dress up?”

“If you so wish, darlin’” 

“K. See you soon.” Jemma replied, biting her lip in excitement. Things had been a bit odd between her and Daisy. They’d been kind of ‘are you going to do anything about the massive bloody elephant in the room or not?’ since Hydra. They’d mastered a strange dance together, when some nights they were intertwined, their hands interlocked, hearts racing. Other nights they were cold, distant, in their own heads, silently obsessing about each other as they sat 5 feet apart. 

Jemma had been out of hospital for two whole months, and she was breathing mostly smoothly. The bullet missed her lung, embedding itself in her chest and never actually reaching the chest cavity. The other one had hit her lung, tearing it apart. It wasn’t as bad as Bobbi’s had been (although as Daisy understood it, getting shot in the lung was always pretty bad) but Jemma still needed an inhaler now. 

It was June, meaning that the sun didn’t set until 9ish in Scotland. It was 10 for her at the moment. Jemma stood up, feeling Ali and Ed watch her as she walked over to her dresser, picking out her light blue slim leg jumpsuit.

“You wanna borrow my black heels?” Ali asked, her tone teasing. She’d spent about an hour in the woods with Daisy earlier, hanging stupid bloody fairy lights among the trees for Daisy’s stupid bloody crush. 

“Please, Ali.” Jemma said, utterly oblivious to the mockery. 

“Sure, Jems. You want me to do your hair?” Jemma nodded, heading to the bathroom to change. She looked at herself in the mirror. How did we get here? When did they grow up? They were 8 two minutes ago, sitting on the swings looking up at the sky, matching smiles on their young faces. They were 16 now, damaged by the world, tired. Damaged. Daisy was quieter, she struggled some days. Jemma would have to coax food into her mouth, stroke her forehead and praise her, comforting her through the sickness. Jemma was still on the mend, her breath escaping her, panicked gasps overwhelming her. Where did those 8 year olds go, and when did they leave?

Jemma sighed, washing her hands before leaving the bathroom, plopping herself unceremoniously down on Ali’s bed.

“What’s it gonna be, babes?” Ali asked as she grabbed a hairbrush. 

“I don’t care, but be quick about it.” Ali nodded, brushing through Jemma’s brown hair. It had pink streaks in it now, her and Daisy had dyed each other’s hair after Jemma had gotten out of S.E.R.P.E.N.T., figuring they’d try out Ali’s theory. Daisy had been having trouble with talking for a while after Hydra. Jemma had understood, sometimes there were just no words. They were just soft together for a while, Jemma quietly helping her come back to the ground.

She tied Jemma’s hair back into a low bun, carefully braiding hair into it at the back. 

“She really loves you, you know.” Ali said utterly out of the blue. 

“I know.” Jemma said softly. Ed stopped her before she left, handing her a leather jacket

“Don’t waste any more time, Simmons.” she said, nodding at Jemma as she slipped the jacket on, hand touching Ed’s shoulder in a silent thank you before she went to leave, Luna brushed against her leg on her way out, as though wishing her luck.

Daisy stood on the lawn, anxiously pacing along the path at the bottom of the stairs, fingers twisting a stray strand of hair. She’d tied it back in a ponytail, wearing it with a dark blue blazer and trousers, Ed’s (Bobbi’s) light blue heels on her feet, placing her at 5’10”. If Ali had done her job it wouldn’t be too problematic, Jemma should stand at around 5’7.5”, the heels being about 3 inches. She bit the inside of her cheek, stomach fluttering nervously. She heard the door open and snapped her head up to look, Jemma standing before her. Daisy’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of her, her light blue jumpsuit elegant on her small frame, the heels making her look older than the usual converse. Jemma smiled as she walked down, feeling as though she was gliding downstairs.

“Milady.” Daisy said, linking her arm with Jemma’s as she reached the bottom of the stairs. Jemma smiled, looking up to meet Daisy’s eyes nervously, hoping her apprehension couldn’t be seen against the darkness of night.

“You good?” Daisy asked anxiously. Jemma nodded.

“Tres bien.” Daisy grinned, Jemma cringing slightly at the bad accent.

“Maybe stay away from Latin languages, ma cherie” Jemma said, grinning bashfully. Daisy threw a hand over her heart in mock offence. 

“I’d tell you to keep the Latin languages for yourself, but your Mandarin is getting spookily good.”

“Xièxiè.” Jemma said pointedly. She followed Daisy quietly, their arms still linked, seeing quickly they were headed to the woods. She focused on her own breath as they walked, the air cool against her skin, refreshing compared to the stale air of the dorm. She gasped softly as they approached a clearing in the trees, vintage strings lights sending a soft glow over it, Dancing in the Moonlight playing quietly over speakers. Daisy stepped back, offering Jemma her hand.

“May I have this dance?” She asked, looking up at Jemma through thick lashes, barely containing her own amusement at how elaborate this whole thing was. Jemma took her hand, letting Daisy wrap her arm under Jemma’s and around her back, Jemma resting her hand on Daisy’s shoulder. Their other hands hung interlocked by their side. Jemma took in every inch of Daisy’s face as they stepped together to the music, horrifically out of time. Daisy twirled her around, releasing gleeful giggles from Jemma, biting her tongue through a smile. They muttered the rhythm to each other as they danced, humming softly, utterly engrossed in each other. Jemma wobbled on her heels, both of them eventually kicking them off, their barefeet in the grass. They stretched their arms out, locking their hands together, spinning in silly circles, falling into each other. They jumped in circles, joined hands flying messily around, hair getting in mouths. They stepped-digged loopily, heads bobbing lazily, hands swaying in time with each other, utterly oblivious to whatever the music was doing. 

Daisy twirled Jemma back into her arms and the world slowed down.

Jemma’s eyes met Daisy’s, the pair coming to an understanding, finally both on the same page. Daisy closed her eyes hesitantly, almost nervous to see what Jemma would do. Soft lips came crashing against Daisy’s, Daisy moved to hold Jemma’s face in her hands, smiling into her. Euphoria rushed through her. This. This is what years of waiting had been leading up to, to them, finally together, stars shining over them. Years of waiting, and it was absolutely perfect. Sweet kisses under the stars, barefoot on the grass, soft music surrounding them.


	52. The End of The Beginning

“It looks so empty.” Jemma said quietly, looking around the room in a mixture of awe of horror. They stood in a line, looking around their empty dorm.

“It’s like all the life has been sucked out of it.” Ed said, looking at the bare walls, all of their posters leaving blu tack stains.

“Well I suppose it has been.” Ali said.

“I still can’t quite believe it.” Daisy replied, reaching for Jemma’s hand. She took it, squeezing it, Jemma interlocking their fingers. 

“We’re never gonna spend another night here. We’re never gonna-” Daisy stopped, voice breaking. Jemma squeezed her hand again, leaning her head on her shoulder.

“I know, babe.” She said quietly. Daisy rested her head on Jemma’s. Ali and Bella stood next to them, Ed in between them, her arm around Bella, the smaller girl’s head buried in her shoulder, Ali holding Ed’s hand.

“I’m happy, really. It’s just…” Bella tried, not quite finding the words. So much had happened in this room, at this school. They met for the first time, they’d cried together, laughed together. They’d watched so many films, they’d danced to Ali’s awful whatever. They’d found out about Ed’s crush in here, they’d found out about Bobbi’s injury in here. 

“I know.” Ali said, chest empty. This room was her teenage years, they’d grown up together here. It was truly empty for the first time since they found it, none of them left. Ed pulled out a knife. Bella jumped back.

“Where the bloody hell did that come from?” Ed rolled her eyes.

“None of your business. Follow me.” She said, leaving the pile of luggage and other four girls to stride over to the wooden beam in the back left corner of the room. She carefully carved EMM into the wood, passing the knife to a curious Daisy.

“What’s the first M for?” 

“It’s for me to know and for you to never find out.” She said with a wink. Daisy rolled her eyes and took the knife, carving DM above EMM. Jemma went next, JAS taking its place next to DM. Ali went after, a scratchy ACO next to Ed’s name, Bella taking a (considerably neater) IMO next to Ali’s.

“There. This way, a little piece of us will always be here.” Ed said, taking the knife from a reluctant Ali and tucking it back up her sleeve, sighing at the slightly scared looks from Daisy.

“Bugger off, May, you’re a walking weapon.”

“That’s just biology. How many are you carrying?” Daisy asked. She’d gotten better control over the vibrations, they didn’t pound against her ears anymore. She’d been training with Ed more, her muscle tone returning. She learnt to tune out the vibrations, only tapping into them when she needed to.

“Again, for me to know and you to never find out.”

“Wouldn’t put it past you to have another bloody sword tucked down your shirt.” Ali said. Ed was fiercer now. She’d had intelligence agencies calling her all hours of the day, god knows who trying to get to her. She always had a weapon on her, and seemed to quite enjoy whipping it out at any given moment, as though to warn them all not to fuck with her. Daisy’s powers had been quickly hushed over by S.H.I.E.L.D., all the kids being forced to sign non-disclosure agreements, all the adult agents having a ‘talk’ with May. 

Ed had changed more. Daisy might have gone through a bio-morphic event, but Ed had come out a different person. Daisy was damaged for the experience, they’d all seen her guilt, her silence. Ed came out with a certain gravity to her. She’d always been so quietly powerful, so astonishing. It felt like after Hydra she realised it herself. She had a new air of confidence about her, of belief in her own power. 

She’d led a group of children into a war and they’d won. 

“Wouldn’t put it past you to find out.” She said with a wink. 

“I can’t tell if you’re threatening me or flirting with me. Either way it’s grand.” Ali said.

“Keep it in your pants, yous twos. They’re less disgusting than you are and you’re not even dating.” Bella said indignantly, getting a giggle out of Jemma.

“I promise, none of you will ever have to walk in on me and Morse having a snog, unlike some people.” Ali said, directing some people at Daisy and Jemma. Daisy kissed Jemma’s cheek.

“That was one time, get over yourself Ali. It’s not like we never saw you and Piper.” Daisy argued.

“Is that still a thing?” Jemma asked, frowning.

“We’re ‘on a break’, but I saw them after Hydra. The long distance thing wasn’t really working, but if they’re still single next year then maybe we’ll give another go.” Ali confirmed. Their group all separated in the aftermath of Hydra, Daisy and Fitzsimmons up at S.E.R.P.E.N.T., Ed with Bobbi taking back Theseus (and The Treehouse, apparently), Bella helping with the cleanup after the battle. Bella had taken Hydra harder than Ali had, saying she didn't know who to trust. She’d heard from Bobbi about The Hub, The Triskelion, The Sandbox, The Fridge, The Treehouse, Slingshot. Those were just the bases Bobbi had confirmed intel on, there were countless basess, safehouses, training centres and labs that were still unconfirmed. From what Bobbi had told her, Hydra had been at the roots of every single one. She’d seen what they’d done to Jemma, she could’ve only guessed what they would’ve done Daisy. 

It was a sight she couldn’t come back from, she knew she would never be able to force it out of her mind. The bodies, the stench of the blood, the gun in her had, Ali against her back. She’d killed that night. She’d taken human life. The fact seemed to make Ed more loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D., seemed to increase her faith in the organisation. Bella wasn’t so sure. She didn’t know if she wanted this life, a life of looking over her shoulder, of guns, of corpses in the closet. She was going to the academy, of course. She’d already gotten a PhD, and her acceptance letter, it was the obvious choice; highly prestigious, the road to any job she wanted, but after that, she wasn’t sure. She loved engineering and space, she just wasn’t sure that she wanted danger to be in her job description.

“Well do you want to get back with them?” Daisy asked. Ali just shrugged. She’d taken the not break up break up well, all things considered. She’d expected it to hurt more, surprising herself with her independence, her own strength. If they got back together their relationship would be different. She wasn’t broken like she was when they met. She didn’t know if they were what she needed anymore, and that was okay. Ali was stronger than she had been when they met, she could handle herself. She was no longer the scared 13 year old with raw skin running up her arms, she didn’t need someone to cry to, didn’t need someone to hold her up; she’d learnt to do that just fine for herself. She thought that she was the least changed by Hydra, that in comparison to Jemma’s blatantly obvious PTSD, Daisy’s crushing guilt, Ed’s new warrior princess vibes and Bella’s new and improved trust issues, the impact it had had on Ali had been minor. Of course it hurt her, to watch the rest of them struggle, and of course it was a shock, and 2 years ago it would’ve sent her spiralling. She was better now, though.

“I suppose we should be going, really.” Jemma said, not moving a muscle. Ali nodded, taking one last look around her home, her childhood, all drained of proof of their existence, before picking her bags back up and heading downstairs, Ed following closely after, resting a hand on Bella’s shoulder before leaving, not looking back. 

“I’ll miss this.” Bella said. Jemma nodded, watching Bella leave, blue hair fading away, excited footsteps running after Ali. Daisy removed her head from Jemma’s shoulder, taking in the room one more time.

“Are you scared?” Daisy asked, her voice wobbling over poorly contained tears.

“Terrified.” Jemma confirmed, squeezing Daisy’s hand and looking her in the eye. She’d adopted a strange relationship with change. On one hand, she couldn’t wait to grow up, to have a life of her own, to learn. On the other, the thought of missing 6:30 dinner made her feel physically ill. Hydra had been a change. An awful, shared trauma that had hung over their dorm, one that loomed over Jemma. Sometimes she thought her gunshot wounds still hurt, sometimes she could feel that numbness crawling across her stomach, sometimes she still saw her blood on her hand, stuck in that moment of awful realisation. She’d started training with Ed again as soon as she was well enough, parts of her enjoying the bruised knuckles, the sensation that ran up her arm at each throw. 

But she was okay. Well, she was more okay than Daisy (not that she was exactly a brilliant standard for Jemma to measure herself by). 

She was sad to be leaving, sad to be moving on from this portion of her life, these years being so bright. Sometimes they were sad, sometimes they brought awful news, but they weren’t dull, they were vibrant with life, with growing up, becoming who they were meant to be. She thanked everything everyday that she was alive with them, that she’d been allowed to live long enough to grow up with Daisy, that they’d finally realised that neither of them were lost, long enough to realise that with her, Jemma was found. It had been 5 years of nervous glances, 5 years of her heart racing at her touch, 5 years of crying to Fitz about her, about how she couldn’t have her, and finally she was there, in her arms, lips against lips, dancing under moonlit skies.

“But I’ll have you, and that makes the change more exciting. Knowing that we made it, that we get to see what we become.” Jemma said, smiling. Against all the odds, they’d made it. 

“For you, Jemma Simmons, it will have been worth it. Everything that’s gone down here, all the tears, all the laughter, all the gay ass pining. It was all worth it, every second of it.” Daisy said, tears falling down Jemma’s cheeks as Daisy kissed her lips softly, hand on her waist. 

“I’d wait thousands of years for you, Daisy May. What’s half a decade?” Jemma smiled, leaning her forehead against Daisy’s, eyes closed as tears fell.

“This is it, isn’t it? This is growing up.” Daisy said, the weight of the loss crushing her chest.

“Growing up is different to this. Growing up is exciting, constant. This is moving on.” Jemma murmured. 

“This hurts. This is our childhood we’re leaving behind, Jems.” Daisy said.

“But aren’t you excited to discover? For moving on together? For new lives to be forged, new beauty to experience.”

“With you, I’m excited for everything. As long as we’re together, as long as I have you.” Daisy said sincerely, cupping Jemma’s keep, absorbing every millimetre of her hazel eyes.

“Always.” Jemma promised, kissing Daisy softly before sighing, pulling away from her. Jemma walked away, taking Luna in her cat carrier and her bags. Daisy let out a shaky breath, watching her girlfriend as she left. She sat down on her bed, now stripped. Was she ready? Could she ever be truly ready for this, for the loss of her childhood? 

No, this wasn’t a loss. This was the start of something new, of something even brighter. She stood up on shaking legs, picking up her bags, closing the door on her way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading!


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